(Closed) Wedding day was perfect except…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Sorry your Mother-In-Law was emotional.

But honestly, she didn’t ruin your wedding. You and your husband still go married. At least everyone was in attendance that mattered.

There are always worse things that can happen.

Post # 4
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

I would be SOOOOOO mad!! She acted like a child! She might not know your side and how it affected you. She seems to be a bit selfish and probably only sees her version of it. I would definitely need to have a sit down talk with her, after a few weeks after I’ve calmed down. I would call her and tell her that you have some things that you need to get off your chest, and I would let her know my version of it, my perspective. I would not forget to tell her that she went around and told everyone her issues, so the guests knew too! Which kinda makes it worse! Because it took away from the day, as a guest’s perspective. And I know that nothing is going to come out of this, it’s not like you or her can turn back time. But at least she would be made aware of your feelings and how YOU were affected by it. Then I’d be able to move on from this.

 

I already have a feeling that some people are going to say to you, she didn’t ruin your wedding, you ruined it by getting so upset about someone else’s reactions. (I’ve seen it on other posts). Well, my answer to that is, those are the people who are much more cold hearted than me. I get upset when others are upset. I like to please. I am not one of those people that go, oh my Mother-In-Law is upset, I’m not gonna care because it’s my wedding. That just is NOT in my nature. Your feelings are valid and understandable. It would have ruined my time too.

 

I’m sorry bee that this happened to you. That really stinks.

Post # 5
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
reeves729 :  ugh….

That was very childish of her. Just try to focus on all the positives of the day and hopefully the memory of her pouting will fade over time. I’m sure it isnt the part that your guests are foscuing on ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 6
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Youre letting her effect you too much. Your Mother-In-Law was a bratty diva. Oh well. Why are you giving her so much power over how you enjoy and remember your wedding day? You cant control other people.

 I agree that you should confront her eventually about her behavior. Maybe an apology will help you move on.

Post # 7
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
reeves729 :  No one’s family is perfect. If you don’t think you have crazy in the family, chances are you’re it.

But seriously…it’s one day out of your whole life. Yes, an important day..but one day.

No one’s wedding is perfect. Everything went according to plan on my wedding day, actually perfect. Except my Dad passed away very unexpectedly 2 months prior. So trust me when I say that your emotional Mother-In-Law is really no big deal in the end.

When you look at wedding photos, focus on the positives of the day and not the negatives.

Post # 8
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
ohplease :  What good is a sit down talk going to do way after the fact? She’ll get defensive, there will be a fight and then things will be awkward.

I think it’s childish to stir up drama now. If she does something again, then by all means say something in that situation. Don’t wait weeks to speak up.

Post # 9
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

She sounds like a real drama queen. Sorry this happened, but don’t let it tarnish all your memories. Focus on the good things. Some people are just like that. They have to be the center of attention. I’d never be able to have my own mom at my wedding because she’d find a way to make it all about her!! 

Post # 10
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She sounds like a lotta drama. Prepare yourself for when/if you have children. 

Agree with pP that you have to decide not to give her this head space, it’s just hurting you and your marriage. But also you and your DH need to discuss boundaries and management of drama. 

Her family knows how she is, so if they hold this against your wedding, they’re part of the problem. In other words, don’t expect any help from them. 

 

Post # 11
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

I just know for me personally, I need time to collect my thoughts. If I confront someone immediately, I will get too heated, angry, things will not go smoothly. I always end up leaving things out that I want to say! I’m not a good confrontationalist (Is that a word?).  For someone else, maybe saying something immediately would would better. OP will know what works best for her in that situation.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

That was very immature of her, however, you can’t let it ruin your memory of the day. Focus on the positives – like the fact that you and your husband got married! No wedding day goes perfectly, and you’ll get nothing out of being upset about this.

I’d be pissed off too, but since you can’t change it I think it’s best to just let it go and be happy with the rest of the day! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

Same.  

The forgetting of the mother/son dance, the photography complaints.  This woman even managed to fall out of her chair during the middle of the ceremony and “get injured.”  This exact scenario happened with a close friend’s wedding. It was her only son, and I think passing her son off for another woman to care for and for him to love “best and most of all” was hard. You never know how you are going to react until you have kids, put your all into them, and then have to let them go.  She was normally a perfectly reasonable woman.  Both close sides of the family knew what was going on and noticed her drama (aunts/uncles/sisters, etc) but the friends and coworkers of the two families didn’t. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Less people know than you think and those that do either already “get it” or will within their lifetime.

I honestly forgot all about that until I read your post.  I think you guys should, too.  Eventually, when things settle down and she feels that she is still in your husband’s life, she’ll get over it.  I love that you said the rest of your wedding was perfect! That is what counts.

Post # 14
Member
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
reeves729 :  Don’t worry about it too much and focus on the positive. It wasn’t intentional and it sounds like that DJ did his best to make sure they still had their dance. It’s a big day for you both, and also your parents. Some people have a difficult time coming to terms with their children growing up. My Mother-In-Law was an emotional wreck at our wedding reception. 

a couple months ago my Brother-In-Law and his new wife purposely omitted the mother son dance at their wedding, and my Mother-In-Law sat in her seat crying quietly. It was so awkward for all of us because the bride danced with her father, and after everyone was looking around at Mother-In-Law wondering why they didn’t include her. She was so hurt because she wasn’t even aware they were omitting the dance. 

On the flip side, at another wedding we attending last week, the DJ called for the father daughter dance but the father walked home for a while to let the dogs out ๐Ÿ˜‚ They just did his dance a while later in the night. I don’t think I’ve ever attending a wedding where everything went perfectly, you just have to focus on the good! 

Post # 15
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
reeves729 :  She sounds like an idiot to be honest. She is one of those obsessed moms that thinks the wedding is about her and her glory. It is like ok lady you had you hay day this is not about you. I think you have a right to be upset and mad at her. However, I wouldn’t suggest talking to her about it. It does not seem like she is rational or normal. If anyone is to talk to her it would be your husband. I would avoid her as much as possible. If she brings it up again I would say hey the day went good and there are bound for a few things to go wrong.  

My Mother-In-Law had her own issues. She acted like we were going to play specific sounds to celebrate her lol Like her favorite song and she acted like there was going to be an announcement and a photo op or something about her song. We ended up putting her song on the play list and basically compromised. There was no photo op for HER song lol and honestly nobody payed attention to her during her song people joined in to dance and I think she was mad. ( this was in addtion to the mother/ son dance)

Oh well. It seemed like you tried to include her and she is crazy. I dont even get why the DJ would play the father/daughter mother/ son  songs back to back. They usually have a break of 2 songs in between. The DJ probably didnt even mess up. That is so weird that she made it about her.

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