Post # 1
This started off a a question to bite off an chew on… But, then as I started typing I think it turned into a rant.
Let me start by saying I realize some people have more money than others. And there are some people that are even rolling ass backwards in money. I get it, it happens and I understand this concept.
On the bee I’ve read a fair amount of stories with women stating something like, ‘I don’t like my wedding dress.’ Or, ‘I have 2 wedding dresses and can’t decide which one to keep.’ In all of these postings most women, like more than 50% of the posters will say if a woman does not like her dress she should go buy a new one. What? I mean… What?? What?
Reason for my question…
Wedding dresses cost a lot of money. Many times people have to save up for months or years to buy one. And many times loved ones go with the bride to go dress shopping and actually help pick the dress out. This is many times all part of the process. Is it so important to have a ‘perfect’ dress that people would cause possible pain to loved ones who went to help pick out the dress or even pay for the dress? This concept is mind blowing to me. Most of the time others will state ‘it is okay to buy a new dress because it makes you feel better.’ But, what about the aunt, mother, cousin who saved up for the dress and helped pay for it? Do those people not matter in the name of fashion? I would never want to hurt those to took their time out of their lives to come with me and help pick the dress out. I’d never want to have someone actually offer to help pay good money they had to work for for a wedding dress to only turn around and say I don’t like it, I’m going to sell it or I’ll purchase a new one and pay back those who helped pay for it. I mean ya… Obviously people need to be paid back if they paid for a dress and the bride decides not to wear it. But, my point is… Make the freckin dress work. I mean… Get great shoes, a belt made or whatever, a fantastic veil, gloves, long hair extensions to cover up different parts of the dress or wear a wedding type jacket with (long, short, puffy) sleves. I would do whatever it took to make that dress work so people who helped pay for or who helped pick it out would not think it was all in vein.
I hate to put this down but it has been on my mind and I know people are going to be rubbed the wrong way. But… A wedding dress is literally something you wear one time. Even in pictures I can’t recall what anyones wedding dress ever looked like except the fact that they are all white. I do feel women should make it work even if its not what you would call perfect.
Post # 2
I had a bit of wedding dress regret. I originally wanted something very simple. No lace, no beading, not a lot of poof. Well I ended up with a dress with lace, beading, and poof. It’s a beautiful dress and it looked fabulous on me but if I could go back in time I would probably choose another one. Anyway, my mom paid for my dress. It was $1800. There was no way in hell I was going to return that dress and try and find another one. Not only would it be a HUGE waste of money, it would have really hurt my mom.
I think there is too much pressure to wear the perfect dress on your wedding day. There’s so many options out there that a perfect one just does not exisit. All you need is a dress you like that looks good.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
You’re entitled to your opinion and I respect it like any other but here’s my two cents. a.) I’ll be damned if anyone is going to tell me to make it work since my wedding dress is none of their business and b.) not all of us spend beaucoup bucks on a wedding dress to begin with so buying another may not be $1800 + $1800 and up
🙂 Having said that I think it is just one day but I also feel if you aren’t happy with what you’re wearing then that will sit with you. At least thats how it works with me and my clothes. So I have no problem selling a dress if my mind has changed. Another person is happy, I recouped my funds and possibly made a little extra to find a dress I won’t regret. Minds change, such is life.
Post # 4
I have yet to go dress shopping and I plan on purchasing only one dress. But for people who can afford multiple dresses or to replace a dress after experiencing “dress regret” I see no issue. My dress budget will not be the same as the next person.
Post # 5
I think you are making a fair amount of assumptions that do not necessarily apply across the board. Many people pay for their own dress, in which case it’s really up to them what they do if they are experiencing dress regret and they don’t have to consider hurt feelings. In my case, my mom did buy my dress but she asked me several times if I was still happy with it (I was) and not experiencing regret (I didn’t) because her ultimate goal was for me to be happy and she didn’t really care what dress accomplished that as long as I was happy on the day.
Yes, money is obviously an important factor for most people, but it’s not the ONLY factor, especially when it comes to self-confidence and feeling good on what many consider to be an extremely important day that will be memorialized forever (via photo, video, etc).
Post # 6
You said it yourself..you DON’T know what everyone elses situation is…so I’m not sure why you’re getting upset over something like this. You should consider yourself lucky that you had people helping you pick AND pay for your dress. A lot of us don’t have that luxury.
If I were unhappy with the dress I had purchased and someone told me to “just make it work” I’d probably tell them to stick it where the sun don’t shine and rescind their invitation.
Post # 7
If someone else bought the dress and will be hurt then yes, that is a delicate situation and the decision to get another dress should not be done without serious thought. If you bought it yourself and can afford it then why not I guess. It doesnt affect me. Honestly if I was a millionaire I would probably go and get a more fabulous dress than what I have!
Post # 8
Unless someone else paid for the dress, it’s really no one else’s place to judge or say “suck it up.” People can do what they want, and a wedding dress is one of the few things you shouldn’t have to feel bad about being self indulgent about.
