(Closed) wedding dress purchase anxiety

posted 10 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I did not spend that much money, in fact I bought my dress online and saved $350. I will say this I think if you can afford a dress that costs that much money good for you! Why not buy it. It is one night but, it is you and your FI’s night and it should be the way you want it. My mom, sister, and cousin are the only one’s who saw my dress but, I knew it was the one regardless. I’m sure you made the right decision and bought the perfect dress for you. As for the questions about how much it cost you could either avoid their question and let them get the hint that it’s not their business. If you are uncomfortable with the amount you spent and don’t want peeps to know lie and say it was $1,200. You have to do what you have to, and never be ashamed of your choices. I know a girl that didn’t buy the dress of her dreams because it was a tad bit more then what she wanted and still regrets it, years latter.

Post # 4
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Ugh- Enhagen- YES.

I was totally prepared and ready to purchase a dress for about $350-1,000. But then I took my mother with me to see this one dress I just couldn’t get off my mind. My mom saw all the previous dresses I tried on, and she basically said "you glow in this dress. Stop considering settling, let me get this dress for you".

And while I love love L-O-V-E my dress. I feel sub-consciously guilty over it’s price tag which was way above the original budget I had planned for myself. And it wasn’t my intention for my mom to buy my gown for me by any means. So I had a double wammy of guilt.

 What makes the whole thing bearable, is that my mom had her wedding dress made for her. And she said she wanted me to have that same experience that she had, because it was a good one. Additionally, she and I don’t have a lot of fashion taste in common- that it is pretty miraculous that she and I both felt the same about my wedding gown. And the symbolism between the gown and my mom, and my future potential use of the gown makes me feel better about the purchase. 

Three of my friends and my sister saw the gown too, and all of them loved it-except for the price tag. But they all mentioned how in every other dress I tried on, the pricey one was the one that looked most like me ad my style.

Aside from the price tag, it was the only dress I could fathom wearing from all the others gowns I tried on as well. 

But it took me awhile to reframe my thinking to a positive one. =o)

Just be happy you found something that makes you feel comfortable in! Try not to give it a second thought. There are plenty of people who have splurged far more on their gown(s) than what you did. Consider wearing your dress for a bridal shoot on a separate occasion… or if you have friends who may be the same size as you- offer to lend it to them? I have been allowing lots of my wedding items be borrowed just so that I get full use out of them. And it’s been a nice feeling. 

Post # 5
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I don’t think you should feel bad, if you can afford it, you should be pretty pleased!  This is your day!  You shouldn’t have to tell people how much you spent!  Ugh!  That’s so rude to ask.  I hated when people felt the need to ask me that question.  I mean, I got a great deal on my dress (ebay- it was like it was meant to be. The exact dress and size was there for 80 percent off!!!) but it’s no ones business!

    If you really feel that bad, you could always re-sell it afterwards (I actually made a profit on my dress- thought I was sad to see it go.  I doubt my kids will want to wear it!)

Post # 6
23 posts
  • Wedding: August 2018

i know how you feel! i spent more than i had planned to on my dress, because it was the perfect dress for me and nothing else i had tried on came close. (and my mom loved it too!) i definitely felt guilty sometimes afterwards especially because i couldn’t try the dress on again to reassure myself. but on the wedding day i felt beautiful and received more compliments on my dress than on anything else i’d agonized over for the wedding, so it was totally worth it! i don’t look back with any regrets. when you put the dress on again, you won’t regret splurging!

as far as people being rude, who knows.  maybe you can just laugh about how it’s definitely the most expensive dress you own or something, without telling the actual price. i don’t think it’s anyone’s business–and by not being willing to tell them a number, maybe they will realize how rude they are being?? 

Post # 7
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Financial matters are no one else’s business. When people ask you how much it cost, you can say, "Oh, I’d rather not discuss that/money/finances." People are always going to make their own interpretations about what that means and you can just leave them to their fun.

In fact, whenever anyone asks you something that you’re not comfortable answering, all you do is say "I’m not comfortable discussing that" or "I’d rather not talk about that." And then follow up wiith a related topic—like, how much you enjoyed going shopping with your mom—to keep the conversation going.

Post # 8
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I totally agree that it’s nobody’s business unless you want to share.  This hits a sore spot for you, and if you hesitate people might be able to sense your discomfort… so I would just come up with a snappy rejoinder about how it cost you your undying love and affection for your fiance or some other diverting statement.

Don’t waste this fun time feeling guilty, ok?

Post # 9
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I totally understand your dilemma – I had been having dress doubts so much so that I called my mom and asked if she really thought the one i bought was The One.  She said yes and told me the same thing my best friend and various other firends said – that it is perfectly normal to have "dress doubts" (serious ones in my case) because you haven’t seen it for SO long and in our minds it is such an important detail for a bride.  You will most likely love it when you lay your eyes on it again!

