(Closed) Wedding Donations Instead of Registry

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 16
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
bellanurse26:  Do you have any money for a wedding? Do you live in an area that is expensive? What type of wedding were you thinking of having? Are there ways you can save? Cash bar? preowed wedding dress? DIY flowers?

And I’m sorry but I dont agree with the philosphy if you cant pay for a wedding then elope. People can’t afford to have kids, but they still have them, as they suck off the goverment’s teat.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 17
Member
10559 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I would also like to add from a real life point of view I know someone who is doing what you are proposing and it hasn’t worked out well. People have been quick to say “Oh I will handle XYZ!” and then when it comes time to do it, nada. Which is really stressing the couple out in an already stressful time as they are depending on these folks to come through or they literally may not have important things like someone to marry them.

Post # 18
Member
47439 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The wedding reception is your thank-you to your guests for attending your marriage. I don’t know in what world it is considered polite to ask your guests to pay for an invitation that you extend, but it sure isn’t where I live.

As pp have said, knowing your situation, your guests will likely give you cash, especially if you don’t have a registry.

I caution you though not to count on the cash you “might” receive. Host the wedding you can afford, whether that is punch and cake following an early afternoon ceremony, a backyard BBQ, or a full on plated dinner and dancing reception.

 

Post # 19
Member
2842 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Wow! These commenters are rude! 

There are ways to disagree with someone’s idea without completely shutting them down. Instead of freaking out, why not actually suggest an alternative? 

View original reply
bellanurse26:  Instead of asking for dontations, I would just not register for gifts. The cash received through guests as wedding gifts will more than likely cover several aspects of your wedding. As long as you are planning within your means, it should not be a problem to receive the money after rather than before. I know every bride is on some type of budget but there are ways to drastically cut back on costs. We have decided to self cater and forgo wedding planners / coordinaters so that could always be an option. If you are worried about costs you could always request that guests bring a covered dish instead of a gift (yummy homemade food is always a good idea) or have a simple cake and beverage reception rather than a full meal service.  You could also have a close friend get their ordained ministry certification and officiate your ceremony. If you are going so far as to ask for donations, maybe hit up goodwill and other second hand stores for decor (I’m having a pretty fun time with that myself 😊). Good luck bee, but be reasonable! 

Post # 20
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

This is tacky as all hell. Have the wedding you can afford and if people gift you enough cash to cover those expenses, count yourself lucky. Having a Kickstarter for your wedding is just gross.

Post # 21
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

OP, my first thought is just don’t make a registry and cash gifts will probably happen for you. 

I don’t actually want to make a registry at all, but my mother is insisting because she’s afraid I’ll end up with 7 toasters. I’m from the south and (in my experience, not a hard and fast rule) people in the south give gifts, not money.

In my situation, I’ve noticed my family will give a bunch of crockpots before they’ll give cash. However, on my FIs side (from NE US) they do generous cash gifts only.  When when we attend weddings we always give cash in a card, and we are always thanked for this. My point is know your crowd. Are they cash givers? If so just don’t make a registry and you’ll get cash? Are they the 7 toaster crowd? Well, time to start a registry (or maybe a honeyfund if not tacky in your group) and know that you won’t get repaid for the wedding. 

In any event, don’t flat out mention you’d like to use the money to pay off your wedding. It doesn’t come off well and guests will feel like they are just financiers of your party. 

Post # 22
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

Oh my goodness! I’m wondering how real this is being a first post and all.

Post # 23
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ugh, please don’t do this.  Don’t ask people to donate to your wedding — it’s beyond rude.   Have a wedding you can afford.  All you need is the $30ish to get someone at the courthouse to marry you — everything else is just extra.

If you don’t have a registry, people will know you want cash. 

And honestly, if you did a kickstarter for your wedding (or anything like that), in my social circle, you’d become the butt of SO MANY jokes.  Seriously. 

Post # 24
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
JiminyCricket:  yes re kickstarter! Haha. I currently have a family member doing a gofundme for their house repairs to the tune of 10k. We all gave a hard eye roll (and not money) to this. 

Post # 25
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Just don’t register!

Post # 26
Member
13649 posts
Honey Beekeeper

“Registering” for money or the cost of your wedding is putting it too kindly. What it really is is glorified begging. Host what you can afford. 

Post # 27
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee

1.  Sell tickets to the ceremony.

2. Charge per drink.

3.Have a raffle/50-50.

Have the wait staff instructed to bill each guest indvidually for their choice of their dinner.

Post # 28
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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bellanurse26: definitely go to Kickstarter for this. They will totally approve such a campaign. What kind of incentives do you plan on giving your backers?

Post # 29
Member
4234 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
bellanurse26:  Your family and friends may be okay with this, but it’s not really acceptable to ask others to pay for your wedding (ahead of time) as their gift to you. A great rule of thumb that I followed was to “have the wedding that you can afford”. Even if friends and relatives say that they’ll help pay for X,Y, and Z, don’t count on that until the money’s in your hand. Come up with your budget and stick to it.

My husband and I were ready to elope, because I would have rather saved up a few thousand dollars for a nice destination elopement and honeymoon than try to piece together/DIY a big wedding on a tight budget. Plenty of Bees on here have come up with ways to DIY decor, invites, favors, etc. to save money and still have beautiful weddings, so maybe look into ways to cut your spending on here. Best of luck!   

Post # 30
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

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VictorianChick:  “And I’m sorry but I dont agree with the philosphy if you cant pay for a wedding then elope. People can’t afford to have kids, but they still have them, as they suck off the goverment’s teat.”

No comparison! Seriously?  I know a couple who lives very meagerly, pretty sure they eloped and are happy with their lives. No, kids, doubt they plan to, but they can afford their lives. Just because they couldn’t afford a big party doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have gotten married.  Having an elopement is not like living off the government with kids you decided to have. They just choose to spend THEIR money otherwise.

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