Wedding day advice and regrets

posted 3 months ago in Recaps
Post # 16
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Stuff is going to go wrong. You can’t plan for it. If you plan for it by reading through all the lists, something else will still go wrong.

On our wedding day my bustle broke, my hair fell out my up-do, my veil fell out three times, the traffic was bad meaning the florist was late and then made me late too, my FIL got changed into scruffy clothes while the photographer was still there he couldn’t just be smart for a few hours, my FIL also said a lot of hurtful things before the ceremony which I still don’t forgive him for, my dad was heckled during his speech, the best man’s speech was NOT funny, the flowers were the wrong colour, I felt so ill the whole reception, we didn’t get all the photos we wanted. 

You can’t plan for all of that. Something will always go wrong.

However, I had the attitude of whatever goes wrong, goes wrong. As a result, I loved our wedding day.

The one thing I regret about our wedding day – not spending more time with the people who came to celebrate with us. My aunt passed away shortly after the wedding, we were close so it hit me hard. At the wedding we thought her battle with cancer was over and she was going to be fine so I didn’t spend a lot of time with her thinking there was plenty of time and instead spoke to people who I saw less frequently. She deteriorated quickly, like in the space of two days going from walking around to being dead. So on your wedding day, hug everyone that is there for you. Whether you see them all the time or every 10 years. Remember the real reason you got married and had a celebration – to share with those people you love so focus on them not the other stuff.

Post # 17
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

amethyst27 :  I’m sorry not everything went right on your big day. I hope you still enjoyed it though and had some amazing memories.

I’m just replying to mention about the numb feet thing…I went to the horse races a couple of years ago wearing some very uncomfortable high shoes. I was stood up from 10:00am until 03:00am when we got a taxi home. My feet were so painful and also went numb for about a week after. It does eventually wear off though and go back to normal. I’ll never wear those shoes for a stood up event again!

Post # 18
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

amethyst27 :  Numbness anywhere in your body needs to be checked out, see your doctor.

Post # 19
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

-Have a point person. You’ll have too much happening to be able to field all the questions you’re going to get. I directed all questions to my planner or my DH.

-Expect things to go wrong and don’t freak out about it. No matter what, as long as you end up married at the end of the day, your wedding was a success.

Post # 20
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

-Turn your phone off. The day before and the day of the wedding, my phone was off. Quite a few people were texting me but it was all things that were not my problem. Or just not things that you bother a bride with the day before or the day of her wedding. (Someone texted me five times about one person who didn’t get a welcome bag at hotel check in. Wtf.) It was a huge stress relief. Our vendors all had my MOHs number if they needed something  urgently which they didn’t. You can read congratulatory shit after the wedding.

-Have a strictly communicated game plan for getting everyone from the rehearsal to the dinner or just have the two in the same place. Have people assigned to cars. Have uber captains. It was like herding cats trying to get everyone there but all the cats are saying “what can I do to help?” And won’t get into a damn taxi. 

-Take a few minutes after the ceremony to relax and talk by yourselves for a few minutes. No photographer, parents or bridal party.  We had a side room off the hotel we went in. We got to sit, eat apps, sip water, and be happy alone for five or so minutes. Wouldn’t have traded that for anything.

-Empower whoever is waiting on your new husband and you to walk up and let you know your food is on the table. Also, sweetheart table was the best. We are in total peace and no one bothered us. When you’re at a head or round table with your wedding party, people will stop by and say hi and distract you from your food. At the sweetheart it was clear that you were interrupting newlywed conversation and dinner so back off. 

-like the pps have said, it’s good to accept that not everything will be perfect. On top of that, accept that your job is done, and the wedding is planned and out of your control about 24 hours beforehand. It’s sort of like studying for a big test, no amount of last minute cramming will change how well or how badly it’s going to go. It’s good to socialize this idea from the start. Like as soon as you get engaged. Keep in in you mind early that your job is done a day or two before so chill out, get rest, kick back and enjoy yourself. 

Post # 21
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee

emeraldbee :  ugh. I’m sorry. 🙁

 

My photographer had a list of photos I wanted…clearly he wasn’t carrying around the list either.  Live and learn….

Post # 22
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I don’t know if I can add anything that hasn’t been said, but I second putting someone in charge.

For me, that person was my sister.  She was not a bridesmaid as my 2 nieces and nephew were in the wedding and she thought it was better to not stand up so she could help more.  And she was right.  My vendors had her number as well as mine.  I didn’t realize until dinner was served that we had received the wrong potatoes as one of our sides, and the caterer had contacted my sister to apologize ahead of time since they couldn’t get a hold of me.  It actually was not a big deal at all (and they were better than what we had picked out originally) but it was nice to not deal with it.  My sister also negotiated a bit of a refund, LOL.

Our venue had a day of coordinator, and she made things so much easier as well, so if you’re just picking a venue, I would definitely find one that not only has one, but one that will be there the day of the wedding.  My friend got married last summer at a different venue and they had a coordinator, but she didn’t know she wouldn’t be at the wedding (which is why I made sure mine would be there).  They were short one bartender and her husband was scrambling trying to get a hold of the coordinator to get the extra guy they had agreed on.

My husband and I also really tried to soak it all in.  Fortunately, we had a sweetheart table and people left us alone to eat.  And we actually did eat.  The day absolutely flew by and there weren’t a lot of places at our venue where we could just get away for a moment, but we managed to a couple of times, even just for a few minutes.

