Post # 1
I will try to make this short, but for some back story- I am not close with my mom. Only recently did I even decide to reestablish online communication after not speaking with her since the end of last summer. I have not seen her in almost a year and we have not spoken except her commenting on a few facebook things in the last couple weeks. I don’t want to get into the whole story, but she has a lot of issues including addiction, and certain decisions she made were extremely hurtful & led me to cease all communication last year. (This is not the first time I have cut her out of my life -from age 15 on there have been 6-12 month periods where I have decided to not speak with her for my own sanity). Currently, I am living in Virginia. I moved here in mid-January, only knowing one person – a friend from high school. I moved really randomly, and was previously living in California with no family nearby and no real reason to stay there (hence why I moved). I wanted a fresh start. Then I met my Fiance and some stuff happened with the friend I moved out here to be roommates with and we are no longer friends – basically everything is completely different than I expected it to be moving out here lol. I have lived in 5 different states, and we’re going to be moving this summer to Texas, where the wedding will be this fall. My bridesmaids are all over – three from California, one in Georgia, one in Wisconsin. My mom is in California, and my extended female relatives are mostly in Wisconsin where I grew up.
As we’re wedding planning and I’m looking at dresses I’m realizing I basically have no one to go shop/try on gowns with. I mean, I can definitely go alone but I really don’t want to. I am planning on probably ordering a dress offline, but I want to at least have the exprience of trying things on and get a better idea of what I want.
None of my family/friends are in any position to fly out before the wedding to do this stuff with me either. I am going to be in Wisconsin for a family reunion end of July, but I really think I need to have my dress figured out before then. I have only lived in this state for 4 months – one month of that was spent on vacation with Fiance traveling the country, and the three months prior I was just working a bunch (I worked as a freelance model so never really had any coworkers to meet or become friends with). I don’t really know anyone here closely except Fiance currently.
I guess I’m just wondering if any other brides were in a similar position? How did you handle it?
Post # 3
I shopped by myself as my sisters and mother live in different countries. I had friends here who would have come, but as far as I was concerned that wouldn’t have been right if I wasn’t asking them to be in the wedding.
I just mentioned that my mom and BMs were in different cities, no one seemed to think it was odd. If you book appointments you can mention it to the store so hopefully they won’t ask when you are there.
And I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my friend’s wedding in a few weeks. All of us BMs are spread out all over the world, so to make her feel like I am more involved I took pictures of the dress when it was hemmed and shoes I bought. Maybe you can take pictures of the dresses and send them to your BMs so they can also see (kind of the way people do polls on here.)
Post # 4
I’m living 2000 miles away from my family, who are the only people invited to my wedding, so I went alone. It was fast and efficient and I didn’t have to feel awkward about the sample dresses falling off of me in front of an audience 🙂 In a weird way I liked not having to worry about anyone’s opinion but my own.
Post # 5
I went with my mom and sister the first time, they were both jealous of my experience and were being catty and negative. They rushed me into saying yes to a dress, even though it was my first time dress shopping and I didn’t really love the dress. They told me to “hurry up and start crossing things off my list” and that they didn’t feel like going to other bridal shops. Even when I told them I didn’t like the dress, they told me to be quiet and that it’s “just a dress” and that they like it.
They were also in charge of my bridal shower that I cancelled due to their negative attitudes, and got one of my bridesmaids to it instead!
I’ve always been a daddy’s girl and my dad has helped so much with the wedding process, I ended up going to another shop a couple months later with just me and my dad and found a beautiful gown and said yes!!!! It was a much better experience!!
I’m so over the stereotypical “do wedding things with your mom”, not everyone has a mother or a great relationship with their mother…
Post # 6
My Mum and BMs are on the other side of the world. I went to two shops with my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law which was really good (we visited their city for a weekend, about 3 hours drive so not too bad if I’d bought my dress from there). Back in our new city I was planning on asking a close colleague or a girl from my sports team but they were both off holidaying the weekend I was thinking, so I ended up going alone.
I was quite nervous but it was fine! In fact, I preferred it because I truly chose the dress I loved, my decision alone. Most of the boutiques didn’t bat an eyelid and luckily were very helpful. I went to smaller places where I was the only bride trying dresses at the time.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
i went by myself most of the times i went. i went once with my mom, when i was home on break. and then once with one of my bridesmaids, at the very beginning of dress shopping. that’s the time i decided i hated having an entourage with me. i get overwhelmed and anxious when too many opinions are thrown my way (the consultants were always throwing opinions around, and other brides as well… i learned early on, don’t go shopping at a busy time. choose an off time). i felt more in control of the situation when i was shopping alone. that way, i was the one who made the decision, nobody else was there to sway me.
after i did choose my dress, i did bring one of my bridesmaids with me to double check. but other than that? i did most of my dress shopping alone.
Post # 8
I was in a similar situation and had to go alone a few times. It wasn’t so bad especially if the person who helps you is positive and nice. It might be easier to go alone because then you know you are trying on only dresses you like and not for someone else. Would you want your fiance to go with you?
Post # 9
@ErinC6: I understand why you feel this way. But, I find personally that I pick out things I like better when I shop on my own. I know it is a big built up thing that brides shop for dresses with their mother or sister. I don’t have the same issues you do with your mom but our tastes are not similar, and I know that what is on the LOW end for a dess, she would consider a lot of money. so, i would feel strange shopping with her even though we are not estranged.
this may sound a little crazy but… I would go on the “local” weddingbee boards for your area and try to find another bride who might be willing to shop with you. Another bride near your own age might be a better shopping partner than your family. I know this may not be ideal but maybe worth a try? The sort of bride who is in wedding planning fever might love to shop with another bride, and talk about all things wedding related 😉
the way people live now, everyone is spread out and it’s hard to honor these traditions. I hope it works out. Happy shopping!
Post # 10
I can understand where you’re coming from. My mom and my sister are local, but my mom flakes due to “health issues” (not real), and sure enough, right before we were supposed to meet to try on dresses, she bailed. I was devastated. When I got there and my sister and Future Mother-In-Law had shown up, I cried with joy, because I had felt so alone. And mom ended up showing later. If no one had showed at all, I would have been sad.
That said, the next time I went shopping I really wanted to go alone.
I think there’s something about “my mom is supposed to be here” that makes it tough.