(Closed) Wedding Disasters! Need Help to Get Over It!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think some of these things are really small issues that you are letting. Get to you because of the family stuff. I think it would be good for you to spend some time writing down all the positive memories you can muster. I think if you did you would realize you have more happy moments than bad! 

Post # 17
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I just cannot get past this part: “10. At the rehersal dinner I gave everyone itineraries and lists of job duties….no one read them! So wedding day no one knew what to do!”

Don’t give your guests jobs.

Aside from that, some of the things that happened were just little things that happen that you need to roll with, laugh with, and should in no way be considered a “disaster” (like a bustle breaking). Some of them were the result it seems of very high expectations. No one else has to help plan your wedding but you and your Fiance. No one else has to do “jobs” at your wedding but those you hire or who volunteer. And if they are? You can’t expect them to be the quality of hired service. Some of them like ordering the wrong dress so many times, eh, it worked out right? I would have gone somewhere else after the second but you chose to stick with it and so I am not sure why complain about that choice now?

Why not focus now on all that went right? You cannot change the past. Like I assume you married the man you wanted to marry, that it was a celebration of starting a life together. Why not focus on THAT?

YOU definitely need to let the proposal not being “perfect as planned” in the past too, yikes.

Post # 18
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

I think people over-use the word ‘disaster’ to the point where it’s true meaning is lost. Your wedding was by no means a disaster, though I do feel for you being embarrassed by your mom’s behaviour in front of your new in-laws. If this is out of character for her (sounds like she dropped the ball on the rehearsal eve too), have a talk with her. If this is typical of her, it sounds like your mom has a drinking problem and that’s an entirely separate problem that needs addressing. 

As for the proposal, if your husband still feels badly about it, I’m willing to bet this is something you haven’t been able to let go & have guilted him over not giving you the youtube-worthy proposal of your dreams. You need to get past this, you’re maried for heaven’s sakes. How can it not be special that the man you love asked to marry you? Can’t you see his nervousness as sweet- or at least understandable- rather than feel cheated out of something?

Never heard of auctioning the garter belt??

I can’t stress this next one enough: Brides should NOT be giving their wedding party & guests itineraries & to do lists, stop treating them like hired help. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read on the Wedding Bee, brides who’ve left too much until the last minute and expect the day or two before the wedding to be Wedding Boot Camp, with the wedding party &/ or relatives working like dogs to get everything done – and also curious why more duties didn’t fall to the groom in the planning stages. 

It’s annoying and inconsiderate when people fail to RSVP, but if you had such a huge number who didn’t reply, you should have followed up at least a few weeks beforehand, not been surprised at the venue. I know hindsight is everything, yada yada yada, but this could have been avoided. 

Most of this is simply stuff you should let go- focus on the good points of the wedding and enjoy your new life with your new husband

Post # 19
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeah, I would hardly call these “disasters”.  Your expectations are ridiculous.  You were treating your family and friends like crap, expecting them to work for you and expecting your parents to pay for the wedding you wanted as opposed to the wedding you could afford.  Frankly I can’t have any sympathy for you.  I mean sure some of these things stink…but at the end of the day you got married.  That’s a success.  Plus this does NOT matter in the long run at all.

Post # 20
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The venue going out of business is awful and a real issue. Everything else was something that appropriate expectations (i.e. only expecting to spend your own time and money) would have cured. 

Post # 21
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
loz24 :  This is literally everything I thought but couldn’t be bothered typing out. Kudos

Post # 22
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Holy first world problems Batman.

Note to future brides: This is why you don’t ever try to get free labor, not only is it messed up to use your family and friends, you’ll probably end up disappointed in their work anyway. Also an unorganized wedding leads to disappointment, every time.

To Bride: It’s ok to be upset for a little bit but just remember you are now married to your best friend, no one died or went to the hospital at your wedding (I’ve heard of stories where this happened), a wedding is not supposed to be the best day of your life, don’t do that to yourself, why would you want things to go downhill after? It’s one of many good days. Don’t linger on the wedding, and get off of wedding boards (Like this one, looking at other people’s plans will just make you linger more, not good), find new interests. Most of the things you listed are things I doubt anyone noticed. Watch your video and you’ll see it wasn’t that bad outside your head! A lot of things listed failed due to bad planning, and they weren’t even disasters, but that’s a lesson to take in the future (I don’t know for what). Stop relying on other people, if you want to get things done in the future, do it yourself. The venue thing is unfortunate though.