Post # 23
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

VictorianChick :  yep! Ours was more circumstantial. Weather was cold and rainy and we were taking bridal party shots outside and just about to do the pics of the 3 of us when my daughter got cold and refused to stay outside any longer. We said we’d do it later after she warmed up, but completely forgot. 

We have great ones of me and her and DH and her, so that will have to do. 

Post # 24
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My wedding isn’t for another 10 months but I’m finding all of this really helpful, thanks for the topic OP and everyone who’s contributing.

Post # 25
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

1. Trust the people who are helping you. They ended up pulling everything off.

2. Eat your dinner and then get up and start visiting with people. We had four very large tables and our table. We had a plan of attack on which tables we would go see first. I ate dinner and then my husband went to grab me something and got pulled away for probably 20 minutes when he walked by our friends’ table. This is twenty minutes that I could’ve spent talking to people that I didn’t even see that day. By the time he got back it was time to cut cake, then we got pulled aside for pictures because the sun was going down, and by the time we were done with pictures the only interaction I had with some peoeple was saying goodbye. Some people I did not even talk to. There are others that I don’t even remember LOOKING at on the wedding day. We didn’t have an insane amount of people…around 130. This is my biggest regret.

3. Write a speech. I was too busy and caught up in other things that I didn’t write a speech. We did a rehearsal dinner speech (thank goodness). We planned to just throw something together last minute after we cut cake but then got pulled aside and that speech never happened. I feel like a jerk.

4. Remember your garter, if you have one. DJ asked me if I would like to do the garter and bouquet tosses and I realized I never put my garter on, so we skipped them both lol. 

5. Have someone in charge of reminding your groom to put on DRESS SOCKS. When my husband knelt down for the first time taking photos, he was quite embarassed when everyone noticed that he was wearing normal socks -_- lol

6. Don’t beat yourself up. With all the above mistakes and regrets, you can’t beat yourself up over this stuff. It is impossible to talk to everyone the way you should in such a short amount of time. People will get over it. You will have other times that you can catch up with people. Things will go wrong. Our officiant fudged a part of our ceremony and I was cringing but no one else noticed but me. 

7. Take time to look around at your guests. I wish I had done more of this. What I did do of it was amazing. There were people who have never met that were interacting, dancing together, playing yard games together, having great conversations and laughs. How wonderful to have everyone you both love in the same location all at once. 

8. Dance with your flower girl before she changes out of her dress. This is another one that makes me sad. My neice was tearing up the dance floor during dinner and I should’ve taken the opportunity but I had a “plan” and needed to stick with it. Well, it was a hot day and she wanted to change out of her dress by the time I got around to it, so I will have no photos or memories of us dancing in our princess dresses together.

9. Have an earlier wedding. Our ceremony began at 5:15pm. I would’ve started it at 3:30pm or 4:00pm if I could re-do everything. It got late for the kids and for everyone and people were more likely to feel rushed to leave as it got late. This would’ve left more time for a lot of things but I would’ve had to wake up earlier.

10. Eat before the ceremony and make someone in charge of bringing you water (especially on those hot days)

 

Post # 26
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

1. It’s your party. Enjoy it.  Don’t let whatever goes wrong ruin your mood.

2. Comfy shoes.

3. Do find a moment to eat something. 

Speaking of advice, DH sprang something on me at the wedding. He decided to pass the mike around so everyone in the room could give us one piece of advice. I’m a total introvert, so standing in the middle of the hall listening to everyone’s little speeches was not easy! I guess I could say that was a case of things going wrong at the wedding 🙂 but in hindsight, it was a sweet way to include the whole family. I guess that could have gone badly, cause sometimes wedding speeches do, but  thankfully everyone said really lovely things and we still remember a lot of it. 

Post # 27
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

One of my biggest regrets for the whole wedding was not wearing flats from the start! I was measured wearing 3.5″ heels and they were gorgeous! But i only lasted in them until the end of the ceremony. By the time we were about 10 minutes into formal pictures I was absolutely dying and had to take them off, then I was tripping over my too long dress all night.

Post # 28
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

I got tired of pleasing everyone else during the wedding planning process and my fiancé and I decided one Sunday afternoon that it was becoming too ridiculous and opted to get married the next Saturday. After securing the date and time with the church, we called our parents and said it was going to be a small family and close friends only wedding and whoever could make it would be there. Nobody complained about ANYTHING. It was the most peacefully busy week ever but everything went off without a hitch. I didn’t have any expectations of perfection. I assumed my fiancé would be running late for pictures (he’s always late! I even gave him a false start time to help create a buffer on our timeline for the day). I gave my photographer the list of pictures I wanted three days prior to the wedding day (I also paid the remainder of her fee early as well). I didn’t plan on having cake or punch but some ladies from the church were kind enough to have one there for us! 

 

My BIGGEST recommendation is to remember to always smile! I have a resting bitch face and I knew everyone would be taking pictures since our guest list was limited… and sure enough, once everyone started sharing their pictures with me I was so happy I reminded myself to smile – obviously it wasn’t THAT hard to smile all day but still… 

Post # 29
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

Great advice!

I agree! Remember to smile! My wedding day was super stressful and some people got pics of me looking super drained and stressed. lol

Also, I gave my MOH my phone in the morning and I didn’t get it back until after the wedding. It was great. She answered and responded to texts for me. I was so surprised how many people actually called and messaged me asking me things the day of my wedding. 

Yes and bring flats! I changed into my flats during the night and it was a lifesaver. 

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