Post # 9
I think your loved ones would want you to feel beautiful and that the dress was absolutely perfect on your wedding day, ESPECIALLY if they paid/helped to pay for the dress. So if the bride feels she made a mistake you would encourage and help her anyway you could to acquire the right dress for her, including being happy for her to return or sell the 1st dress to use the money towards the dress she actually wants to wear for her wedding.
It’s not like selling/returning the dress to go buy a bunch of work clothes or other totally non wedding related expense!
If you were happy to put money for the bride to get one dress why wouldn’t you be happy for that money to go to another wedding dress she wants instead?
I picked my dress alone and paid for it myself, and at one point I had so much deliberation over whether it was the right one, I think it happens A LOT – and if by the end of the deliberation a bride is not happy and she has the means to change that, I think she should.
Post # 10
Just to give you some insight- I had dress regret. I purchased a VW from DB, and a lot of people were present to help me choose it. In retrospect, I chose it BECAUSE those people were all there, and I didnt really love it. Fast forward about 8 months and the dress is all I thought about. I seriously couldn’t sleep, because I was up thinking about how wrong it was. I called my mom the next day and explained what I was feeling, and did tell her I was heartbroken that the dress I chose with everyone wasn’t the one. We ended up going shopping just the two of us, and found the gown of my dreams at a bridal salon.
I did tell everyone from the original day that I had purchased a new gown. Nobody was mad or upset. They said they were just happy to be a part of it, and they agreed I made the right decision when they saw the new dress.
Budget wise, this is obviously not something that we planned for. We rearranged some other areas of our budget to make it work, and it was honestly worth it. I can’t imagine getting married in the original dress.
so, there’s my story! Hope it gives you an idea of what someone’s situation might be
Post # 11
Uh… let it go. People’s dress decision has no affects on you so no need to get yourself all worked up.
(Although I am one of those who’s had dress regret but is making it work. But doesn’t mean I didnt think about buying a whole new dress.)
Post # 12
Buying a wedding dress is for many an emotionally charged experience, besides the obvious wish to look beautiful on that day. It’s not just a frock one puts on to go grocery shopping.
One would hope that if the bride looks great with, for example, both a ballgown and a sheath silhouette, whoever is contributing or paying for the dress would be graceful enough not to impose their preference for a ballgown, when the bride loves sheath dresses. Unfortunately, I’ve seen too many instances of this on the Bee.
If mom/dad/whoever is buying the dress, it’s a gift. Isn’t the cardinal rule of giving a gift to delight and please the recipient?
Post # 13
Hmm… I must say I disagreed. My sis is my first close family member to get married. My mother, myself, and my other sis went with her to pick out the dress and my mom paid for it (my sister and her fiancé are paying for the wedding themselves, but my parents insisted on at least paying for her dress). If my sis ended up having doubts about her dress and decided to switch to a new one, I don’t think any of us would be upset or offended (including my mom). We would just want her to be happy because it’s her wedding. People are allowed to change their minds especially when it’s something as important as their wedding gown if their having doubts. Personally I think any family member that would be offended is just selfish. I’m all for family graciously helping to pay for their children’s weddings but when used as a means for having control over the brides decisions…that bothers me.
Post # 14
I think you are waaaaay over investing in other people’s decisions with their outfits/money. I generally agree that a wedding dress is only worn once and that should be factored into how much is spent on the dress. I also personally could not imagine paying much more than I did for my dress. But I understand that everyone has different budgets and what is expensive for me, isn’t necessarily expensive for others. I also think that in general, no matter what you wear, it is going to be a fantastic day because you are getting married!
But, this is a day that you will look back on, reminisce about, and look at photos of for years and you hope that these memories will be fond. People feel the best and look the happiest when they are comfortable and happy with how they look. If someone hates their dress and thinks they look bad, it will show. Ssometimes I do think that people with dress regret are a bit silly (because they usually look great anyways!), but if they don’t like the dress and can afford another, that is up to them and absolutely what they should do.
And, they should be able to do this without your judgy attitude.
Post # 15
I don’t know if I’d call what I experienced dress regret, maybe dress anxiety. My mum bought my dress and she was the only one with me when I tried them on. I’d been seduced by all the beautiful lace dresses that are popular at the moment and that was what I wanted. I tried on different silhouettes and different colours but it didn’t matter the lace wasn’t looking right on me. I bought a really uninteresting dress, I hate the model photo of the dress but it surprisingly worked on me. However, it didn’t stop my anxiety, it didn’t stop me occasionally feeling like I’d settled because I wasn’t able to find a lace dress that suited me. It didn’t stop me being anxious about how I would look in it. I’m not great at being the centre of attention and so calling attention to myself in something that was potentially not flattering was daunting. Being told to make it work wouldn’t have really helped me, I needed to work through those emotions and sometimes people come out the other side with the realisation they want a new dress. I rationalised it by acknowledging that in real life fashion rarely suits me so I go with the old fail safe, so why would a wedding dress be different? There isn’t just one scenario in which people feel uncomfortable about their dress choice and so you can’t use a blanket response for how to deal with it.