(Closed) Wedding Day Ruined by MIL and Family

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt

what an awful situation and extremely rude family. As long as the new hubby (congrats!) is on board just let thme stew in their nagativy. People create the heaven and hell they wish to live in life. They made their decision. I suggest canceling this Facebook profile and start a fresh one with people that love and support you. As the for the husband and his family, I can’t imagine that will be easy but it sounds like he supports you and he is confident in his decision

Post # 3
Member
763 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Whoa that family is something else! Seriously don’t pander to them, I don’t know how you put up with that but I am sure it is because you wanted to keep the peace and try and maintain a relationship but they are a bunch of arseholes so screw them. 

 

Post # 4
Member
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your new family sound absolutely delightful. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Just reading it made me want to scratch them in the face (classic girly fighting!)

You are so much better off having them out of your lives. Really pleased that your husband supports you in this.

I have to admit, I did want to laugh at the stupidity of the guests who went to go to the toilet to stop you getting married – obviously you wanted people to see you so you waited but them going to the toilet doesn’t mean you can’t get married! I would have asked someone to stand at the front of the church and say loudly, “there are men in the toilet with serious bowel problems. Does anyone have some medication for them? I warn you now – don’t go in there!”

Post # 5
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
bridetobe717:  The way you handled all of that is incredible OP. I felt angry just reading about how disrespectful and demanding they were. You were the best host. Your generous and meek nature should be treasured by his family. To me it looked like they would set an obstacle, you would jump over it, they would get more wound up! 

Like PP said I would start a new FB. I would also let your DH deal with anything stressful for now whilst you recover. Would a marriage blessing be something you would consider for your anniversary? It’s a lovely way to have an intimate, peaceful and romantic space together 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

Your husband should have stuck up for you and never allowed any of this to happen. This is truly awful. I don’t even know what to say. Your Mother-In-Law sounds like a whack job. His whole family sound nasty. But mostly I feel pissed at your husband. He should’ve let her and the others know that not an ounce of this shit would be tolerated.

Post # 7
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
bridetobe717:  I agree that your new husband should have been more proactive in dealing with the issues his family were causing but what’s done is done – you should let him know that you’re a team and you expect more from him if anything similar happens in future. At least he is in agreement that they are no longer a part of your lives.

Are you going on honeymoon? I think it would be lovely for the two of you to take your wedding outfits with you, maybe have a small blessing, have some beautiful photographs taken and enjoy a meal just the two of you. A day to focus on how wonderful it is that you’re now husband and wife without anyone to add any drama!

Post # 8
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

I actually see some fault of your own here.  If your Mother-In-Law is hosting the rehearsal dinner, why on Earth did you put down your credit card for open bar right in front of her at the event?  That is embarassing and overstepping.  We had a lovely paid-for rehearsal dinner for 30 people with non-acoholic drinks provided and a cash bar (open bar for wedding reception).  Everyone was more than okay with it.  How do you think you made her look/feel?  Obviously not great since she cried.  And did you ever go over to her and ask if she was all right?  

I am also confused as to why you would send out Save the Dates without CONFIRMING with the paying person that he/she would pay for 1/3 of the guests.  So no communication with Father-In-Law here.  Then emailing their family and rescinding those invites?  Tacky.

As for complaining about his family sitting in the front tables and enjoying the photo booth, did you not want them to?  Did you have a planned seating chart?  Why didn’t you book a rehearsal dinner venue months in advance to avoid that commotion?  

I get the feeling there is a lack of communiation here, and it’s between you and his parents.  Try to work on it or these unfortunate circumstances will keep happening throughout your life.

Post # 9
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I see that there has been a lot of miscommunication here in addition to just plain vice. I don’t understand why his family was so against your marriage.  It’s more than just making rude comments, they went to extreme lengths to try to make your day terrible. But why? Also why does your husband not step up and defend you? You’re saying he’s the “love of your life”, which is probably true,  but it irks me that this guy had almost nothing done to stop the abuse.  If I was in your situation,  where Fiance s family attacks me,  he wouldl trear  their throats out defending me.  What did your  husband do? Nothing!  Also if you knew that they don’t like you,  why did you pay for this big wedding,  knowing in advance that there might be problems? This is clearly an elopement scenario.   Also,  this pisses me off,  but why did you pay for the wedding alone? You are getting married to a guy,  he must contribute!  It’s embarrassing that he had to ask his mommy and daddy to help out.  How about he gets an extra job to help you pay for this wedding?  Sorry OP, I’m getting angry for you.  I want to kick your dear husbands ass and his family also.  

Post # 10
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
tagerosan:  yeah I agree with this. I thought it was weird she’s footing the bill and not also her Fiance. And to top it off she’s copping abuse from HIS family (the people contributing nothing). Then on the day she’s upset and not enjoying her own wedding (that she foot the bill for) while he runs around hugging the people being nasty to her. Very odd. 

Post # 11
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
morningcoffee:  yes! Shit! Be a man and step up to the plate here! Get a job and tell your dear auntie and mommy to f- off unless they want to be out of his life! And he’s the love of OP’s life?  Nothing to love for.  

Post # 12
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
bridetobe717:  I’m sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately it’s a result of multiple things, which include you being a pushover, a spineless husband, a nasty mother in law, and miscommunication. 

If anyone gave you the stink eye (who isn’t related to you) and openly mocked you, you should’ve thrown them out. Why are you apologizing to people who were cruel? Also, if someone tried to start a Facebook war with me, I would fire back and say that the in laws contributed nothing.

[Edited – I removed some stuff since I misread your post. Thanks SaraJeanQ for pointing it out.]

Your husband should have done something. It’s a red flag that he just let his friends and family shit on you. It will happen throughout your marriage too. 

Why didn’t your husband helpout financially with the wedding? You could’ve cut out the photo booth to accommodate for additional guests. 

It seems there’s more to the story that you aren’t letting on or that you aren’t aware of because of how your husband may have handled the situation. I hope you will get past this, but I understand how ruined weddings might be something that you just don’t get over because there really is no do over. In situations like this, I am pro vow renewal ceremonies.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by dojx.
Post # 13
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

Lady, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I really feel your pain. My wedding day was similar to yours, except it wasnt my Mother-In-Law that was awful to me, it was MY mom and SIL. Family is hard.

 

I think you need to have a conversation with your husband. As long as the two of you band together to make your own family unit, you’ll be ok. If he starts putting his mother over you, or ignores the nastiness that shes dishing out, then things might get rocky. Your husband should have stood up for you. Your wedding day should have been about you and your husband, not about pandering to your obnoxious inaws.

Honnestly, I’m livid thinking that you were hurting and publicly being mocked and talked about negatively, and your husband did nothing. He needs to learn to stand up to his family. 

Post # 14
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
dojx:  Re: the Facebook situation, it sounds like OP started it by posting publicly to his cousin “Thanks for being the only supporter” and then his family (maybe understandably, since they were there) took offense to that.  Then SHE de-friended them.  Hmm……….

Post # 15
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
tagerosan:  I take a lot of offense to this. You don’t know the OP and her husband’s situation. For instance, I will be paying for our wedding with help from my mom. My Fiance can’t work due to a disability, and if someone ever told me that he wasn’t a man because he wasn’t able to financially contribute, they’d get throat punched. I do agree though that he should have stood up for her much more than he did.

View original reply
essgee:  This is really good advice–OP you should definitely do this.

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