Post # 1
Guys, I’m really at a loss here. My fiance’s cousin just planned her wedding… for TWO WEEKS before ours. Our date has been set since June 2008 and our Save the Dates went out in mid-January. How can she do this to us? How does she expect us to attend her wedding (out of town–6.5 hour drive, no way to travel there by plane)? How can we expect her to attend ours (out of town for her too, and she may be on her honeymoon!)? How can she ask our mutual family to go to both weddings in the span of two weeks (everyone is out of town for both)? I am so hurt and disappointed that she did this. I don’t know what to do or say! I don’t know if I should say anything to her or just let it go… what is your advice?
Post # 3
Are you realted to quoted by any chance?
She just got engaged, as in she hasn’t planned anything? Do you feel close enough to her to be able to talk about it without her jumping off the deep end? If you feel like you could have a level headed discussion, maybe you could point out what having her wedding when she is, will do in terms of $$ to these Out of Town guests. But she might be thinking she really wants a wedding for a certain time of year and doesn’t want to wait a year to be married, just to make you happy. Maybe being married is more important to her than having every family member at her wedding. I don’t know. Also, not to sound like a jerk, but it’s not her fault that you have an 16 month engagement. (I’m not blaming you. I had one too.)
A couple of thoughts.
First, if it comes down to the family choosing between the weddings I would think simply logically, they might just say, you had your wedding planned first, so they’ll go to yours. But how far way are they? Are we talking everyone is going to have to ge on a plane?
Second, how about she actually move her wedding to the week before yours? Sounds crazy, but that way maybe the Out of Town guests could take a week’s vacation and just spend the time with family. Maybe your Fi and cousin could host a family reunion. I was a guest in a similar situation. It sounded stressful, but the fact that the weddings were one week apart, allowed me to go to both. If they were a month apart, I would not have been able to. (And I think the first reaction from the brides was that it would be better to have the weddings a little further apart. Glad they didn’t.) And everything went really well. Both brides had their day. No overshadowing.
Post # 4
Well first of all, I’m not having a 16 month engagement. We are having a 1 year engagement–I had just had the date picked out before we got engaged. We had mentioned it to her and her family before we got engaged just as a passing thought but officially told them 1 year to the day before the wedding. They got engaged a month after us.
No I am not related to quoted.
It would be impossible to move the wedding closer. Our weddings are 7-8 hours apart and everyone is coming from out of town for both of them but will probably drive to both of them.
Unfortunately I’m not very close to DF’s cousin. I’ve only met her once and haven’t spoken with her since. Her reasoning for having the wedding when she is (mid-October) is because she wanted to have it on a beach but outside of hurricane season. It doesn’t make sense to me because mid-October is still very much hurricane season.
I don’t know.
Post # 5
Hurricane Season Smuricane Season- no one worries about unless you are a non-local. How much family are we talking about losing here?
I agree with the above poster that your wedding is planned first, so logically they would probably attend yours. Also, I don’t know if you have sent out your invites yet, but if you haven’t send them out before hers. If her wedding is 2 weeks before, then send then invites 2 weeks before she should send them, but only to the mutual family. You should send the rest of the invites at a normal time
Talk to you FI’s mother or grandmother about it since they have the neice/granddaughter that is the problem. I’m sure they could work it out.
Post # 6
Is she close to your fiancee? We planned our wedding for two weeks before my fiancee’s cousin, and I didn’t think twice about it. It’s a person we never see and probably wouldn’t have come to our wedding anyway. We didn’t even think about when their wedding would be when we picked a date – we just picked one that worked for us. That’s probably what your fiancee’s cousin did too.
Post # 7
Josalyn- I thought about sending the invites out early. I am definitely going to do that! I’m not sure if everyone knows about their date yet but everyone certainly knows about ours since we sent the Save-The-Date Cards out a month ago. At least I have that going for me! The overlap is somewhere between 10-15 people. It’s not a LOT, but it is important family members so I hope that they will be able to attend our wedding, if not both.
ES123- Fiance and the cousin grew up together. They aren’t as close anymore, but would certainly be attending each others’ weddings. FI’s sister is going to be in the cousin’s wedding. Their families are definitely close–close enough for the weddings to be an issue.
Post # 8
I don’t want to seem rude, because you have some very real concerns re: family overlap, but I think it’s important for all brides-to-be to remember that we get a wedding day, not a wedding month or wedding season. While your cousin may be inconsiderate for not thinking about the family who will have to travel twice to be at both weddings, she’s most likely making choices based on what’s best for herself and her groom, just like you probably are.
I think it’s definitely wise to send your invites out early, and it might help if you could secure some good rates at local hotels to cut the costs for any guests who will choose to travel twice.
At the end of the day, if your FH truly matters to these relatives, they’ll be at your wedding if they possibly can.
Good luck! I hope this helps!