Anyway, you’ll get through it. Soon enough you’ll see that all this sadness was overblown, because you’ll have new good days, and new memories. 

Post # 23
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Get thine butt to counseling Bee!

I don’t ever recommend counseling lightly but in your case it’s pretty clear you have a big problem with managing your expectations and appreciating reality as it comes/is. Counseling could help you ease up on the perfectionist tendencies that rob you of enjoying what you DO have.

With a list like yours I don’t see how you’d ever think back on your wedding day and smile so…time to stop creating these 20+ point lists of unhappiness Bee.

Post # 24
Member
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
MrsKing212 :  ugh, genuinely didn’t think it would be that long when I started typing. Otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered, especially as I’ve been here long enough to know the poster wouldn’t respond.

Oh well, it killed a bit of time, which is essentially the main reason I come to the Bee.

Post # 25
Member
10393 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
loz24 :  

Yeah,  doubt she’ll come back. I mean

  • talk  about  not being able to sort out what’s  important and what isn’t!  
  •  still  going  on about a less than perfect proposal  
  • being a perfect object lesson for not giving guests jobs
  • spending early married days compiling huge lists of complaints

And so on and so forth..

ETA, just went back and read more carefully . Vomiting and chronically late mum WAS a problem ! 

Post # 27
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

wedding insurance people!!! that’s what you need to protect yourself if venues go bust. 

Everything else people have already covered. Focus on the positives bee 

Post # 28
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m sorry your day didn’t go as planned.  Honestly, if those things happened to me, I’d be upset for a while.  But you know, everytime something goes wrong for me I just thing “when I’m done with this it’s goingto make a GREAT story”.  Just think, 30 years from now, you and your husband drinking wine in front of the fire, giggling about how awful your wedding was as you daughter gets engaged. 

Perfect is boring, it washes away, it has no hook.  My oldest brothers wedding is one my entire family thinks was the best.  I was the one who got too drunk during my speach, and I called myself a brother instead of sister, the photographer shot in jpeg instead of raw (keep in mind my mother is a photographer).  There was puke all over the women’s bathroom for some reason, and one of the ushers got so drunk his father had to help him got to the bathroom.  20 relatives didn’t show up to a 120 person wedding.  Our pastor messed up in the middle.  The ring bearer threw a tantrum walking down the aisle.  The rehersal was messed up because my SIL’s aunt became a primadonna and wouldn’t let my SIL do the run through, but instead stood in for her.  AND YET, everyone talks as the best wedding ng in our family so far, and there have been 5.

One wedding in my family was nearly perfect. They had proffessional polish dancers, a photobooth, highland dancing, signature cocktails, gorgeous food, and all set in a beautiful botanical garden and everything went well.  But you know what everyone remembers and talks about from THAT wedding?  How my grandfather wouldn’t listen to the photographers during the ceremony so he could get pictures on his truly awful digital camera.  It’s what goes wrong that is fun to remember.  Once you get over it, just laugh about it.  It’s the best way to turn a negative into a positive.

Post # 29
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee

The best advice I got on my wedding day was “All that matters is you and you’re husband, shit happens.”

You seem kinda….um…..nit picky? I get certain things bugging you….but others are a bit much. You are married no? Then…whats the issue?

First off, your complaining about your proposal? Maybe go to the engagement section of the Bee and see other PP’s waiting for one and would be happy with just a ring….

I think you’re expectations of you’re wedding were way too high. Things are bound to go wrong nothing go’s smoothly.

Post # 30
Member
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
loz24 :  Wow. Perfect.

OP, you did have some major challenges but as I read your list it just went on and on and on, and the legitimate complaints you had got drowned out by all the nit-picky stuff. I felt exhausted just reading it. If you literally can’t let go of all this, start with letting the small stuff go and work up to the big stuff. Why are you still obsessing about admin errors that got resolved? Or the DJ making a noise? Or your husband being a bit awkward during the proposal? These are very basic, simple issues similar to what we face every day. Reality doesn’t stop just because it’s your wedding day. You need to look forwards and think about your marriage now.

Post # 31
Member
15 posts
Newbee

So were you ever able to get over it and if so how? I was married in June ’17 and I’m not going to get into the details but the whole ordeal was very aggravating and I’m still very angry at his side of the family and in one instance him. I am trying very hard to process and move on but the whole ordeal and the year of planning left me feeling very isolated and alone and let down. I was just wondering if you found a way to get over your aggravation because I really need to deal with this and move on and get passed the feelings of humiliation and anger. 

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