Wedding drama: grandmother is refusing to attend wedding

posted 2 weeks ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

“The invitation is for one. RSVP date is XX/XX.” IMO, anyone who’s willing to not go to your wedding because someone else is/is not invited is on some bullshit. Good luck, Bee.

Post # 3
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

Ugh wow, I would stand your ground on this one given the history there. It’s unfortunate if she decides not to come but she shouldn’t be giving you ultimatums about your guest list for your wedding anyway.  

Post # 4
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I am sorry bee. If your gramma doesn’t want to go because of drug addict Aunt isn’t invited well that’s on gramma. I am sorry for sounding so harsh but if gramma loves you she would put her feelings aside. This is your wedding and if your not comfortable or just don’t want her there then she needs to respect that. And yes you would open it up to now your cousin would have to be invited. And just remember your going to have envolopes full of money that are not going to be secured. If she can steal from her own mother don’t for one minuate she won’t think about taking some envolopes out of that box. And yes it does happen. Don’t make your dad feel uncomfortable on your wedding day. He want’s to see his baby girl happy. Let him enjoy this day as much as your going to enjoy it. But it’s your call. Me personally I don’t see how it’s worth it. Gramma needs to suck it up and go without addict one and addict two.

Post # 5
Member
313 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP. I would stay firm. It’s unfortunate that your Grandmother will choose to miss your day… but that’s her choice. I just worry if you give in on this, it will just keep snowballing.

Post # 6
Member
2043 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“I love you, grandma, and we’ll miss you at the wedding. If you change your mind, let us know by July 3.”

Post # 7
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

This is the consequence of enabling addicts. Grandma has made her choice. It isn’t your problem. Be firm and tell her what  mimivac :  said. 

Post # 8
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

She will always be family. 

I can understand if your Aunt caused a disturbance of some sort and youre afraid it would be repeated at your wedding, but that was not reflected in your statement. 

Being addicted to drugs is a disease, its sucks, its not cool to be around it, I get it. 

However, this is a wedding, not a birthday party. You will always be family. Your grandma will not always be around, it would be nice for her to leave the world knowing that her children love or at least are there for one another. She is asking for her daughter, your Dad’s sister, to be invited, not the extended family that she pushed on your parents to invite. 

I travel for work frequently, car service from NJ to NY to PA is not that bad, perhaps that can be organized so your Dad is not so busy on your day.

Your dad said that he feels bad and wants you to invite her. If I was in your situation, I would. 

Weddings are only drama if you allow them to be drama – focus on the facts and not the emotions, its hard, but it works. 

Post # 9
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

We’re not talking about some shallow drama here, your aunt is an addict. That alone would be a no go for me and she wouldn’t get an invitation. I live by certain rules and while I can’t expect people to do the same, I can choose who I surround myself with. You grandmother should not be using your wedding as leverage either. If she really loves you, she will be able to put aside the drama between her kids and focus on YOU. 

Post # 10
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Hard no. Grandma tried to take over your mum and dad’s invitation list; don’t allow her to do the same for yours. She understands your invitation not being extended to her daughter; she is just tantrumming because she doesn’t like it.

Send her a nice array of photos after the wedding and tell her truthfully that you missed her. But don’t let her take over who is and is not invited to your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You have your reasons for not wanting your aunt at your wedding, and grandma has her reasons for chosing not to come. Can’t change either so you just have to move on.

 

Post # 12
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Absolutely no way would I invite a heroin addict in active addiction to my wedding, especially one with a history of being a thief.  I don’t think it matters if addiction is a disease or not.  Measles is a disease and I wouldn’t want someone with measles at my wedding either.  This person will present a danger to everyone else there.  Grandma can sit this one out if she is going to bully you into putting all your guests and their belongings at risk.  And maybe she will change her mind when she realizes you will not budge on this.  Good luck.

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