- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Here’s the story, condensed:
My cousin (male) proposed to his girlfriend this past August (4 months ago). We were told they would set a date in 2012. I knew that my boyfriend would be proposing sometime this fall or winter (2010) and also knew that the anniversary of the day we met in an airport is extremely important to us (June 11, 2004). Never in my wildest dreams did I think they would want to pick June 9th, the closest saturday to my special anniversary so I never preemptively contacted my cousin or his now fiancee (who I’ve never actually met but who has always been friendly on facebook and we’ve even seemed to have a lot in common with me when we have talked on the internet) to tell them my concerns. I never thought out of an entire year they’d want the 9th of June. So, fast forward to Dec. 27th and my bf proposes in the airport where we met. At this time, about two weeks prior we had seen in a family letter that my cousin and his fiancee had decided on “early summer” 2012. So officially they had not set a date or spoken to the family about specific venue plans, made invitations etc.
Bookings for June 2012 start the first monday of January 2011. I realized I need to make my reservation SOON so I sent my cousin’s fiancee a message, just saying hello, how are you doing, and asking if they had set a more specific date yet…if they had chosen a month (may? june? early july?) or even a date and had just not told anyone…so that I may make reservations in January for our wedding.
I explained to her about how important our anniversary date is to us, about how we will be leaving the midwest after we graduate from grad school that summer so the date is very crucial but that I wanted to have a friendly conversation about all of it so that we didn’t mess up any of their plans and I acknowledged in my letter that they were engaged first. I kept everything very polite and friendly, and conversational.
I received a very rude, and belittling letter in response, stating that we “have a lot of planning to do before [we] set a date”. Well…as far as I have ever known, you can’t plan a whole heck of a lot without a date! like photographer, venues, caterer, save the dates, invitations etc. I sent ANOTHER very friendly reply, apologizing for if I had sounded pushy and that I had only intended to ask what their plans were so that I could book my reservations that will be in hot demand for June (I didn’t say it like that though). She had explained that they had picked june because they will have had time to move back to the area (they are out of state now, doing some school) and that june was the best time for them…but they never stated that a particular day was important or that it HAD to be june, rather than july or may.
Amongst all of my extremely friendly messages another very rude response to her I found out that they had up and chosen June 9th (which seemed like it was pulled out of their butts) and would be putting $1000 down on the banquet hall soon and that I was basically supposed to deal with it. Honestly, I would have taken this answer after my first message if it had been in a polite and friendly manner! If she had said, “hey, we’re about to go book the 9th, i’m so sorry!” then I would have been like “crap, well, thanks for letting me know, I’ll pick another date” but she didn’t! She only chose the 9th after a few conversations and after she had time to get mad at me. (i know this from other details that I don’t have time to get into right now). All I was doing was letting her know that I wanted the 9th and asked what their plans were. and I just got a nasty message in response. and then another nasty message.
After a million times of trying to explain that I was so excited to talk to each other about wedding planning and how important my cousin (her fiancee) was to me and that I just want to have fun, I decided to be the one who compromises. My parents feel like I shouldn’t have to change my date because they had 4 months to set one and never did–that it’s not my fault they never set a date and that I knew which date I wanted the day I was proposed to.
My cousin’s fiancee says that me wanting the date is a slap in the face to all of the planning she’s done with a planner for the past 4 months. What kind of planning could she be doing wihtout a venue booked or a date set? the first thing you do is set a date. I was contacting her to be considerate and friendly so that this anger wouldn’t happen. I can’t imagine being so rude and nasty to my fiancee’s cousin who is our age!
I never once asked them to change a date or anything like that—they never even had a date picked! but of course now they do, after i suggested one. So I told her in a message (still super excited and polite) that I’d be alright with June 16th. I have no problem with the weddings being only a week apart and I feel like I’m already compromising unncessarily.
She has not responded yet to my last messages, where I explained our date of June 16. I told her that I am ready to be excited about the journey the 4 of us will take together…but I get the impression she isn’t going to respond and my family will be torn in the middle of this.
We have no overlapping family that will have to travel out of town so weddings a week apart should not cause any family to choose which wedding to attend.
Just at face value, is it completely horrible of me to set my date a week after theirs???