Post # 17
Given how long 4 months is, I might talk to your doctor about an anti-anxiety med. Also, be careful not to add something to the regimin on your wedding day if you haven’t tried it yet. (Being dizzy and shy won’t help anything!)
I’m keeping my fingers crossed that when I walk out and see my soon!!-to-be-husband that I will put my blinders on. Like <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-weight: bold”>aspring noted, I don’t think that everyone else will cease to exist, but I am banking on not caring.
And like <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-weight: bold”>bluebell, we’re planning on having the DJ make an annoucement to have peopel join us on the dancefloor after 30-60 seconds. (Once we find the song, we may have a better idea about the timing. That way we aren’t limiting the search to songs that are under 3 minutes…)
Post # 18
If you are looking into things to help you with the anxiety for the months leading up to your wedding, there are several things I have taken up recently to combat wedding stress and anxiety. I started doing yoga (ok, I do the Wii Fit version ); I started meditating and deep breathing at least 1/2 hour every day (usually before bed), and I started getting regular massages (every 1-2 weeks). Also, I found that I feel a lot better when I excercise during the day by running, walking the dogs, biking, etc… and that I respond really well to aromatherapy (I rub a chamomile and lavendar oil behind my earlobes before bed to help me relax).
Post # 19
I know "the blotch" is no fun, but I was excited to see that someone else has this like I do. I get the same red blotches on my face, neck, and chest for any emotions and if I’ve been drinking. People are always asking about it, especially because I give a lot of presentations at work. I’m not anxious at all about being the center of attention, but I know I’ll be so excited that I’ll probably get "the blotch" big time. I’m actually not worried about it though because most everyone who will be there already knows about it. I guess this isn’t really helpful, I was just glad to see someone else who gets it. Good Luck!
Post # 20
@papermate: I’m so jealous of your confidence with the blotch! I try to tell myself to accept it because everyone knows it happens to me also, but I’m still unable to come to terms with it happening. Maybe I’m convinced that someday it will just disappear (I wish!). P.S. It’s definitely nice knowing I’m not the only one out there!
@doctorgirl: thanks for the advice about beta-blockers, I’m going to ask my provider about that next time I see her!
Post # 21
I think all of us would be lying if all of us brides didn’t admit to at least a little anxiety over having all eyes on us for a day. However, this definitely becomes problematic when you’re suffering from insomnia.
Think of it this way: What could go wrong to embarass you? Weddings are unique in that people are so excited for the bride and groom and have an emotional connection with you. It’s different than being an actor on stage (where people are paying to watch someone perform, and therefore have higher expectations). People know that you are anxious and nervous about the big day, so everyone will overlook it if you stumble a little over your vows.
If you’re still nervous, it might be beneficial to talk to a therapist during these next few months to give you some relaxation techniques to truly enjoy your day. I would personally recommended guided relaxation CDs (there is a ton of them on Amazon) and relaxation yoga.
Hope you’re able to relax!
Post # 22
I did a little research yesterday on breathing exercises. Last night before I went to bed I spent some time doing them and I slept better than I have in months!!! Yipeee!!
I wanted to try other options before going to a doctor. It seems so silly to go into a doctor and say, "I am having anxiety over attention on my wedding day." I mean, duh…everyone feels that way!
And I wanted to thank everyone for the encouragement. I am trying to make myself realize that everyone there is there because they love and care about us…which is comforting, if just a little bit.
Post # 23
I know this is a little different but I had significant anxiety issues prior to taking the bar exam to the point where it really interfered with my sleep during the months that lead up to it. I even had breathing issues. The only thing that helped me was exercise. I would either run outside or on the treadmill as fast as I could until I was so tired that I had to stop. Exercise really helped me manage my anxiety so it might be worth a try.
Post # 24
Hi. This was something that I was also very anxious about. I do not like being the center of attention, and I turn red and get nervous when I am. However, I didn’t let it get to me before the wedding. I knew I’d be nervous, but I managed to keep it in the back of my mind as something to deal with when I got to it. So if I were you, I’d try putting it into a different perspective. Realize that, yes, you will be nervous, but also realize that you will survive and get through it. And leave it at that instead of worrying about it.
On the night before the wedding, it might help to have a sleepover. That’s what I did. I was surrounded by my sisters and friends, and they kept me laughing and gave me minimal time to dwell on the fact that I was going to be the center of attention the next day. On the day of the wedding, try to keep yourself busy. My day was busy from the moment I got up, so I didn’t have time to think about being nervous. That helped a lot.
The worst part for me was during the ceremony. When I focused on the ceremony, I was okay because I had something to focus on and something to do. And I never once looked out into the crowd, instead focusing on my fiance and what we were doing. But when it came time for the officiant to talk about us as a couple, I got extremely nervous, knowing that all eyes were on me, and thought I was going to pass out because I couldn’t breathe. In hind sight, I really wish I would have mentioned my problem to the officiant before hand so he would know to minimize that sort of thing. So, I would suggest that you do this as well. I know the ceremony will of course be a focus on you as a couple, but the officiant can put the focus more on the "ceremony" aspect than on the "you as a couple" aspect, if that makes sense.
