- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Having a minor freakout that seems to be giving me my first real anxiety attack, so just need to vent!
FH’s family requested we have our wedding in Summer to make it easier for them all to attend. FSIL is a teacher, FBIL is in college and most of FH cousins are also in school. July and August are too hot for me where I live, and I don’t want to be a complete cranky jerk on my wedding day so that narrowed it down to June 2014. Great! Never wanted to be a June bride, but have to accomodate to family right?
After eliminating saturdays because of either being a holiday weekend, my parent’s anniversary or having school not be let out yet or potentially pushed back to Snow Days, we were left with June 21 2014. We checked with friends and family and everyone said it was OK, so we booked it. Deposit, contract, etc.
Sunday I went to brunch with my parents and my mother casually mentions that our long-time family friend’s daughter (who got engaged a few weeks after I did) will be getting married on the 14th of June. No biggie, think that’s great! How funny! (Our birthdays are only days apart as well). My mom didn’t think to mention this to me when I was checking for conflicts because it was a different date so it’d be ok! Great, fine.
Then my mom thinks to check with the other bride’s mom, just to make sure she has the right date. Other mom comes back and says that they took too long to book their venue (Told everyone the date they picked before actually nailing down a venue, which is a total rookie move) and actually changed their date to June 21.
Upon realizing that all our mutual friends will have to pick between weddings, my Dad immediately asks me if I can change my date.
Here, I went into full meltdown because a) I felt like my family wasn’t supporting me b) I was not the one who caused this situation – they did by telling everyone their original date and not securing it in time. c) We’ve already paid the deposit which is a large non-refundable sum. If we change the date, we’ll have to pay a 2nd deposit and lose the money we spent on the other date. BESIDES that I don’t want to get married on my parent’s anniversary, or father’s day weekend (which could potentially turn into father’s day depending on the year). Or get married during a time where my FH’s family can’t make it out due to either cost (holiday weekends such as 4th of july – not to mention that’s FSIL’s anniversary) or being in school.
I got immediately defensive of my date, and my father really could not understand why I picked the date I did and why I wouldn’t be ok moving my date. when i told him that our contract was non-refundable and that there really wasn’t any other date for me to pick. I absolutely refuse to be a sweaty pig on my own wedding day, and this has the best chance of it being a nice day for me. I think they felt like I was being a bridezilla by getting upset that this was happening to me and by refusing to change my date.
My brother suggested I talk to the other bride and tell her that my parents are dissapointed and see if there’s “anything that can be done about this”. I have never been in contact with her, and I don’t see what it would accomplish. I assume they’ve already paid for their venue as well and me going to her would just open a dialogue that might lead to me having to change my date to be the accomodating one.
I know I’m being selfish because my parents really should be able to go to this girl’s wedding and I know they’d love for those other families to go to mine, but I really don’t know what to do here. At the end of the day, my parents did say that my wedding was more important to them but I am still freaking out about this and just can’t let this go. If it wasn’t for the money, and how I feel boxed into this date, I would probably just give up and change my date just to get it over with and make everyone else happy. But as it is, I’m pretty upset and just can’t think about anything else until this is resolved. Now I feel like I can’t continue with planning because of this conflict.