Post # 1
Hi all……could I get a bit of feedback from you???
I’m recently engaged and spent a weeks holiday planning the wedding date and negociating a price on my dream venue. We have provisionally held a date and are about to go in and pay a deposit.
My Mother-In-Law calls me last night and says that the wedding date ‘isn’t good for them all’ i.e her, her husband and my sister in law to be. I was shocked as I had already told the sister in law of the intended date and venue and she said nothing. It turns out she wants to attend a music performance by some of her school pupils that she has helped organise. I was basically told to re arrange the date. My boyfriend said that we can have our wedding whenever we want, but failed to say anything to his family, so I didn’t feel I could.
There is only one other available date at the venue I want and it means that instead of going straight on honeymoon, I’d have to go back to work 2 days after the wedding for another 7 weeks before we could go on honeymoon…..it’s possible to do this, but I feel annoyed that I’ll have to do this just because SIL won’t prioritise our wedding….am I being a princess? Should I bite my tongue and compromise?
Thank you for any feedback bees 🙂
Post # 3
I would not change the date . I would speak with my Fiance and let him know that I really did not want to go back to work 2 days after the wedding and postpone the honeymoon.
I think that is a perfectly reasonable reason to stick with your original plan.
It’s only one person who has a challenge with the original date, and in my world her brother’s wedding trumps a concert by students.
Have your Fiance tell his family.
Post # 4
1st, I don’t think you’re being a “princess”. Weddings are a huge deal in my opinion and in the past whenever invited to one, ESPECIALLY a family member’s, I made sure to clean everything else off my schedule. However, I think that weddings are becoming less of a big deal to guests in a way and I’m seeing a trend of guests not taking them as seriously.
Personally, I would compromise and have the wedding on the alternative date. You are going to have to weigh having your in laws there against having the date you want and see which one holds more personal weight for you.
Like I said, for me it would be having them there, since I wasn’t emotionally or sentimentally attached to the date.
Also, it sounds like it sucks… BUT it actually may be nice to space out your honeymoon for some weeks after you return to work. If you get married and then go on your honeymoon right after, it all ends in a week or so. All the euphoria is lumped together. However, you can kind of…prolong your wedding bliss by taking the honeymoon a little later. Right as soon as the glow from the wedding is starting to fade a bit, YAY! you get to go on your honeymoon to renew it.
Also, you may have your Fiance mention something to his family. Not to guilt them, so he will have to make sure his tone and wording are correct, but just to let them know “Hey, I just thought you guys should know that Ticatica is making a pretty big sacrifice here to make sure you all can come. She’s really excited to join the family and it’s important for you all to be there.”
Post # 5
i dont think you are being a princess – if the alternative is you return to work 2 days after the wedding for seven weeks before your honeymoon, i would stick to the date i first picked. my thoughts is your wedding isnt for the convenience of others – its your wedding and you wont be able to please everyone so just pick your dates and stick to them. goodluck!!!
Post # 6
@Tunacupcakes: i totally second you on spreading things out! I had my wedding and honeymoon all rolled into one because i had a destination wedding and let me tell you, it is freakin’ depressing to be home and back to the grind with nothing to look forward after so much intense planning and build up!
of course, i don’t think you are being a princess at all about it. But i also kind of understand the concert thing. i can see how that would be important and she would probably feel like she is letting a lot of kids down by not going. tough call for sure.
Post # 7
Thanks…I don’t really want to cause trouble for my Fiance, nor do I want to start off on the wrong foot with his family. I just really didn’t like the tone she took with me. It wasn’t an apology, it was a demand. However, I’ll see if the alternative date is available still and if so, change it. It will be nice to look forward to a honeymoon i suppose 🙂 Thanks for the replies xx
Post # 8
@ticatica: Just go with the date YOU your hubby to be wants! Really, you cannot please everyone, we had ppl ask us if we could move our wedding to 2 hours later beacuase the time did not suite them- we hadn’t even invited them yet, and now, we are probably not going to 🙂
Post # 9
@ticatica: If you feel completely comfortable with changing your date, then by all means do it.
However, I would kindly let Mother-In-Law know that her tone was rude and that in the future you will be making all the important decisions
Post # 10
Honestly. I wouldn’t do it. Not only the whole going back to work thing would bother me but who is your Mother-In-Law think she is? Your SIL isn’t even in the musical thing so why change your dates for something she hasn’t even been a part of?
Post # 11
No, I just don’t think that’s a good enough reason for you to change your date. If it was something super important or she already had plane tickets to go somewhere I’d understand, but not for that.
Post # 12
I’ve contacted the venue and asked for another date, after the one originally planned. If they can move it, great, if not, I’ll just have to say to my Fiance that his sister and mother need to change their plans. I’ve given them over a year to sort it! Thanks for the advice, it’s nice to know i’m not just over reacting!
Post # 13
@ticatica: I say do what you want to do, if you really want the origional date, just tell them that you are sorry, but that you already have your venue booked and are unable to change the date, and if she balks about it point out that you had mentioned the date earlier and she never said anything about it not being an ok date. It’s your wedding, you should do what makes you and your Fiance happy. I had a similar situation with my DH’s family demanding I change the date, but we didn’t, and things worked out for the best and me and Darling Husband were very happy with how everything worked out. Also I took my honeymoon and wedding together (only a week between) and I don’t regret it at all. Now it’s on to the next big adventure. And it’s really nice to be able to get settled in as husband and wife!
Post # 14
@ticatica: Sorry you have had to deal with this foolishness. I say keep your date as is cause I feel if you give in, it will only be something else to come up down the line and they will expect you to give in again. Nip it in the bud now. Good luck.
Post # 15
@bklynbridetobe: Bingo! See, that’s how I see it. If your Mother-In-Law can have you move the date of your WEDDING what else?