Once you make it past the ceremony, you should be fine. For the toast, you are surrounded by your bridal party and have probably already had a few drinks. And by the first dance, you’ve mingled with the crowd and realized you’re in the company of friends and family who all love you.
Post # 25
Go make yourself an appointment with a 5-elements (not traditional!) acupuncturist… PROMISE it will help you SO MUCH! I had weird health problems about 2 1/2 years ago and when regular doctors couldn’t help me I started acupuncture. It has been amazing… and is so relaxing! If you go for treatments from now until your wedding you’ll be in much better shape. To find someone good you can look here: http://www.tai.edu/Practitioners.aspx
Tai Sophia is one of the only accredidted acupuncture schools in the country and from the above website you can search their list of graduates. Even if you’re afraid of needles you can benefit! Good luck dear! I hope you find something because it would be so sad to do so much for your wedding day and then not be able to enjoy the day too!
Post # 26
We had 150 guests, and looking at the photos later on (and writing the thank you notes) I kept asking "Really – so-and-so was there? Are you sure?" Believe it or not, everybody doesn’t actually spend the entire evening staring at you. They socialize with each other, dance, congratulate your parents, eat, drink, admire the decorations… In fact, you will find that you need someone to make announcements in order to get your guests’ attention when you want to have a toast or cut the cake – as they will all be busy doing other things and paying very little attention to you.
Most of them will try to at least say hello to you, and you should really try to make it around the room and at least speak to all of them. But unless you arrange your day to include a bunch of events where you really are the focus of the whole room (like, for instance, a choreographed first dance, a bouquet toss, a grand introduction) you shouldn’t really be the absolute center of attention. If you think about it, you aren’t actually the center of attention during something like a toast – most people will be looking at the person giving the toast. If you don’t like the idea of a first dance alone with your new husband, you can have the first dance include your immediate families, and even your attendants. Also, getting a good DOC, or at least designating friends and family members to take care of various things can take a lot of pressure off you, so you don’t have to much to worry about.
Really, my memories of my wedding are mostly about the small group of people or single person I was focused on at the time – my dad, and my good friend who was singing when we walked down the aisle; my husband (and his brother and my sister) waiting for me at the altar; the pastor; my sister and new Brother-In-Law giving their toasts. And then the guests who came by a few at a time to chat and congratulate us. Anyway, I hope your day goes the same – just a whirlwind of excitement and happiness – and not so much worry.
Post # 27
A friend of mine who is really shy videotaped her vows instead of saying them live at the ceremony. I know it’s a little extreme but it helped her a lot. Also I think doing the ‘repeat after me’ type vows instead of writing your own might take the difficulty out of public speaking. And practicing everything you’ll have to say/do before hand does wonders. I used to have to practice presentations for school so many times! Then I had a summer job as a tour guide and I just totally got over stage fright. If it wasn’t for that I would be so nervous too.
Post # 28
So, I’ve posted a few times to other posts about how my mom totally stressed me out on my wedding day with everything. So I was also extremely nervous as soon as I was getting ready to walk down the isle! My dad was telling me how badly I was shaking, I knew! I could barely walk up the church stairs I was so freaked out!
As soon as I saw my husband, it was like it all melted away. He has this way of calming me, and I hope you feel the same way about your fiances as I do about my husband! It was like once I saw him, I couldn’t think about anything else. I was finally able to see him and stand next to him and be as happy as I wanted to be!
The same thing happened when we danced our first dance! Since my mom was still stressing me out, it was the first time that no one could talk to us, and it was the first time I was able to have a conversation with my husband and not have anyone interrupt us! It was as if we were the only two people in the room.
Just keep your focus on your fiance! He and you have made it through the planning and the tough decisions of getting to that point TOGETHER, and you’ll get each other through the ceremony! You girls can do it
Post # 29
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
Oooh, I totally feel you on being nervous about being the center of attention. I think in some ways it will be different b/c it is your wedding day. You will be so excited/nervous about all the little details that maybe you’ll forget about being the center of attention. At least for a little while. Just try to keep in mind that while, yes, everyone will be paying attention to you and your groom for much of the day, there will be other things for people to focus on, like eating dinner, mingling, and dancing. Also, just try to remember that everyone is there b/c they love you and are happy for you!
I second both the yoga and the aerobics idea. Always makes my stress melt away.
Finally, if nothing else helps, there are anti-anxiety pills you can take. I’m pretty sure there are even some for people with what is called "social anxiety disorder." Might be worth a shot.
Good luck. I hope you are able to relax and enjoy this wonderful time in your life!
Post # 30
My sister was the same way. She was DREADING walking down the aisle with everyone staring at her. Her solutions was to build her bouquet as she walked down the aisle, so that she had something to do as she walked down the aisle rather than just be stared at.
Her bouquet was gerber daisies. She had special people (her godmother, hr husband’s sister, some good friends, etc.) sit on the aisle seats holding one gerber daisy, and as she made her way down the aisle they each handed her a flower, one by one. So when she got to the end of the aisle, she had a whole bouquet, which our mother then tied for her with a ribbon.
She said this helped her immensely, because instead of feeling like she was being stared by 125 people, she was having little moments with those individuals, taking the flower, saying thank you to each one, then moving on to the next person.
And also, it was a sweet way to include important people in the ceremony.
Just one idea for you. Good luck!