(Closed) Wedding Day Ruined by MIL and Family

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

this is actually the worst thing I have ever heard!!!! I was reading it with a look of shock the whole time! that woman is a piece of work..I can’t even believe it. I’m so so so sorry that your big day went down like that. I have to agree though that your hubby should have done a bit more to mediate the situation, espcially since it was his family. If my man’s family ever treated me like that, I know he would step in and say something…something you should speak to him about..

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  jesais.
Post # 32
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Lesson learned – always plan for the what you can afford and scale up only once funds are available. 

Also, c*ntasauruses are usually pretty obvious from a mile away. Easiest way to deal with them is to just live your life. 

Why accommodate them when there’s no way to win? Just don’t play. 

Post # 33
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
bridetobe717:  I’m so sorry that this is how your wedding day went… How absolutely heartbreaking…

The one good thing is that you are now married and your husband was able to see who all of these people really are now, and you can both go live your lives in peace.

 

Post # 34
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your husband can stand to learn some more techniques about dealing with unsavory people like his relatives – firm, direct, and with consequences. Clearly words don’t hurt them and only add fire to the fire, so take away what they care about – no access to grandchildren, no mother-son relationship, and no vistiing / gifts for holidays until they show you respect. 

Post # 35
Member
1687 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Yeah his family sounds crazy! Especially his mom. But I have to say, didnt you know this already? How have they treated you before? Was this new?

If his family had treated me harshly as his did to you while we were dating and engaged (and I think it’s pretty safe to assume they did), well let’s just say I wouldn’t have been as accommodating as you. I’m not putting blame on you or your husband but if they’ve always been rude and crazy, what did you expect?? 

While I understand your admiration of your husband being calm, I don’t think that was the best idea. Your husband should had put a stop to this a long time ago! And if they didnt stop, well they simply wouldn’t be invited. I don’t think that’s aggressive or unhealthy. I honestly don’t know how this will ever resolve itself now that they ran your wedding, ruined the relationship, and caused much more damage than they realize. But again, this should had been settled a long time ago. Though being a nice guy is awesome, when it comes to the woman you love (as long as she’s sane herself!), a man should defend and stand up for her. It doesn’t mean he has to be a nut but definitely speak up and mean it. I’m sorry this happened. 

I just can’t get over how you were getting her sandwiches on YOUR wedding day after she was clearly being a bitch. You both, your husband and you, need a back bone. 

Post # 36
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
tagerosan:  My Fiance can dance and run and play sports and do everything that “normal” people do. Invisible disabilities are rampant. I’m not soapboxing, but it’s often more complicated than just being “able bodied”

Post # 37
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry, OP. I don’t really have advice, but I do have a story. My grandmother’s and grandfather’s wedding was “interrupted” by his mother in the middle of the ceremony. Keep in mind this was 1946 and we are talking old school, hardcore Italian Catholics. His mother didn’t like the fact that my grandmother wasn’t Catholic, and she stood up in the middle of their ceremony wailing that they weren’t married in the sight of God or the church and that she would bless them herself and proceeded to throw holy water. In the end, my grandparents were happily married for 60 years until my grandmother passed away. Sometimes going on and living a good life together is the best way to get past all of that. Oh, and some serious boundaries. Nana laid down some fairly heavy ones after that. 

Post # 38
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee

I read a story on here once, I think OP’s husband was a plumber, and a he was called in because a sewage pipe had busted during one couple’s reception. And the reception was in the basement of the building. So everyone was covered in sewage. So… at least that didn’t happen

Post # 39
Member
9 posts
Newbee

This sounds a lot like my situation. Except for the fact that my In Laws live less than 5 minutes away and we see them OFTEN. I still have resentment and built up anger towards my Mother-In-Law even 3 months after the wedding.

Yes, your Fiance could have stuck up for you more but I understand how hard that can be. His family sounds selfish and hardheaded and wouldn’t have listened to him anyways.

As for people saying there was a lack of communication, yes there was, but it sounds like a majority of it was her fault. She didn’t want to listen to you, even though you made it clear what you wanted. She saw it her way and her way alone.

You handled your wedding day a lot better than most would have, especially since you paid for basically the whole thing. You could have gone full on bridezilla, but you remained calm. Which is probably why it hurt so much because you were holding it in.

Try to embrace your marriage, shake off the rude comments, and love life with your husband!

Post # 40
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

No advice, just empathy bc I can relate, my Mother-In-Law is an asshole, too.  It first was obvious during my wedding planning.  She has done things since then as well.  Just live your life, if she wants the privilege and honor of being part of it then she needs to earn her way back in.  You did not act perfectly either but then again, sometimes when you have had it, you’ve had it!  I get mad at myself for not getting fed up sooner!

Post # 41
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m shaking my head.

I’m wondering if your “mother”-in-law has some attachment issues to her son. Sounds like she wants to be the center of attention (look at me, I paid for this and that; look at me, I planned this and that; I’m going to be running late and everything is on MY time).

She did NOT ruin your day but she DID make herself look ridiculous, as did the rest of her silly “entourage.” If you didn’t get to marry your husband because of all the bs, THEN your day would have been ruined. But you danced, you had a wonderful ceremony, you ate (I hope), and married the love of your life.

Was it stressful? Yes. Ridiculous? Yes. Outrageous, even? Yes. Ruined? No. Keep in mind this is on THEM, not YOU. Perhaps they ruined their part of the day, but things not starting on time and people being rude happens outside of weddings as well as in. You still got married, much to their disappointment, it sounds like (ha ha).

I wouldn’t make an effort towards them. I’d be civil when necessary because that’s the legacy I would want to leave behind. But I wouldn’t go out of my way to extend myself towards them any further. This will take a while to smooth out for you, personally. Steer clear of those who make you feel miserable and who are responsible while you work to put things in perspective.

But please…don’t think it was “ruined.” It just didn’t turn out as-planned, like if it rained on your outdoor ceremony. Except the rain was a tropical storm and consisted of ignorant in-laws. 🙂 My point is–you couldn’t control these things and these people so don’t let them and what they do control you, clouding your married days going forward.

So….MIL’s son is dead to her, huh? Does this go towards any granddchildren, as well? Just you wait. The ball will be in your court then. She wants things all her way. It won’t happen. The world doesn’t work as such.

Post # 42
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
babeba:  Agree with you.  Great point about having no issue with opening the bar for rehearsal dinner but cutting out his family on the actual wedding invitations once Save the Dates were sent… 

Post # 44
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I am so sorry for all the trouble you had 🙁 Cut these people out of your life and focus on your new life with your husband.  I am also all for counselling after traumatic events to help you work on coping mechanisms

Post # 45
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is a lot to deal with. I’m sorry your wedding was marred by these people. Like others have written, I think it’s important to focus on your relationship with your husband and work on the two of you bring a team so that this kind of behavior isn’t allowed to get to this point. Moving forward I think it’s your husband’s responsibility to deal with his family. Hopefully you can work on creating new, happy memories and move on from this. 

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