Wedding Date Same As Parents That Are No Longer Together?

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Because it’s not the date of your anniversary and is an arbirtary 1 day later…why not have it 1 week later? If you care about your mother’s feelings enough to do so that is. 

Post # 4
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee

Your mom should be happy about this. The date can be turned to a positive memory for her instead of a negative one.

Post # 5
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

Being a day after the anniversary of your first date really isn’t significant. Even though your mom took it back that doesn’t mean she won’t have hurt feelings or think back on the pain of her divorce once the day comes. I would change the date. Keeping it wouldn’t be as important as possibly sparing my mother painful memories on a day meant to be filled with joy.

Post # 6
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I feel like if she made it this far in life without you even realizing that this day was a day that upset her greatly then it probably isn’t actually a day that upsets her greatly. I mean this had to be 20ish years ago that she was married? And she’s still carrying a hangup on the wedding date? I wouldn’t think so. She probably had a knee jerk reaction when she realized it was the same date but realized how childish it was to still be carrying around that upset especially over something like a date. I would have the wedding when it makes the most sense logistically. if you are just really torn up about it I would speak to her again and ask if it is really something that is going to keep her from enjoying your wedding. If so, you can consider moving it a week in either direction 

Post # 7
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Your mom responded quickly and negatively. This means she obviously has feelings about it whether she took it back or not. If you’re close with her and would like to spare her negative feelings, I’d probably not choose this date. Not because other people’s feelings need to dictate your life, no way. But if I knew that on my wedding day my mom might have a slight twinge of her own personal heartache or feelings of her first love gone wrong, etc, because of something I had control over I would try to eliminate that. While your parents had a nasty divorce as you say, they obviously felt love enough to want to marry. Your wedding day might end up being a day filled with “where did we go wrong” and a major emotional overload. Maybe I’m COMPLETELY wrong. I don’t know you or your mom. Just giving you something to consider since her reaction seemed like she was carrying negative feelings from 20+ years ago. 

Post # 8
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I would choose another date. If after so many years your mum is still this upset, it probably means that the date is still affecting her negatively even though she have not shown her feelings in the past.

Also, it’s already one day after your first date anniversary; having it one week(s) after wouldn’t make too big of a difference I think. 

Post # 9
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t be MAD exactly, but I’m divorced from my son’s dad, and honestly I would be more than a little “WTF” and weirded out if my son chose our wedding date for his own wedding. 

I’d be honest if he asked, then shut my mouth for him to make his own decision, but honestly I’d really hate that date. Just seems to symbolize something that doesn’t exist any longer, even if that’s not the intent.

Guessing your mom knew she overreacted verbally and it should be your call, but deep down she doesn’t like it.

Post # 10
Member
1353 posts
Bumble bee

There’s 365 days in a year. I’d pick another one bc this will inevitably come up again.

Post # 11
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2020 - Germany

Definitely not a problem in my book. My grandparents, my parents and my uncle all got married on the same date (not the same year obviously lol) and 2 of those marriages ended in divorce yet my sister had that date for her wedding last year as it’s  become a sort of tradition 🙂 No one was upset in any way with her, just joked they hoped her marriage would be more long lasting! No hard feelings at all 🙂

However, if your mum was upset by it and you don’t *need* to have that as your date couldn’t you just choose another? Obviously it’s less tradition and more sore spot in your family :/

Post # 12
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If I were you, I’d choose a week before or after. It’s not the anniversary of your first date, so that’s insignificant. It’ll always be bittersweet for your mom, and you’re unlikely to forget that it was your parent’s anniversary now that you know. It just makes way more sense to avoid any complications and choose another Saturday. 

Post # 13
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’d choose a different day or get married on the Friday. It would just seem weird to me. And kind of like a bad omen (even though I’m not usually superstitious). 

Post # 14
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I can totally understand her point. It will upset your mum and then she will see your dad at the wedding. Choose another day

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