Wedding Day PTSDposted 9 months ago in Wellness
- 9 months ago
bumblebug : I think the OP is not in a time of accepting how she was treated. The opposite. It was a damaging traumatic moment, so that it rings in her head 9 years later when the husband raises his voice. She considers it was a big deal. It feels big, for sure to her. Probably there is more damage for her when her friend in real life, her husband, her mother may be, people on the interent, who knows, insist to her it is no big deal.
Healing is not from acceptance. I am in a struggle because I have trouble with English, so I hope I explain. Healing is not to accept as no big deal, a trauma that happens to you. For the poster healing may be to say, this happened, it was bad, I can not change what happened but I can change the story. I have the power to change the meaning of what happened in my life, I tell my own story. I am not helpless to this event even though I can not change it, I determine its meaning for my life.
There are things you can do when there is an intrusive thought, skills the poster can learn to do when it comes to mind, for pain control. Wider healing then this is to remember the story with a different meaning; may be remember this as a time of strength when some thing so bad happened but you found the inner resource to pull through it, even with no outside support for it.
The other part is from her husband. It is very traumatic for many when there is a pain display and the loved one is non responsive to it. We see this in animal families. For what ever reason she still does not feel he apologize from sorrow but because it was forced. May be the husband is mean and in truth does not care, may be he is loving but lacks empathy to understand, may be he is to ashamed of his action to admit it is big deal.
The reason the poster feels this way is not so important. It was an instance she felt contempt and abandonment from her brand new husband. She is reminded of it when he raises his voice. This is some thing she must work with her husband for. It is not unusual at all, with women that do not feel the husband understands the full consequence of his treatment of her and so can not accept the apology as real.
Now, may be the poster needs a professional for this, it is PTSD, or these are really intrusive thoughts, I do not know. You know in the case of a death not every one who has grieving needs a psychiatrist to heal but some do. It is not possible to tell from 1 post on the internet how severe or what is needed. In any case if a poster asks if they need help, it is not helping to say YES like it is so obvious. Hitting some one over the head with “you need help so bad” or like that, does not help them. People do not understand this, but it does not make them go get help, it more frequent times repels them from going.
- 9 months ago
Innerdonught : I am not the only one who is shocked by the display women put on here. Well, I decide I am too old to be afraid of mean girls. I am sorry you are exhausted. I myself am exhausted to watch tactless, needless cruelty done for others. For no reason other then sport and entertainment.
- 9 months ago
- Wedding: October 2017
I just can’t keep track anymore! Op has not been back but the story has changed from “he yelled at me and said my mom is a b****” to a drunk groom in a bridal suite with an intrusive sister and the groom is drunkenly yelling at the bride making her a victim of abuse.
Did I capture the whole story? I don’t know where op ended and the spiraling story started!
- 9 months ago
mrsnyctola : If you can’t get over an argument 9 years later and think about it all the time, then yes, you need a professional. And it won’t help for me to say “well, I don’t know your situation, so maybe if you feel like it would be helpful you should see someone. Or maybe just learn to process. I mean it’s totally normal to feel sad. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. I don’t know, maybe if you want see a counselor” when the real answer is “fuck yes, you need help!”. Because if she doesn’t see someone, her kids will suffer and she will suffer. I’m not sugar coating that.
If you continue building a life with someone you are accepting them and their behavior.
If you don’t try to change something you are implicitly approving of it.
If you can’t forgive your partner of a decade and every argument reminds you of your horrid wedding night that you cry over, then maybe you need to see a specialist and dump that mother fucker because this relationship is not healthy.
And finally, don’t insult people who suffer from ptsd by self diagnosing.