Post # 1
Today is my fourth anniversary. My marriage has gone wonderfully well – it just keeps getting better every day!
Every year I pull out my wedding pictures and I relive the wedding dress horror. This year the regret has become so unmanageable that I need some advice. Here is the story:
I went to a “couture bridal” salon in Pasadena for my wedding gown. The owner had fantastic reviews and a friend had used her with great success. I gave her the date of my wedding and we started designing. Time creeped on and my dress was not getting completed. We blew through the date when it was to be finished and she gave me a date to come and pick it up a week later. When I arrived, my dress was not even constructed. All the pieces that I had been trying on for months were lying there separate. It turns out the beaded straps that we had agreed upon had been sold out but I had to find out about this in a very roundabout way. She tried to convince me to use some very cheap looking beadwork that immediately made my skin break out into tashy patches! When I asked her about our original beadwork, she admitted that she had not ordered it in time.
She agreed to fix the problem and said to come back the next week which was three days before my wedding. This went on and on until the day before my wedding when she delivered a patched together version of my dress. The bra cups were huge and high. The formally beautiful jeweled straps were tacky and did not match the rest of the gown. Then I noticed a huge snag on the bodice. HUGE! I called her and I was surprised that she answered. She said she had just been focusing on the straps and she didn’t want to help because at this point she knew I had no choice but to wear this creation.
I missed my rehearsal dinner driving to her shop in Pasadena to get this fixed. She patched it together but that is what it looked like – patched together.
My dress was ridiculously terrible at my wedding and I paid $2500 for it. I can’t look at the pictures. The whole experience has traumatized me. I know this seems so silly but how does someone get over something like thi? It’s been four years and every anniversary I am plunged into the same feeling of panic and horror that I had on the day.
If you have any advice, I would love to hear it.
Post # 2
Have you considered making new memories? Maybe you could hold a renewal ceremony! You could buy a dress that does not need to be designed but only altered. Invite close family&friends, eat, drink, be merry and afterwards enjoy the new photos.
Post # 3
It’s been four years. Time to move on. You are the one torturing yourself each year by looking at the pictures. From the picture the dress doesn’t look that bad (it’s clearly not what you hoped for but still). Can you and your husband go on an anniversary trip next year for your 5th anniversary? You could always dress up and take new pics. I honestly rarely look at our wedding pictures, so being hung up on them is strange to me. Think about all the things that went right on your wedding day rather than focusing on the dress.
Post # 4
marina16 : 1. I’m sorry that happened to you.
2. Take it as a lesson learned. I personally would have been looking for another dress after the first mishap.
3. I mean this in the kindest way possible: get over it. It’s been 4 years. Continuing to be upset about it isn’t constructive. Positivity goes a long way.
4. Maybe have a vow renewal at 5 years and get the dress of your dreams.
ETA – happy anniversary!
Post # 5
It’s a dress. It’s been four years. You just need to get over it. Stop indulging yourself. When you feel “plunged into the same feeling of panic and horror”, remind yourself that it is just a dress, it happened four years ago, and it’s not healthy to over-react like this.
Post # 6
Folks, I don’t want to be rude or anything – but don’t you think if marina16 could just “get over it”, she would? I don’t think she WANTS to think all those unhappy thoughts.
Post # 7
woahthisjustgotreal2018 : I kind of think she does. Some people are addicted to unhappy thoughts, especially ones that can be blamed on others.
Post # 8
If you’re traumatized over a dress four years later then seek professional help.
Post # 9
You’ve got to get over it, girl. It’s been 4 years.
Post # 10
woahthisjustgotreal2018 : I hear you, and if she hasn’t been able to get past this in four years, I don’t think anything any of us can say will help her, either. At this point, professional help seems called for.
Post # 11
I actually went through something similar with my bridal gown. I too bought my dress at a high-end couture bridal shop and they made all of these promises to me that they could alter/fix any problems etc that I had buying this very intricate lace and satin gown. I remember their seamstress came out and made all these promises that all the concerns I had were naive and non-issues, and that by the time they were done it would look amazing and perfect. So yup, I shelled out the money and bought into their promises.
Long story short, my dress didn’t look anything like what I envisioned and what they promised me. ALL of the concerns I had were right and they weren’t able to fix or alter it. I too cringe at times when I see certain pictures of my dress. I’m not going to lie but I feel really sad when I see these beautiful bridal portraits of brides who just seem completely over the moon in their bridal gowns. Cause that’s exactly how I wanted to feel but didn’t and in certain pics my dress feels like a “frankenstein” dress full of patches to cover up the seamstress’ mistakes.
The best advice I can give you is to love and accept that your dress wasn’t perfect. This is your dress and it will always be special because it was yours on your big day. The silver lining I found in all of this is, because my dress wasn’t “perfect” it made me to focus on other things during the wedding and I actually had a great time really bonding with other people and my Darling Husband. To be honest, if my dress had been “perfect” I probably would’ve been more paranoid and focused on getting the perfect angle for pics to showcase it, and/or I would’ve been more conscious & protective of it throughout the night rather than the “f*ck it let’s have fun” attitude I had. Plus I have so many great pics where I look genuinely happy and in the moment, rather than a super poised look that looks fake/like I’m taking a damn selfie.
Post # 12
OMG get over it already. my hair was a poufy frizzy disaster on my wedding day thanks to 90% humidity and a hairdresser who brought no himidity-fighting stuff. my wedding was 8 MONTHS ago, and i’ve moved on. Let it go already.
Post # 13
Just do a vow renewal vacation at 5 years and get a new dress to take photos in.
Post # 14
marina16 : to be fair had you not told me all that I would have looked at the photo I would have just thought aww whst a lovely wedding day photo of the happy couple
I think there is nothing overly noticeable, but your experience has clouded that the dress was pretty and elegant.
I think you need to get a new dress and get new photos which you can look at if you truly can’t get over it.
And let’s be honest not many of us look at our wedding pictures and think I looked ducking amazing I was on fleek that day.
Post # 15
Honestly I think your dress looks very pretty (and your hair!). I wouldn’t comment to say that if it wasn’t true.
But as someone else said, maybe for your 5 year anniversary you could have a photo shoot. Even if it’s not a wedding dress, you could get a long red evening gown and have you husband wear a tux and take some photos you’re really happy with.