The "how much" questions are hard to divert, but I would respond with something along the lines of "I spent a little over my budget", or "Right around what I anticipated, it was a fair amount for what I wanted to spend", so that most people would not actually press forward to ask, "Well what was your budget?"  After the round-about comment, just quickly move onto to describing the dress or discussing another aspect of the dress/wedding or your shopping experience so that the focus doesn’t lie in the fact that you didn’t directly quote a price.  Unless the are close friends that you would feel comfortable discussing this with, it is no one’s business but yours.  If you can afford a dress at that price and love it – more power to you!  It is for no one but you and your soon-to-be husband. 

Post # 10
119 posts
Blushing bee

It’s very rude of people to ask you how much you paid for a dress. One of my closest friends told me how much she paid (way, way more than you did). But she volunteered that information in the context of telling me a story about her dress buying experience. And in turn I told her how much I spent (sorry, much, much less than you.)

I think the important thing in evaluating your purchase is prioritizing how much of your wedding budget you want to put towards looking more beautiful than you ever have before. My friend is having a very big, fancy wedding and it was very important to her to have the dress-of-a-lifetime. I’m having a relaxed beach wedding, and just wanted something pretty that would be easy to get around on the sand while I was wearing it.

Clearly this dress made you feel that very special feeling of being a bride. And it was very important to you to sustain that beautiful sensation. So you shouldn’t have to justify your purchase to anyone.

Post # 12
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have had several people ask me about the cost of my dress, along with a variety of other things for my wedding (invites, save the dates.. just about every detail!).

 I normally try to respond in a half-joking way by saying "Oh you know it is not proper etiquette to ask such things!"  If they keep pressuring me, I find a way to either change the subject or advert their attention. If they are that persistent, I finally have to tell them that it is none of their business. I would never dream of asking even a close friend how much she paid for her dress and I suppose the only way I would really find out is if she wanted to tell me for some reason. 

 Isn’t it sad that there are financial pressures outside of the wedding industry – from our own friends and family?! 

Post # 13
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Unfortunately, I’ve encountered both of these issues as well. I spent a bit more on my dress than planned (actually what I budgeted for my dress, shoes, undergarments, jewelry, etc.) and then began to panic the evening of the purchase.  I’ve looked at my dress countless times online and had other people look at it.  I’m so excited to actually get it!  My mom was the one who encouraged me to spend the extra money on it; she said she could tell from the look on my face that it was "the one."  She spent almost 20 minutes convincing me while I stared at myself in the mirror of the bridal salon dressing room.  It may not have been what I originally planned on spending, but I think it will be worth having "the dress," and it has made me more motivated to stick to my budget in other areas (or under if possible).  I say if you can afford it, then don’t feel bad!

As for the cost question, I haven’t told anyone exactly how much.  I’ve used comments like "about what I planned" or "what it took to get the perfect dress" and then change the subject. Some people are familiar with the designer and know what many of her dresses cost, so they comment something like, "oh so about X amount."  I usually say about and change the subject.  After all it’s not any of their business! 

 Congratulations on finding the dress!

Post # 14
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I didn’t want to get all wrapped up in the dress either. Then I went ahead and bought a second dress for way more than I thought I’d ever purchase either. It’s only a little bit less than you. However, it really is the One. I’m totally in love with it.

Unfortunately with the economy the way it is, my guilt has completely taken over. I do feel extremely guilty and in fact, even thought about calling off the wedding in favor of a civil ceremony, but its too late now. I just figure I’ll resell the dress to recoup some of the money I spent.

When people ask I just smile and say, "Like a typical bride I went over budget, but it’s worth it." and shrug off any other comments. It’s easier to make it lighthearted. 

Post # 15
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

Just cheerfully respond, "Too much!"  I don’t think people would press further.  I don’t think you went overboard with your dress spending either.  Do what makes you happy if you can afford it.  =)

Post # 16
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I might get a lot of flack for this, but I’m one of those people who is always asking about money! I don’t mind other people asking me, but because I know some do, I try to ask politely. Instead of "How much did you spend?" I say, "May I ask how much you spent?" to signal that no offense is meant and that they should politely decline if the question makes them uncomfortable.

By all means, if you don’t want to discuss the price of your dress, tell them you’d rather not discuss it. I ask about those things because I’m in the middle of planning a budget wedding and I’d like all the help I can get with tips on vendors’ prices and quality. I understand that other people can afford things that I can’t. It doesn’t bother me. I’m happy to make do with what I have, but if I admire something of yours, it’s natural to wonder whether I could afford it.

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