Post # 1
not sure where this belongs but since it seems related to manners and etiquette, i put it here. this might be long, but i need to get it out….so its been over a month since our wedding and i thought i’d gotten over the situation, but then it just sorta popped up again (gotta love FB and the drama is ignites….)
anyway, we had a couple – aquaintences of hubby – crash our wedding. they were not invited but then know other people going, incuding some of my friends. (we are in a national fraternity and even though they are from different areas, they know each other from regional/national events). anyway, these people came sometime between entree and dessert. sat at a table, ATE someone else’s dessert (a couple that had to leave early), ATE cake, hung around, and even stayed into the afterparty lounge where the bar was by consumption (so, yes they did actually cost us money). the lounge went an hour after the reception finished and they were in there almost until the very end. so its not like they popped in to say hi and left. and they certainly didn’t lay low – even my parents asked later who they were the next day. i have met the female half of the couple a few times in passing, but wasn’t totally sure who she was when i saw her at the wedding and obviously hubby has friends and family i had never met before. there were no limits on our guest list of hubby’s choices and he invited a lot of people – so if these people didn’t make the cut, that means he really didn’t want them there.
the next day as things became more clear, we both were really pissed. i felt very violated. we worked so hard to make our large wedding (~180 ppl) intimate. not to mention it was very formal and these people had to put conscious effort into driving home from the city (at least an hour each way) to change into formal clothes, then drive back into the city, pay $30 to park at the hotel and then didn’t even bring a card or say congratulations or pretend in any way that they belonged there. they ate and drank on us. hubby emailed the male half while we were on our honeymoon to say how upset we were and he did a kind of backwards apology like “sorry you feel that way. we didn’t intend to hurt you.” when we got back i talked to my friends who knew them. one said she wasn’t aware they weren’t invited until after. another said they had mentioned crashing to her when they had lunch earlier in the day and she had discouraged it – although this friend didn’t say anything/do anything when she saw them come into the wedding that night, other than telling them to lay low, which they clearly didn’t. i felt a little better in that at least my friends didn’t accidently invite them or encourage them to crash.
anyway thought i’d worked through it and was okay with whatever. i hope to never see these people again. a mutual friend just got engaged and was posting on FB how she was going to have party of the century etc etc and the female crasher wrote on her wall “party crashers are ready!!” or something. clearly they don’t feel bad at all – almost like they were bragging. it just pissed me off big time all over again.
i’m just venting – not dwelling. we had an amazing, awesome wedding and nothing will change that. but honestly, who does this???? what would ever give a person the idea to go crash a formal wedding that you clearly weren’t invited to?? like are these just rude people? does this happen all the time?? did this happen to anyone else????
Post # 3
That sucks 🙁
I’m sorry that they were so rude about it!
Post # 4
awwwwwwwww that makes me so mad *shakes fist*..
I have no words of wisdom or evil plan but I would just like to vent on…. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO SOCIAL DECENCY??? where’s peoples moral compass on stuff like this!!
kinda makes me want to fly across the world to get even… or teach them a lesson… but have comfort in this @andy113: Karma is a B***h and will come back to haunt them…. maybe make them a bug in there next life or something.
We can only hope!
Chin up girl… onwards and upwards!
Post # 5
I understand your not dwelling, but this is ridiculous. I’m sorry and I think you should send them a bill (is that wrong?). As for the friend who discouraged them from coming, maybe this person didn’t want to cause a scene at your wedding by telling them to leave.
Post # 6
@ccranetobe: thanks! i want to do some fist shaking for sure!
one friend was telling me how this couple is going through all these marital problems and are having trouble having a baby and how bad she feels for them. i’m not sure if this was supposed to make me feel like they were justified in crashing our wedding or what. i don’t see the connection (i feel bad for their difficulties but yeah…)
but yeah, no common decency anymore. sad state of affairs really.
my parents think we should send them a bill. i left that up to hubby. he is HUGE on karma though and feels like it will come back to them as well.
Post # 7
They were rude and they were wrong. It almost sounds like it was kind of a joke to them…..and yeah, if they had to drive to the venue, change beforehand……it was purposeful…not just like, hey we are in the area and stopped in to say congrats. They probably don’t realize how wrong it was and that it was upsetting to you; not to mention that your bar was consumption and they possibly cost you a good bit of money depending upon what they drank.
Not sure what you can do other than avoid them in the future…. Sorry..that sux.
Post # 8
I’m not sure about sending them a bill. It would hard to pin point exactly what liquor they consumed……… I know they ate some cake/dessert. Not sure how I feel about billing them, though. I would be curious to see other view points on that issue.
Post # 9
Honestly – I think you are overreacting a little bit. Yes – they are in the wrong. Ultimatly they shouldn’t have crashed your party. But what’s done is done. They didn’t hurt anyone, break anything, and really probably didn’t cost you that much. To continue to let it upset you does no one any good. It seems like they were there having a good time with other people that they know, they weren’t complete randoms, and even you said yourself that you didn’t realize they didn’t belong there when you saw them. Just let it go!
And don’t even think about billing them. First, you have no idea how much and what they drank so how do you charge them? Second, the cake and dessert they ate was already paid for and would have been paid for whether they ate it or not. Again, how do you charge them for a sunk cost?
Post # 10
That is so wrong. I’m sure they didn’t mean to be so rude. They are probably ignorant to the stress they caused you.
Sounds like you had a rockin’ wedding tho!
Post # 11
They were definitely in the wrong. If it really bothers you that much, I would just ignore them from this point on, and let it go. No point continuing being all mad about it. What’s done is done, and overall your wedding was great, so don’t let it bother you anymore. 🙂
Post # 12
I’m sure you shouldn’t/wouldn’t actually bill them, but I bet just thinking of it is enough to put a smile on your face .
Post # 13
P.S. I was half kidding when I said bill them.
Post # 14
Wow I didn’t know people actually crash wedding (like the movie)!!! How classless and tacky is that?! I can’t believe these people.
Post # 15
@TheFutureMcBride: I think people are reacting more to how the OP said her parents think they should bill them. 🙂
Post # 16
that is beyond rude. absolutely appalling behaviour. still, it could be worse – you could be them, going through life without a shred of common decency.