(Closed) Wedding dilemma. My mother thinks I am too young to be getting married.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee

Gross generality- A career oriented woman of 23 MAY be OK marrying a well cooked man of 28!

Much better odds than marrying a man of 23. 

At least, that has DEFINITELY been my experience as a mom of MEN!!!!!

Post # 17
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - North NJ

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Without knowing you, I still agree a bit with your mother. 

 

I started dating my fiance at 18. We will be together for 8 years by the time of our marriage this year. Although I knew I wanted to marry him for the last 6 years, I AM SO GLAD we waited. Nothign changed in our relationship (love grew stronger), but just being a young adult was such a blessing. Depends on your location, but in the big city where I am from, people get married later. I’d act differently if married (maybe would have gone out dancing less with my girlfriends, etc, because the truth is, if you are commited to someone, you have different responsibilities). 

 

Also, everything I knew about myself changed from 22 to 26. Nothing for the worse, but the amount of maturity and perspective is vastly different (and I was always the super mature 22 year old – rarely partied or anything). I am so glad to be getting married now rather than earlier. 

 

That being said, my brother got married at 22 and is happy. Although, we all (family included) believe he should have waited another year or two. 

Post # 18
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I understand we’re you’re coming from. I began dating my fiance when I was fourteen and got engaged at 18. Currently, I’m 20 and will have just turned 22 when we get married. When we first got engaged, relatives on my fathers side of the family were very negative about it. It didn’t matter that we’d been together 4 years or that they all said I had the mental age of a 30-year old. They claimed I was too young to be engaged. Luckily, my parents support my decesion (though they are happy tyhat I’ve decided to get my Bachelor’s degree before marrying). I know I would have been hurt if my mom didn’t support my decision and claimed I was too immature, and I would have tried to sway her as well. I think its only natural that a person wants their parents to support their marriage. Like other bees have said, show your maturity in actions. That will be what helps your mom see you as a mature adult. And if she can’t look past your age, just accept it and move on with the goal of showing that this decision is right for you.

Post # 19
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

Shivani: To be honest, I agree with your mom. You’re young and not settled into a career yet. I don’t regret marrying my husband,  but I do wish I’d established my career first.  Now I’m locationally bound and finding work in my field, in the area is difficult. I do regret that. 

Post # 20
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’m inclined to agree with your mother. I think you probably are mature enough for marriage, but if you’re 22 and unemployed then you should not be planning a wedding. Get settled first and then think about it. You’re in no hurry, and I think you’re wrong when you say getting married won’t halt your career. They’re both very stressful. Get settled first.

Post # 21
Member
4073 posts
Honey bee

Shivani:  I’m just speaking from personal experience here. 

I got married when I was 19. By age 20 (14 months after getting married), I was separated. 

For me personally, although I’ve always been told that I’m “mature for my age,” I realize as I get older how much you change in your teen years and twenties. I’m 25 now. I am vastly different from the person I was when I was 19, and even quite different from the person I was at 22. You’re learning so much about yourself and about life now. That’s not to say that all people who get married young don’t last. In fact, one of my closest friends got married at age 19 and has been married 11 years next month. 

I think your mom’s concern is that there are still so many things you haven’t experienced yet in life. As a mother myself, I understand where she is coming from. However, if my daughter did decide she wanted to get married at age 22, I would voice my concerns, but ultimately I would support her in whatever decision she made. 

If you feel that you’re ready for marriage, go for it. But do understand that you still have a lot of growing and learning to do. You won’t be the same person in 3 years. You’ll likely be worlds different in 6 years. I sincerely hope that you and your Fiance stick together through all of those changes. I wish you nothing but the best!

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