Spiffanee – I definitely agree.
Dojx – As I said before, I know the facebook post was mis-speaking what I meant. I don’t see a problem publicly thanking her, but the way it was worded was wrong, and I did apologize several times, publicly, for mis-speaking, and edited it to better communicate our thanks.
RobbieAndJuliahaha – She definitely prejudiced them against me before as some of the horrible behavior was from people I’ve met twice or less. Your advice is good – I definitely know my error with the Facebook post. Your second piece of advice is definitely a positive – learning what I’ll never want to be and not being so hesitant to stand up.
Tagerosan – He is not disabled, but it was very clear because we were getting married quickly he couldn’t save as much as I could because I earn double what he earns. He did get another job and contributed what he earned from that, but a majority was still paid for by me.
Becomingsumner – I definitely wanted to do that at some point, or cry in the bathroom, but I didn’t want the drama to further explode. I love the way you’re looking at this – it is the view I’d ultimately like to have about this day.
Futurejewell2017 – Actually, my husband has been in shock about this since it happened, proving that there no real signs that this type of behavior would take place. We have decided to have her, and the other family members engaging in this behavior, out of our life. So, there will be no talking unless a major change and motion of fixing this is made.
Jacqui90 – You make some good points. Much of the more serious actions on the day weren’t fully told to my husband as we only had a few minutes together alone, so I am coming to understand why he was being polite and taking pictures with them. I really don’t get what I did to the family – I have really encouraged my husband to have a better relationship with his father than he had before me, I have helped him take his sister out to do different activities, I always helped him pick out gifts for their birthdays and Christmas, and was always encouraging him to call his family, stay in touch, visit them, etc.
Stefzbee – Love that gif! Good advice!
MrsBuesleBee – Yes, I get the facebook post. I think I didn’t explain the email clearly enough – it really was sent to communicate what we could afford based on my projection of saving. I did, in fact, invite everyone on the list as I was able to save more money about a month before the date, but they were sent in a second delivery of invites when I was able to save more money. The difficulty was the reception only took certified checks – so I needed to make sure I had the cash and couldn’t use credit.
RedHeadKel – Yep – the plan is to distance ourselves. I am trying to see it as a good thing that we saw this behavior before we have children dealing with this.
Jacqui90 – Yes, he is a good man, and is working on his non-confrontational disposition.
Liv2016 – We are spending time doing just that! ☺
Babeba – That’s how I’m feeling now. Being that I’ve never received money from anyone before for an event like this, I didn’t know about needing it beforehand. However, that email was sent to just his parents so they knew what we could afford at that point. There was no way to cut the budget as we had already signed contracts for everything. In the end, a month before I was able to save more money and did, in fact, invite them, but I did the best I could considering it had to be paid in cash but it wasn’t recognized and there was no acknowledgement that they put us in a very difficult position by taking away all their monetary support. You make a good point about the drinks at the rehearsal dinner. However, we made it clear we could put the drinks on credit while the reception needed us to use a certified check, so have cash in the account. Funny thing – another family member wound up paying for the bar tab anyway.
MissStoGee – You’re right, he shouldn’t have had to tell these people how to act. You give good advice and we are working on that now! ☺
Jesais – Seeing my husband deal with all that was told to him about their behavior – he reacted in the same way you did reading this. Both of us had NO idea anything like this was going to happen – if we did, we wouldn’t have invited them.
Bitsybee – I know better now to not accept support unless I see the cash/check in hand! ☺ I tried to play that day – and yep, it doesn’t work.
MissJulianna – You are right about that one good thing. It is the viewpoint we are using to get something positive out of this experience.
Melonseeds – Very true and he is doing just that!
Dearjohnbride – Yeah, we had no inkling they were capable of behavior like this. They have not been very welcoming to me, which is very different from the way my family interacts with my husband (he is like another son/brother), but I just kept being told it was different family dynamics. If we had any evidence this behavior was going to occur, uninviting them, taking a stand, etc. would have been done a long time ago. I think I brushed the rehearsal dinner off because really the behavior was so shocking and there was no way it could continue the next day – NOW I know better!
MusicalKitten – Thank you so much for your story – it definitely helps knowing that we are not alone in this!
Minniegrace – It could always be worse! ☺
Mrselaine – That is what spurred this post, we are hoping to shake it off and love life! I’m so sorry you are five minutes away – we are in the city and they are an hour away – won’t be taking that hour-long trip anymore!
Lareolin – I like the earning your way back in and I definitely kick myself for not getting mad sooner. I think maybe if I made a big stand at the rehearsal – things would have been different day day of.
Gsxr06 – I’m sure there are definite attachment issues. Your post is wonderful and has really helped me a lot – it’s something I will definitely read over and over to remind myself of the positives.
Sarajeanq – Read my response to babeba – the rehearsal could be paid with credit, the reception could not. That is why we were so tight with the cash we were able to save and really counted on what was promised us by his family. The conversation about the money was before the save the dates were sent – so we trusted they would come through with the money they promised. When they couldn’t, I literally sat with my bank account, projected savings, budget, etc. and we pinched and scraped and was able to invite everyone but maybe 15 people. But the email was just to let them know what we could afford in trying to make this work. We were hoping to hear that they were able to come up with paying for the 15 people. However, she began calling the family and saying they were uninvited instead. In the end, I was able to save more money and they were all invited in the second batch of invites.