(Closed) Wedding date conflict

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That is so ridiculous and rude of the in-laws! I can understand they want to be there, but you have to work for crying out loud! I think the Skype or the second reception is a great idea. Ask them why they can’t postpone the trip until after your wedding. I know I missed the first week in a school a few years in a row for family trips as a kid and I never fell behind (if their reason is a school aged kid).

I would just tell them a wedding is expensive enough and missing work isn’t an option. Maybe try a date in early August, but I wouldn’t postpone until you start work. That just doesn’t make any sense to me.

My Future Mother-In-Law wanted us to postpone our wedding two weeks since she was entertaining a lot of house guest that week at their cabin on the lake (she knew the date last February, it isn’t our fault she scheduled people to visit a couple months ago and spaced it out). After getting nowhere with me, she tried my Fiance and he just said “So don’t come if your guests are more important. I’ve got my girl, so I am happy enough with just her!” She was pretty angry at us for being “unreasonable”, but our venue is booked out for the summer. We would have had to find a new venue or postpone a year.

Post # 5
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have your wedding when you want it :). They may give you grief but you want to be married in early summer so you can enjoy time with your husband & not be in school & that’s completely reasonable.

Maybe they can rearrange the trip… do they already have the tickets for that trip? It seems super early for them to already have tickets!

Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Trust me, I’ve been there. Eventually you’ll have to put your foot down and pick a date and stick with it. Make it clear to everyone that your wedding is your own and that you would dearly love for them to participate but the show will go on without them. If you are important enough to them they will make it to the wedding. And if they don’t come to the wedding it will still be beautiful and you will cherish the memories. Be strong! 

Post # 8
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I say start nagging them back! Start making phone calls saying “I can’t believe SIL won’t come to our wedding, doesn’t she know how important this is to us, why wouldn’t she change her vacation dates? Doesn’t she care about her brother’s wedding?”  That guilt trip can go both ways.  Every single time they start nagging you, turn it around on them and say things like “This is our WEDDING! She can go on vacation any time!  We only want one day, why won’t she give us that?”

Seriously, she’s the one being unreasonable.  Don’t let them convince you otherwise. You need to set the tone of this discussion.  Keep repeating that you cannot move the date, and that if your SIL chooses not to come, then she deserves all the blame and guilt for that decision, not you.

Post # 9
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

What?? ok so they get mad at you for having your wedding around a time they were planning a trip that they don’t even have booked yet? That’s ridiculous! I’m sorry, it just seems very rude of them! Isn’t her bro’s wedding more important than a yearly trip they could postpone 2 weeks? I could see her being frustrated if they already had everything booked & ready to go… but they don’t have that yet so she can just reschedule. Its true, you could totally turn around & nag them back… however I wouldn’t do that. Please stick with your date, they can “postpone” their trip for a week or 2 & that’s their choice, not your fault what they do there.

I’d ask them if they could re-arrange their travel time, they go every year, & you’re only asking for 1 day. Since you’re a teacher, you only have certain time that you get off (the summer). Tell them you really want them to come & would love for them to be there (if you mean it) & really hope they can make it to your July 9th 2011 wedding. Say it would mean the world to your Fiance & you. Or something along those lines, letting them know you really want them to be there. It will make things go smoother because they will see how important it is to you & in the end, if they don’t change their plans, than its on them, not on you… because you’re not telling them they need to change, but telling them its important to you & your Fiance.

Post # 10
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Plan your wedding around you and your groom.  They are being rude..  They should plan their vacation on their own time in my opinion.

Post # 11
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

Pick a date you and your Fiance are comfortable with and love. If they truly want to attend your wedding, they will make arrangements to work around your wedding date. We got a lot of grief because our wedding is a Friday in the Fall…feel bad, but worked with the church and the venue and we ended up falling in love with the date and it felt right! Don’t let others sway you!

Post # 12
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally understand that Future Sister-In-Law wants to be at the wedding, and I am sure it is important to you fiance that she is there (I would be heart broken if one of my sisters couldn’t make it to my wedding).  That being said, she should be the one to be flexible!  How long have you had your date picked?  Do you have a venue booked?  We are talking about a year from now, right??  I am also a teacher and totally get why you don’t want to get married at the end of June!  If you haven’t booked a venue yet, maybe you could compromise and move the wedding up 1  week, but really, you shouldn’t have to.  1 1/2 months, instead of 2, visiting her in-laws so she can come to her brother’s wedding seems fair! 

Post # 13
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If she hasn’t booked the tickets yet, your SIL doesn’t have a leg to stand on.  Once in a lifetime is more important than once a year.  Now, if she had non-refundable tickets that she spent thousands of dollars on, and you hadn’t booked a venue yet, it would be different, but for her to whine that your wedding would conflict with her tentative vacation is just self centered.  Try to see if there’s a compromise you can live with (she moves her trip back a week, you move the wedding up a week), but if not, your Fiance needs to stand up for you and your new family and tell his mom that no one is forcing his sister to take her trip, and if the wedding were really important to her, she’d be glad to shave a few days off her vacation to be there.

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