Wedding dilemma

posted 6 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

I’m with your fiance. What exactly is the rush? If you’re in that much of a rush to get married theres always the courthouse. If what your in a rush for is this vineyard wedding then it can wait. There might never be a perfect time but there will be a better time when your fiance feels more financially stable and secure. He’s not postponing with a vague date in mind, its one year later. Your plan is…not wise.

Post # 3
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

With your fiancé, I wouldn’t want to plan a wedding/ get married while finishing school/unemployed/job hunting. It sounds like he’s being pretty level headed, summer 2020 isn’t THAT far away.

theres never a perfect time but those things are not just minor details or issues, I wouldn’t even want to go into a marriage without having them figured out first.

i know you’re excited, but I would bet you’d have a lot less stress if you waited till a few things fell into place.

nurse92 :  

Post # 4
762 posts
Busy bee

Yeah I think your fiancé is being pretty reasonable Bee. Like PPs said, he’s wanting to wait for legit and understandable reasons..

Theres never a perfect time – but there’s a better time.

I always wanted a Christmas wedding – had it all planned out in my head. We’re getting married in May.. because it just made more sense for all. 

Post # 5
4704 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I started a new job a week before my wedding… It’s doable but it’s stressful. In fact I ended up taking a month off between jobs so I could manage it. We booked our venue at the end of December 2017 for September 2018. Our venue books more weddings in January (after Xmas and NYE engagements) than at any other time. And it was the last date in the high season and the time of year we wanted.

You do both need to be on the same page. The benefit of 2020 is that you can take your time a bit. But I’d still start looking now!

Post # 6
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We had a two year engagement and it flew by! I know summer 2020 sounds ages away, but you’ll probably find a lot of the best venues will already be booked up for this year. And the best photographers, bands etc. Two years meant we didn’t have to rush any decisions and I got to really enjoy planning the day, take breaks for birthdays and Christmas etc.

Ultimately, the two of you have to agree on a date. He’s given a very sensible reason as to why 2020 and why he wants to start married life on a good foot. Do you have a sensible reason for 2019 or just because that’s what you want?

Post # 7
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Personally we’re in the middle of building a house and we’re getting married in June lol. So I think it’s reasonable but I would’ve delayed things if my fiancé was stressed out about it

agree wirh PP though planning a wedding 9 months out unfortunately gives you limited vendor selection 

Post # 8
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I agree with your fiancé. 

Post # 9
64 posts
Worker bee

I understand where you’re coming from. We have a timeframe in mind for our wedding (not booked yet) and I would be upset if it got pushed a full year later. That said, the two of you really need to be on the same page. What about a compromise like December 2019 or early Spring 2020?

Post # 10
330 posts
Helper bee

Why dont you have a small intimate wedding this summer with immediate family or even a courthouse wedding and then plan a big wedding in 2020? A friend of mine was in a very similar situation and did that. That way you get married but the stress that comes with planning a big wedding can wait.

Post # 11
2635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

To be honest you might be too late to have a vineyard Sept 2019 wedding if you want a Saturday, in my area from what I’ve heard everything for that month seemed to be pretty booked up even before the holidays. Have you inquired about availability of your preferred venues/vendors yet?

I agree with your FH and would start planning the Sept 2020 wedding of your dreams, without having to scramble to quickly book less desirable vendors.

Post # 12
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

My soon to be fiance and I initially discused marriage in late summer/fall 2019. We looked at venues and started making some plans and he kind of panicked at how much it would cost. He said we should wait a few months until he had saved for the ring and then discuss. I let it go because we hadnt been dating super long so no big deal at that point.

I spent the next few months saving money. I ended up saving about half of what we would want to spend for the wedding (small/simple wedding). By this time he had also finished saving for the ring. The ring has now been ordered and he’s happy to talk about a wedding this year. We are back to planning for this late summer/early fall. I think the financial stress was what worried him. He just needed to know we could swing it financially without totally stressing ourselves out. I knew we could save enough, but he needed to see it to feel secure (we split bills but havent combined finances 100% yet).

I think guys worry a lot about the money side of it, while we worry a lot about the timelines. I remember saying a few months ago “but if we want to do it this year we have to plan now”. While he understood that, he just couldnt take a step forward without knowing the money was there (and I respect that about him!)

Is it possible for you to start saving money to show its possible this year? If its not possible for you to do that then i think you fiances desire to wait probably has some merit. At the end of the day, none of this is about the wedding. Its about spending your life with the man you love. So if this year wont work, keep it in perspective. Whether you have a beautiful wedding in 2019, or 2020, it will be an amazing day you will forever cherish.

Post # 13
4873 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You say you don’t want to plan the wedding from a different state but doesn’t that mean if you got married this year you would live in different states as a married couple?

I wouldn’t want to live separately to my husband after the wedding.

Your fiancé does seem reasonable and I think it’s fair to take his thoughts on board with this. You can alway book a date soon but leave everything else until he graduates. 2020 really isn’t that far away!

nurse92 :  

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