Post # 1
Just coming here to rant.
My grandmother is refusing to come to my wedding because we aren’t inviting my aunt (her daughter). My fiance and I made the decision not to include my aunt because my dad hates her (she’s his sister) and he said that he wouldn’t come to our wedding if we invited her. My aunt and I are not close so I do not mind not inviting her but I love my dad and I want him at my wedding.
Some family background: my aunt lives in my grandmother’s basement with my cousin. Both of them have a history of heroin use and have put my grandmother through literal hell. My cousin has stolen expensive jewelery from her to pawn off for drug money as well as my grandfather’s car. My dad’s sister gave my grandfather (who’s passed away) hepititus. My dad hates what his sister and his niece put my grandparents through and I completely get why he doesn’t want to be around either of them.
In order for my grandmother to come to my wedding my dad would have to drive from New Jersey (where he lives) to New York (where she lives) to pick her up and then drive to Pennsylvania where the wedding venue is. He is willing to do this for his mom since she can’t drive. His sister does not drive either so if she were to come he’d have to drive both of them.
My grandmother was so excited to be invited to the wedding so when my dad told her that the invitation was only for her she flipped out. Now my dad feels bad and asked if we should extend the invite to his sister. I said, “this is what you wanted, if you had to be around your sister for that long you’d be miserable”. I’m worried if I open up the invitation to my aunt it will snow ball into my grandmother inviting more people (meaning my cousin and random extended family members).
My mom also told me that the reason why her and my dad never had an actual wedding reception was because my grandmother kept wanting to invite all these distant relatives that neither of them had met so my mom was like, “nope we’re going to the court house to get married screw that”.
I feel bad for my grandmother but I get that she still loves her daughter dispute everything. Weddings bring out so much drama.
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
“The invitation is for one. RSVP date is XX/XX.” IMO, anyone who’s willing to not go to your wedding because someone else is/is not invited is on some bullshit. Good luck, Bee.
Post # 3
Ugh wow, I would stand your ground on this one given the history there. It’s unfortunate if she decides not to come but she shouldn’t be giving you ultimatums about your guest list for your wedding anyway.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
I am sorry bee. If your gramma doesn’t want to go because of drug addict Aunt isn’t invited well that’s on gramma. I am sorry for sounding so harsh but if gramma loves you she would put her feelings aside. This is your wedding and if your not comfortable or just don’t want her there then she needs to respect that. And yes you would open it up to now your cousin would have to be invited. And just remember your going to have envolopes full of money that are not going to be secured. If she can steal from her own mother don’t for one minuate she won’t think about taking some envolopes out of that box. And yes it does happen. Don’t make your dad feel uncomfortable on your wedding day. He want’s to see his baby girl happy. Let him enjoy this day as much as your going to enjoy it. But it’s your call. Me personally I don’t see how it’s worth it. Gramma needs to suck it up and go without addict one and addict two.
Post # 5
I agree with PP. I would stay firm. It’s unfortunate that your Grandmother will choose to miss your day… but that’s her choice. I just worry if you give in on this, it will just keep snowballing.
Post # 6
“I love you, grandma, and we’ll miss you at the wedding. If you change your mind, let us know by July 3.”
Post # 7
This is the consequence of enabling addicts. Grandma has made her choice. It isn’t your problem. Be firm and tell her what mimivac : said.
Post # 8
She will always be family.
I can understand if your Aunt caused a disturbance of some sort and youre afraid it would be repeated at your wedding, but that was not reflected in your statement.
Being addicted to drugs is a disease, its sucks, its not cool to be around it, I get it.
However, this is a wedding, not a birthday party. You will always be family. Your grandma will not always be around, it would be nice for her to leave the world knowing that her children love or at least are there for one another. She is asking for her daughter, your Dad’s sister, to be invited, not the extended family that she pushed on your parents to invite.
I travel for work frequently, car service from NJ to NY to PA is not that bad, perhaps that can be organized so your Dad is not so busy on your day.
Your dad said that he feels bad and wants you to invite her. If I was in your situation, I would.
Weddings are only drama if you allow them to be drama – focus on the facts and not the emotions, its hard, but it works.
Post # 9
We’re not talking about some shallow drama here, your aunt is an addict. That alone would be a no go for me and she wouldn’t get an invitation. I live by certain rules and while I can’t expect people to do the same, I can choose who I surround myself with. You grandmother should not be using your wedding as leverage either. If she really loves you, she will be able to put aside the drama between her kids and focus on YOU.
Post # 10
Hard no. Grandma tried to take over your mum and dad’s invitation list; don’t allow her to do the same for yours. She understands your invitation not being extended to her daughter; she is just tantrumming because she doesn’t like it.
Send her a nice array of photos after the wedding and tell her truthfully that you missed her. But don’t let her take over who is and is not invited to your wedding.
Post # 11
You have your reasons for not wanting your aunt at your wedding, and grandma has her reasons for chosing not to come. Can’t change either so you just have to move on.
Post # 12
Absolutely no way would I invite a heroin addict in active addiction to my wedding, especially one with a history of being a thief. I don’t think it matters if addiction is a disease or not. Measles is a disease and I wouldn’t want someone with measles at my wedding either. This person will present a danger to everyone else there. Grandma can sit this one out if she is going to bully you into putting all your guests and their belongings at risk. And maybe she will change her mind when she realizes you will not budge on this. Good luck.