Post # 1
Hi! This is my first post.
It looks like my boyfriend is set to propose any day!
Due to several factors going on in our lives, we don’t want a long engagement. He has said he would like for us to marry next July.
Here is my problem.
June 08 my oldest friend got engaged to be married Aug of next year (a two and a bit year engagement). I am going to be in her wedding party, and its in a different country than where I live. We haven’t lived in the same country for a few years and I am so happy to get to see her and celebrate. However, If I were too get married next July here where I live, I would be getting married 6 weeks before her.
I’m worried that 1) she will be offended that I am choosing a date befre hers & 2) she is very strict with how she spends money and I doubt she would be willing to attend my wedding when it is so close to hers – so if I were to invite her to my wedding, (and i would want her to be in the party) I half expect her to say no just becaues of the travel expenses. I don’t want to put her in that situation.
What do I do?
Post # 3
That’s a tough one. Can you talk to your friend to see what she thinks? Since it’s a year away, maybe she can make arrangements to make it out to you. Do you think she’ll be upset that you’re getting married before her?
Post # 4
I don’t think she has the rights over any date you want to choose. If you really feel that she may be offended, ask her something like, "How long before/after your wedding would you be comfortable attending my wedding?"
Post # 5
I would talk to her. But it also depends on how close you guys are. If you guys are close and you need/have to have her there you might have to work something out with her. But most important talk to her. But I wouldn’t change my date or my life for her. I don’t mean to sounds mean but it is you and your Fiance wedidng!
Post # 6
She’s been buying wedding magazines since she was 17, updates her wedding blog daily & is incredibly excited for the wedding. I do think she is nice enough to not say anything about the date, but I’m really more concerned about her not wanting to attend mine due to what she would call financial constraints. (although really, thats in her head, she’s just very, very budget conscious.)
Post # 7
Understandable. I would just talk to her about it and tell her how you feel and your concerns but also that you really would like her to come to your wedding. See how it goes and then maybe go from there. Keep us updated!
Post # 8
Maybe the first thing is to decide when you would like to get married, vs have to get married etc. If your Fi is being deployed or moving across the country for a job when he graduates, I can see the part where you’d need to get married by a certain date. If it’s a matter of it’s something you just prefer, then you might want to think about what’s more important.
If you need to get married next July, then what can you do? It’ll just have to be unfortunate if your friend can’t make it. If getting married next July is just a preference then you just have to weigh how important the date is compared to having your friend there. But before you jump the gun, you might want to ask her what she thinks, so you can make a good decision. If she said July would be to crazy because she’s doing stuff for her own wedding, but would be able to make it in May or October would you concede? What if she said she couldn’t afford it until the following year?
Sounds like it will have to boil down to:
1. her either having the money and coming
2. not having the money and not coming
3. not having the money and you paying her way
4. not coming because she’s wrapped up with her own wedding or upset that you put your wedding close to hers etc.
5. you move your wedding to accommodate her
Post # 9
So, after talking to my friend and talking to the love of my life, we’ve decided we’re going to do a very private beach civil ceremony this year, & then a bigger church wedding next summer some time. That way we can still have our summer wedding, but it won’t be such a big deal about getting married just before her, because we will already be married & wont be stealing any thunder. In addition, we will probably do something like pay for her room here and make it a great suite so its like a mini honey moon before the wedding.
Post # 10
just talk to her who knows she just might be supper excited that your both getting hitched in one summer.