Wedding Drop Out

posted 9 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Can you elaborate on this bridal shower? What were you going to buy with that $300-$400? 

Post # 4
Member
4780 posts
Honey bee

They want you to get your hair and makeup done for a shower? Or the wedding? As for the cost, if you can’t afford it you’re under no obligation to do so. A bridesmaid isn’t a piggy bank that you shake money out of when you need it.

Post # 6
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

It sounds like the bride is using you to subsidize her celebrations and if you can’t afford it, best to tactfully drop out, in writing, to both the groom and bride, sooner rather than later. I’d do it graciously and apologetically. Keep it short. “I’m really sorry guys, but these expenses are adding up to much more than I can afford and what I had expected. I wish I could do more, but it would be best to back out now so someone else can better help you.” If the bride is being a bully, why are you even spending so much money on her? 

Post # 8
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Have you tried talking to the groom about the money concerns?  

Post # 10
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

If you’re closer to the groom, I would bring the issue to him, not her. 

I would also stand my ground with the other bridesmaids. “I love Bride and Groom, and I’m happy to support them. However, I don’t think you’re quite understanding my financial constraints. I just had a baby, and I have repairs I need to do to my car. Unfortunately, I wasn’t a lottery winner this week and don’t have unlimited funds. If you want my assistance for the bachelorette party, I will contribute X. Otherwise, the only other expenses I budgeted are for the day of the wedding, and that will be all I can do. If the burden is too much for the shower, perhaps it’s time to scale down on costs.” 

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

bouviebee :  This is prefect.  There is no obligation that you are a host of the bridal shower if you can’t afford it.  Also if the bride is requiring hair and makeup for the wedding then she is to pay for it, not you.  Stand your ground and don’t give in.  I just don’t understand these huge elaborate bridal showers.  Who would actually expect that?

Post # 13
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

The planning of my bridal shower was really fair. My mom was the main host and took on the venue and food costs then asked my bridal party who would like to handle tasks like decorations, games, prizes, etc. and everyone chose something or a few things that they felt they could afford and have the time to accomplish. For example, one bridesmaid who’s husband makes enough so she doesn’t have to work did a lot of DIY crafts because she has free time. Another bridesmaid that’s decently well off but has very little free time volunteered to buy some of the more expensive items. Other bridesmaids came up with budget friendly ideas and split up the work. 

Before dropping out maybe you can try one more time to explain that $300-400 is just way out of budget for you. Then come up with some ideas of way you could contribute in cost effective ways and tell the group.  If that approach doesn’t work, unfortunately it sounds like you’ll have to drop out. The bride will definitely be upset and it will probably change your friendship for a while, but in time she will probably realize how unreasonable she was

Post # 14
Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

egs11 :  I see posts like this and i am so confused. 

I asked my best friend to officiate our wedding, and my daughter will be my sole attendant. I have bought their dresses, am paying for their hair, and covering their lodgings in the destination where we’re getting married. 

They are doing something to honor our friendship, why would I expect them to ALSO cough up hundreds of dollars?

Agreeing to be in a wedding doesn’t oblige you to participate in ANY additional activities, let alone cough up hundreds of dollars for someone else’s vision of an extra event. 

PPs have offered some great advice on how to raise the subject, but just know; you are perfectly entitled to choose not to participate in these extra events. 

Post # 15
Member
4739 posts
Honey bee

Are they really bullying you are you just not being clear and standing your ground?  There is a difference.

“This is my budget.  If you want something more than what my budget allows, you will need to cover the remainder.”

“I can contribute X dollars.  Let me know if you need help coming up with ideas within our total budget.”

“That is not in my budget.  You’ll either need to explore a less expensive option or cover the rest of it yourself.”

Repeat ad nauseum and block her or ignore her if you have to.  Short of having a gun to your head, she can’t force you to give her the money.  You just need to be firm on what you are offering and clear that the expectation be that she respect the budget or pay for it herself.  Don’t play the “well, I’m concerned about how much it is…” game.  You leave it open-ended and open for interpretation and bargaining that way.

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