Wedding dress nightmare

posted 9 months ago in Dress
Post # 16
Member
3893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Your dress looks perfectly fine, honestly. I was expecting some kind of franken-dress and then it just looked lovely and normal. Obviously the process and the cost were a bad experience, but you look beautiful. 

Buy a dress you love and have a 5 year photoshoot.

Post # 17
Member
7202 posts
Busy Beekeeper

marina16 :  

“Every year I pull out my wedding pictures and I relive the wedding dress horror. This year the regret has become so unmanageable that I need some advice.”

“and every anniversary I am plunged into the same feeling of panic and horror “

I can only say that you need a bit of professional  help OP if  this is so  . It ‘s been four  years and you can still use this sort of OTT language ? Either you really do feel this  way  and thus need  help, because how  on earth will you deal with a serious issue if you are this way over a  dress ! Or maybe you really secretly like the drama  of this ‘nightmare’   ?

ETA sorry, I do sound  a bit insensitive I realise . I just would like you  to move on I guess and not waste precious time over such a small thing  . Try getting a bit crossly humourous over it , rather than weeping  and talking of horrors and nightmares and the like. 

 

Post # 18
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Have you tried not pulling out your photos to cry over them every year? That’s where I’d start. If it really bothers you that much, maybe get rid of the photos that bother you the most (burn them if you think it’ll help), then take your hubby out on a nice date to celebrate your marriage and your future together, like you’re supposed to do on your anniversary. I like the 5 year photo shoot idea too. 

Post # 19
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

I agree with others that probably best to stop looking at the pictures that upset you, at least for a while.

For what it’s worth, I think your dress looks great! Sorry if the experience isn’t what you had hoped, but IMO wedding planning experiences can be full of nightmares whatever you do. Seeing your dress is pieces vs going and picking out a dress that is fully contructed is a very different perspective. All dresses started out as pieces of fabric, then they get put together to create the dress.

I would see about doing something to celebrate your anniversary that makes you feel great. Maybe fix what you didnt’ like about your existing dress, or use this as a reason to get a whole new one of that is possible. A simple white dress with nice accessories could be just the thing too. I do understand about feeling upset for some time about things that happen, lots of people go through that, you are not alone. Making some new memories could be just the thing to help you feel better about the memories that upset you. I can tell you a few stories about people having upsetting memories about parts of their wedding day and what they did to feel better, message me if you’d like. Be strong, it gets better.

Post # 20
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

marina16 :  you could try looking up some inspiring stories of people who have managed to live meaningful lives despite having been exiled from their homelands, separated from loved ones and never able to return; or people who have lost all their limbs to accidents or infection; or parents whose children have died… and you could think about how absolutely wonderful it is that a disappointing dress is the main thing you have to be sad about, and you could focus on all the good stuff in your life that you can be happy and thankful about, including, if you like, memories of your wedding. Or you could choose to keep taking out your photos for an annual weeping session. If the thoughts of online strangers isn’t enough then specialist help might be wise. 

Post # 21
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry bee…For what it’s worth I think your dress looks classy and has very nice fabric! I’m sure your husband thought you looked amazing and told you so am I right? 

I say do a romantic anniversary shoot with an expensive dress and photographer if you can afford it. Wear a gorgeous dress you feel proud in. Then go for a fun dinner after:) 

I dont think you need to get over it as we all have our own paths in life but if you can shift your mindset a bit I think it might help. Maybe try volunteering and helping those really in need. One of my coworkers teenage daughter has gone missing for three weeks and she is desperate for volunteers to aid in the search. It has really helped me put some things in perspective knowing someone close to me with serious problems. 

Post # 22
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

You are in a cycle. Every year you pull them out and every year you get upset. 

Time to break the cycle.

How about next year you take new photos or renew your vows and get new photos? 

Post # 23
Member
3739 posts
Sugar bee

You’ve been married for 4 years and your marraige just gets better everyday. Some picture-perfect brides in desginer gowns don’t make it to their 4th anniversary and that can be a real nightmare too! I congratulate you on choosing a really good husband. The dress choice didn’t work out so well but the more important choice did.

Post # 24
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2007

Others may think this is something you should get over, but it sounds like to me you found this to be traumatizing and you have little control over how you react. I bet you feel all sorts of sensations in your body when you look at these pictures. You are likely retraumatizing yourself every time you look at them, in fact. Yet, you should be able to look at your pictures, right?

 

Anyway, I won’t minimize the impact just because others don’t feel they’d react the same way. Email me. I am a somatic experiencing practitioner. I work with people to bring their autonomic nervous systems back into regulation (this means you’ll intellectually know it sucks that your wedding dress was not ideal, but you won’t have the same physical reaction). I’ll give you 3 free sessions, no obligation because I can relate to the suffering.

I went through similar issues with my videographer who never delivered the video. I specifically asked my guests NOT to use cell phones during the ceremony because I wanted full presence. It’s only after working with my own practitioner that I can think about my day without getting worked up and angry with this videographer (and beating myself up for asking people to allow the professionals to take care of recording). 

PM me if you’re interested. I will share my website via PM so you can check it out first.

You are not alone! Best wishes.

Post # 25
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“Every year I pull out my wedding pictures and I relive the wedding dress horror.”

Why? I disagree that you don’t have control over your reactions. In fact, that’s the one thing in your life you have complete control over. It’s not easy to change your thoughts, but it’s certainly possible and desirable. You are choosing to treat yourself in an unkind way by obsessing over this. By repeating to yourself that you were traumatized, you are creating the trauma. Please be better to yourself and see a therapist so that you can better manage your mind and keep things in perspective. Honestly, it took me la lot less time than 4 years to get over the end of my marriage and meet my Fiance.

Post # 26
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

I second the suggestions of getting a new, inexpensive dress and re-taking pictures.

Another option: do you still have the original dress? I think a trash-the-dress photo session might be very cathartic here!

Post # 27
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee

I really think you need to get rid of the dress once and for all.  If it’s affecting you this much after 4 years, I think you need to throw it out.  

I also think you should go talk to a therapist because it might help with the PTSD that you are feeling from this.  

Post # 28
Member
203 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s time to stop torturing yourself with the photos each year. Sadly, many a bee who adored their dress finds that after 4 years the marriage has not worked out well. You have a wonderful husband who makes you happy, and that is afterall the point of a marriage. Its a terrible shame your dress was a disapointment, but at the end of it a dress is afterall just a dress.

If you can’t let it go, maybe get a new inexpensive dress and have a new photo shoot with your husband to wipe out the photos that clearly cause you so much pain?

Post # 29
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

marina16 :  Do you still have the dress? Maybe for your next anniversary you could do a trash-the-dress photo shoot and take out some frustration about it while also creating some fun pictures. 

It sounds like there might be some unresolved emotions going on in connection with your wedding day and the dress. Talking through it with a therapist may help process your emotions about this. Recognizing and acknowledging the heart of the issue (which may be deeper than being upset about an ill-fitting dress) can help you work through it and move past it. 

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