(Closed) Wedding Date Drama

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude for me to set my date a week after my cousin's? (they had no date set upon my engagement)
    yes, make it at least a few weeks apart from theirs : (14 votes)
    23 %
    no, not at all : (27 votes)
    44 %
    maybe a little but go for it. don't compromise any more than you already have : (16 votes)
    26 %
    yes, it should be in a completely different month : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    She gets one day and that’s June 9th. Pick the day you want. Don’t schedule your life around other people. Your families have plenty of time to prepare for two weddings. I wouldn’t budge if I were you. Good luck! 

    Post # 4
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I completely agree with Miss Tattoo that she gets a day and you get a day.  BUT, I think you really need to talk to her IRL.  I don’t thing starting the conversation over email was the way to go.  It is so hard to interpret the subtle nuances of feelings over email……  It also sounds like your cousin’s Fiance might be a bit passive-aggressive, which can be hard to deal with under the best of circumstances.

    If you are close enough, try to meet with her and your cousin over coffee.  If not, definitely try to talk to her on the phone.  I think (hope?) that once she hears in your voice how excited you are to share this journey with her, she will get on board with being a wedding buddy.  

    Good Luck!

    Post # 5
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I have to agree with Miss Tattoo, especially since your cousin’s fiance is being so catty about it.  The considerate thing for her to have done after you mentioned the importance of your date would be to plan her date around that.  I think you went above and beyond to try to cater to her and beyond that you have no responsibility.  Also, when you tell people the reason for the date you picked, they will think it is sweet and won’t be bothered by it at all.  Life is about the little things, that’s what keeps you going and I think it is sweet to get married on such a special day 🙂

    Post # 6
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Firstly, I don’t agree that setting a date is the first thing you do. If you have your heart set on one particular venue/photographer/church you’ll have to work with whatever dates are available and it may not be so easy as to pick the date you want. Solving the date puzzle can be really difficult when you have to balance lots of different priorities. This was our situation, we basically had a choice of 4 Saturdays and only one of those dates worked with other family commitments, guest travel plans, Maid/Matron of Honor being in town etc. So it probably is possible that your cousin’s fiancee has been planning for several months but only managed to work out a date more recently.

    Secondly, it’s not rude at all to set your wedding for the week after. BUT I bet your cousin’s fiancee will think so (considering she seems to be pretty rude in general) and it may be an inconvenience to other family members who’ll have to travel/take time off for both weddings. There’s no black out period surrounding weddings though and you are absolutely free to go for the date you want, but just be prepared you might get some snarky comments about it.

    Why don’t you have a word with your cousin as well? It sounds like you’re pretty close to him, maybe it’ll help get some perspective on why they chose the date and how they’d feel about you picking the following week. But like someone above said, it’s your life and you need to do what works for you, don’t plan your life around someone else.


    Post # 8
    4770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    you should have talked to your cousin and not his fiance.  Why should she care what you want you’ve never even met.


    Post # 10
    4770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Oh that sucks, sorry.

    I don’t understand the shelfishness.  3 couples in our circle of friends got engaged all pretty close to each other and we made sure to communicate with each other very well before setting a date.  Now we all have and we’re all getting married at least a month apart.  So yeah I am glad that worked out and we didn’t have to argue about dates.

    Yeah, she is very inconsiderate, but so is your cousin for not replying to you casue you said you were close.

    Post # 11
    1920 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    First I’d like to say that I’ve had two of my cousins weddings a week apart and none of the guests were upset about it. I think people realize wedding season is busy and sometimes these things happen. I don’t think she should be mad at you for setting it a week later because what does it really matter, her day is over. 

    In terms of choosing your date, I never get the notion of having to have your date on an anniversary. To me your wedding day will be special whatever day it is because its your wedding day. And your anniversary is not on the 9th, its on the 4th so to me that meaning is already lost. So while I think your cousins Fiance was harsh and maybe rude to you I do understand her feelings. If one of my FI’s cousins called me and told me to not pick a date because it was around the time of their anniversary I wouldn’t try to pick that date but if it was the only one available at the venue I wanted I would still choose it.

    I’m not trying to be rude I just want you to place yourself in her shoes. She doesn’t know you so planning around your anniversary week probably isn’t her top priority. She wanted an early summer wedding which June 9th is. Like I said I think she could have been nicer about it but I understand why she chose it.

    Post # 12
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Stick to your guns! That date is important to you and you have many good reasons for not wanting to change the month. And as for changing the year, there’s no good reason on earth you should wait a whole year if you’re ready to get married now!

    If I were you I’d take a super positive attitude and say “you picked June 9th, that’s fantastic because we’re going with June 16th, it’ll be so much fun having two weddings next to each other”. And honestly, if I was one of your family members I’d think it was great, it’d be almost like a festival of weddings.

    At the end of the day, your cousin’s fiancee can make a fuss if she wants to but she’s got her day and you have yours. There’s no monopoly or blackout period for wedding dates. So take a deep breath, prepare yourself for some mean comments and being pushed around, and then announce to the family that you’ve also picked your date. Good luck!

    Post # 15
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I really hope you stick with the date that you and your fiance want. It is not as if you are trying to be mean. If that date is important to you both then you should go for it!

    Post # 16
    144 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    First – I think that having your wedding a week after theirs is fine, but you might want to consider the practicalities for you and your cousin.  For example, if they’re on their honeymoon, they might not be able to make it to your wedding.  Also, it might be stressful for you to attend another wedding just a week before yours.  It’s really up to you, though, and you know your situation best.

    Second – I wonder if your questions might not just be kind of stressing her out?  June 2012 is still a long ways away, and she may well not have planned much yet.  But when you’re engaged people are constantly asking you when you’re getting married, where you’re getting married, etc…. and if you don’t know for sure it can feel like a lot of pressure.  Plus, if you’ve just gotten engaged and have already decided what venue you want, etc…. and then you ask her… I don’t know, but if I were her, I’d be really stressed out and bothered.  It’s not rational, but people asking questions like that can feel like a lot. 

    Good luck to you.

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