Post # 1
We have been engaged for almost 2 years. Our original plans in venue was offered by my Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law to have it in their backyard, they also offered to cover the costs of all rentals and catering. We created and sent Save the Dates to the original guest list of about 120.
The problem is that about 2 months ago his parents backed out of their commitment of the yard, rentals and catering. THis left us scrambling for a venue that not only had our date available but that was resonably priced. His parents have not contributed ANYTHING towards the wedding. This has left us with having to majorly downsize the number of guest to no more than 50.
We are trying to do an A/B list of invites, but because the save the dates have been sent, i’m afraid there will not be enough declines to cover the B list. I have B listers who are excited to come to the wedding. I might add these are his out-of-town family members.
We have already cut costs by having a morning ceremony and a lunch/brunch reception, we are having a friend who is a DJ cover the wedding at minimal cost and are getting our flowers wholesale. THe brunch is a buffet with a very low per-person cost, but not low enough to be able to invite the entire 120 person guest list.
I am at a loss on how to handle this situation.
Post # 3
Firstly – I am so sorry this has happened
Second – why did they back out? Was it because they could not afford it? Or did they just not want to do it?.. I would be asking them to contact their side of the family at least to explain the situation. You can contact yours, but they need to take some responsibility for it (even if it happened for reasons out of their control).
I say contact people who cant come to the wedding and explain the situation, most people should be understanding and sympathetic. There may be some who are unhappy, but its better than them checking their mailbox for an invite that wont come. I would then try and have a family gathering for all the people who couldnt come (ask people to bring plates if you have to) just so they can still have a chance to celebrate with you.
Post # 4
@Bears-bub: yes, they said they cannot afford it, at that they “May” beable to help out with $500-$600 IF (and big IF) they get their tax return in time.
Post # 5
I am sorry that this happened. But I think this is yet another example of why Save-The-Date Cards are not all that great of an idea.
Is it possible to cut the very reasonably priced DJ and use an Ipod? That should give you more money for guests. Or you may have to have a cake and punch reception. It will be cheaper then a brunch per person.
Or the other option would be to cancel THIS event and then issue new invites (skip the STDs) for a completely new event on a different day. You would of course have to cancel the other event formally.
Post # 6
Yeah – is there anyway you can change the date, maybe move it to the Friday or Sunday to get even better deals and as the PP poster said cut out the DJ?
In the invites then just put in a note saying that the date was rescheduled to accomodate unforseen circumstances but you still want everyone to share in your day? Something like that?
Post # 7
That sucks though, and yes, I’d have his parents contact that side…
Post # 8
His family can deal with his family and telling them it got changed.
That said, I’d cancel this one altogether and just plan a new day. Maybe move it back a year? That would give you a year to save for a larger venue, find something cheaper that isn’t booked yet, and maybe you could just change the dates for the vendors you’ve already booked?
Post # 9
I personally don’t think it’s reasonable to send out STD and then cancel on those people. I think the above two suggestions are great – cancel the whole thing and reschedule to a later date when you can save more money.
Post # 10
@sweetangel8213: The same thing happened to me (in a way). We had already sent out save the dates to 100 ppl. We had to cut the guest list down to 60. It was hard but I wrote a letter to everyone explaining our situation and that we had to dramatically reduce our numbers.
Then its 2 months till our wedding day and I looked at our costs. I realised I was spending $400 on decorations yet I wasnt inviting a group of 5 of my very very good friends (10 with partners). So i called my decoration place, cancelled the decorations and called them all to say please come!
In the end if you want the ppl there sometimes you can make it work. Could you ask for $10 a head? I know it wouldnt bother me in the slightest paying $10 if it meant I could come to a friends wedding knowing her circumstances.