Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
For the most part, the boy has been pretty easygoing during the wedding planning process. When it comes to things like colors, decor, etc., he doesn’t care at all. He’s even letting me decide what he should wear.
He wanted input, as he should, on the venue and food, but so far, we’ve been in total agreement on both of those things.
The biggest disagreement we’ve had is on music/dancing. The boy hates dancing, and I’m not really a fan either (unless I get super-drunk). Both of his older brothers had low-key outdoor weddings with no dancing, and they were still both really fun and festive, and he wanted to do the same thing. But my family likes to dance, and so do many of my girlfriends.
So we came to the agreement that there will be no announcement that people are supposed to dance (we’re not even having a DJ) but there will be dance music and an open space, so if people want to dance, they can.
The next thing on the agenda, which is going to be a doozy, is the music. I’ll have to write a whole separate post on that one.
How do you handle planning disagreements with your fiance?
Post # 3
Ha! Fiance has had his opinions about the wedding, but I don’t really mind because this is his wedding too and I feel he should be active in the planning.
Some things that come to mind are:
-Girly wedding colors. That eliminated pinks and purples which is a little sad, but I can see his point since I have never liked wedding that look like a pink explosion.
-I kind of wanted to do a lavendar toss after the ceremony and he said no to that.
-Did not want a candy buffet, but I am OK with that and not a big fan of them anyways.
-I think the biggest thing was that I wanted a small wedding (think 10 people and us on a beach in Hawaii) and he wanted the traditional wedding. He won, but that was also partially because all parents were pushing for the bigger wedding and my sister can’t travel to a destination wedding.
Nothing else I can think of right now. We generally agree on the look and feel of our wedding. He has allowed me to be creative in my own way so I appreciate that.
Post # 4
We disagree some, but then end up coming to a compromise. We agreed on venue and food, we agreed on DJ, we agreed on colors. Our biggest disagreement is that I am always trying to think of unqiue/special ways to do stuff, and he’s more fine with traditional choices.
Post # 5
The budget lol! The problem is that he and his family wanted a NICE, BIG wedding without the pricetag, so I asked him where he was planning to find high quality food and services for a 250 person wedding for free. He saw my point, so we cut the guest list down to only close family and friends and set the budget half way between what I initially thought it should be and how much he initially thought it should be. He also nixed light pink and navy as potential colors, but I am happy with the apple green/black/white that we ended up with.
Post # 6
I pretty much make all the decisions and this is the way my fiance likes it. The less he has to decide on the better for him and it makes it easier on me. The only things that he wanted was to get married in a church and to have his 6 best friends in the wedding. Other than that I just inform him of whats going on.
Post # 7
purlerr.. similar to mine.
I wanted a wedding for about 80 people.. he wanted more the merrier and so did my mother. I conceded and said 150 people.
Then we disagreed about the budget. I worked out that 12,000 was reasonable for us to save up over 13 months. He argued. I showed him my neatly done up budget with an average cost for the usual cost and my budget. I then took him to my cousins wedding..that was a $60,000 dollar wedding. He then turned and said, we are doing really well and that I was good at budgeting.
Unless I show him… he is a bit iffy on things, I have to do a trial for everything. Centrepieces, invitations, pomanders…. but if i get the tick of approval he will actually hop in and help if I give him step by step directions.
Its kind of he wants to be involved but not really… wants to have a say, but not do the work. Sometimes I win, sometimes we both loose and have to find a compromise.
it probably sounds a bit tug of war really but its not… we work it out 🙂
Post # 8
I think the only big thing is that he doesn’t want to cut the cake really because he’s afraid he’ll get sick to his stomach with everyone watching. And he doesn’t want me to feed him cake at all which kinda bugs me because I really want to do that.
Post # 9
YES! Yes, there are things that we disagree on, in wedding planning and in life.
His default solution is to more or less take every disagreement to the debate table, or to give up and grumble about it. But he’s learning that there are better solutions. 🙂
Me, I like to look at it like this: If it’s something I feel very, very strongly about, I’ll take it to the debate table. But if I can see that it’s something that’s more important to him than to me, then I’ll agree to go along with his choice.
Life’s just easier when I pick my battles.
Post # 10
I’ve been amazed at how much we’ve agreed on the wedding planning. Now, much of this is because he has never been to a Canadian wedding and thus doesn’t have preconceived ideas of what the Canadian wedding should be. Also, we have very few choices in the Korean wedding, so we can’t really disagree on anything there.
The only real thing we’ve had to debate over is the travel plans for family members – but that’s more of an organizational nightmare than personal disagreements.
Post # 11
We’re diagreeing on the tuxs for the guys, I hate it!!!! I told him I don’t like it and he told me that I’m making the decision of 95% of the wedding, let him have his!! Ughhhhh!!
Post # 12
we disagree on writing our own vows. . he doesn’t want to but I think it is soo much nicer than to repeat after the minister. But pretty sure he will do it cause it means a lot to me.
Post # 13
@danadelphia: my Fiance totally doesn’t dance either! He’s really uncomfortable around it but I love to dance and so does just about everyone else coming to the wedding.
I threw a bunch of ideas out there as dance alternatives. He really liked my idea of setting up kind of a casino feel with poker, blackjack, roulette tables, etc. but that has turned out to be quite out of our tiny budget. So I suggested something of an outdoor picnic with games like volleyball, bocci, horseshoes, etc. like the really cute ones on once wed or style me pretty but he’s stuck on the idea of a “traditional” wedding in a grand ballroom or something like that. I really can’t seem to get him away from that but it’s totally not realistic with our budget and guest count and lack of dancing desire. And I keep trying to throw in special, different, “us” details but again, he is hung up on what you are “supposed” to do for a wedding. Like a wedding cake — he wants a huge, elaborate, delicious wedding cake. I think it is WAY out of budget and we should get a small one and serve a sheet cake to guests.
Actually now that I write it all out, it’s not really him fighting me, but rather him fighting our budget. I would love to give him everything and wouldn’t care but I know how much everything realistically costs and he’s not willing to budge on big things like venue in order to afford other things like a huge cake.
Post # 14
The biggest disagreement we are having is over whether or not to invite a guest. She was a friend of mine during law school, and, although she definitely has her faults, she was a good friend to me. Unfortunately, she and my Fiance had a falling out when we were all studying for the bar exam. It wasn’t really a big deal, but tensions were high (understandably), and my Fiance still hasn’t gotten over it. It was nearly 2 years ago. He said that he doesn’t want to deal with her there and that he is afraid she will make a scene. I keep telling him that he probably won’t even interact with her at all and that she won’t do anything inappropriate. If I don’t invite her, there will be huge drama, and I really don’t want to deal with that. Also, I think it would be nice if she were there. I am trying to bargain with him for an invitation for her…so frustrating!
Post # 15
Fiance and I actually don’t seem to have any disagreement over the wedding. He doesn’t really seem to have much of an opinion, but provides moral support and shows up to every appointment. I even picked out his tux and he didn’t say anything. I guess it’s because my parents are paying for most of the wedding so we aren’t arguing much over what we should and shouldn’t have. Our biggest disagreements have been in regards to his family, but luckily early on in the engagement he really saw how they treat me and stood up for me.