@theatrejulia: He is completely supportive now. That quote is something amazing and good to keep in mind.
@morningcoffee, @essgee: I agree, he should have. In talking to him, he says he did ask them to stop and even talked about wanting it to be a good day beforehand. He is such a calm, sweet, and good man, and is always steady, which is why I married him, and I think they needed much more than a conversation to keep them in line – and it is something he definitely learned from. I think what is hard for him is he is completely shocked, mortified, and embarassed himself. He has done nothing but apologize to my family for their treatment.
@SaraJeanQ: I think there is some misunderstanding here. I get how she could have been taken aback with the opening of the bar if we hadn’t already discussed it. However, on at least two occasions we talked about offering beer and wine, and multiple times communicated if they were unable to we would offer to open the bar – and NOTHING was said but that they would pay for all the beverages the night of the rehearsal. So, she clearly knew our intentions about wanting to open the bar, and didn’t say anything but that they would be paying for drinks. So, when she said it would be a cash bar, I figured that meant that we could open the bar if we wanted, since that is what we communicated several times.
As far as the invites, this was something my Fiance wanted to handle with his mom. She spoke on behalf of herself and Father-In-Law and there was no inkling that this decision to pay for their side wasn’t made with the both of them – so there was no need to confirm since a few days before the save the dates were sent, it was decided upon. It wasn’t until several months later that she said they would not be contributing at all to the wedding. So, the email was sent, only to his parents, so that they knew who we would be able to invite financially. Basically distant relatives and family friends were cut (which were already cut on my side due to finances), but it was explained that this was because we weren’t planning on paying for the 1/3 they agreed to pay and this was with our best guess as to what we could save in time for the wedding to pay.
Complaining about his family sitting in the front tables and enjoying the photo booth, of course I wanted them to – I think that’s just my anger getting to me in that we put so much time in making sure their family was welcome into my family that I put my family on the tables further away.
We didn’t book a rehearsal dinner location earlier because each time she said she wanted to host. However, the closer it got, the more nervous I got about nothing happening, and so two weeks out, we go ahead and find a location, and only after finding out we booked a place Mother-In-Law tells my Fiance that she wants to host, and we can have input on the menu, so we let her host.
@tagerosan, @morningcoffee, @dojx: My husband did defend me in the way he knew how before the wedding – by having a rational converstaion with them – and always has. It is something that I truly value in a partner, and would rather not have someone tear someones throat out but rather be able to communicate in a rational, calm way. He now sees that wasn’t effective with his family and has taken more drastic measures with communicating his feelings regarding this wedding now.
My husband contributed by paying for little things – and he got a tutoring job after school to do this – but since the wedding was happening quickly, it was understood that I would be carrying the majority of the bill becasue I would be able to save much more than him because I earn significantly more than him – which I’m fine with. I will not bash him because he couldn’t contribute as much because we decided to take the deal the venue was having to save money in the long run.
I go back and forth about him doing more about this. Much of what happened, he didn’t see until my family and I talked about the behavior they were showing. Of all of this – he saw two interactions, one with his brother, and one with his aunt, and for both he sternly told them to quit it – and they did. And don’t worry – he has definitely told his mom, and the other players in this, off at this point, and is much more stern.
@chance99: “As long as the two of you band together to make your own family unit, you’ll be ok” – That is something we are definitely doing and he is definitely standing up to his family now.
@dojx: Yes – it was a total mistaken post on my end. I even apologized and explained what I meant – that my Fiance really appreciated that they were there for him as they got ready – but it came out wrong. They couldn’t accept that but kept attacking, so I de-friended them.