Post # 1
I’ve posed this question a few times in some threads and haven’t really received an answer. A number of bees are saying that rules like promptly sending thank you notes, not having your immediate family host your shower, and not requesting cash gifts are outdated and not “with the times.”
I am really curious as to why so many then have a problem with people not RSVPing or bringing uninvited guests? Is it only the etiquette rules that impose on the bride that are considered still relevant? Why do some think weddings are exempt from social etiquette when they are social events, which is exactly the type of thing etiquette is for? Does it have to do with the “it’s my day” mentality that pervades the modern day wedding industry or have some rules of polite interaction genuinely become no longer necessary and why?
I’m sure you can tell where I fall based on how I phrase the questions, but I’m really looking forward to feedback as I’m genuinely curious as to everyone’s thoughts. 😉
Post # 3
I am so with you on this! I have also made that point in some posts in the past and it usually gets ignored.
I don’t understand why brides who think it is ok for them to ignore good etiquette are surprised when their guests do the same?
Post # 4
I second your comments and questions.
I truly can not understand how some women are so upset prior to their wedding with guests not responding, adding extra guests, whatever. Then as soon as the wedding is over, it’s all ‘well I have a YEAR to get my thank you cards out!’.
Post # 5
Or… ‘we’re having a cash because we can’t afford it’ and ‘why didn’t we get bigger/more/better gifts!’
Post # 6
@julies1949: I think the same thing all the time, I am with both of you on this one.
Post # 7
I’m sorry, but it’s just common sense that you RSVP to an event to which you are invited. I think thank yous need to get out in a timely manner, but a lot of couples wait for their pros before sending so they can send a pic with the card.
Etiquette has to change with the times. Cash gifts, depending on your crowd, can be okay these days. Sometimes someone in the immediate family is the one who makes the most sense to host the shower due to other circumstances. But if you have a pre-paid piece of mail where you simply have to check a box and pop it in your mailbox for the postman, there is no reason you can’t comply, and to not comply is outlandishly rude.
Post # 8
@lyfe_girl: I agree.
And just from reading things on the boards, I’ve learned this: Rudeness does not change with the times. Not sending back a pre-stamped RSVP is rude.
A new toaster, however, for a lot of young people is no longer necessary since they already have one, since they’ve lived on their own since they were 18, or even with their boyfriends/fiance’s before they were married. Therefore, a cash gift would be more beneficial to them.
Post # 9
This drives me nuts too. If a bride follows etiquette rules I would hope that the guests follow them too. If somebody does not follow them then they should not be surprised when guests don’t RSVP on time.
@gcwest: I haven’t bumped into many people that complain about the types of gifts they recieve, but it’s horrible to think people actually behave that way! I can understand when people feel a little dissapointed about not recieving at least a card since that is common courtesy. Complaining about the types of gifts or wanting more would make me think that they were more worried about what tangible things they get out of a wedding.
Post # 10
@lyfe_girl: & @.twist.: I think the problem is more with people who are surprised by breaches of etiquette when they ignore etiquette themselves. I don’t think the OP was saying that not sending and RSVP back wasn’t rude.
Post # 11
@singasong: and @julies1949: I fully agree. I have also asked this question, but am met with rude responses.
Generally, I would say that people want etiquette rules to apply to others, but not themselves. But doing things correctly, doesn’t equal doing things the easiest way.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
People are judgmental of others and use a double standard. This is pretty true everywhere, not just with etiquette. 😉
Post # 13
Well, one of the leading etiquette experts on this board said it was 100% fine for a mom to host a bridal shower.
I think some bees take etiquette way too seriously. It’s not a life or death matter. Having your mother host your bridal shower is not rude like showing up to someone’s party uninvited.
Post # 14
@.twist.: As times have changed, yes a cash gift may be more beneficial and nobody is arguing that. But when the couple outright asks for cash, that is when the etiquette rule is broken. So just as not sending back an RSVP is rude, so is asking for cash gifts.
I think that’s the point of the post. Why do brides get to pick and choose which etiquette they want to follow?
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@Miss Tattoo: BUT IT IS LIFE OR DEATH!!!
Post # 16
@milesbella: but, if they didn’t ask for cash they’d ask for a gift. What’s the difference between a Gift Registry and a Honeymoon registry? It’s all money spent in the end? People who want to give a material gift are most likely going to ive it either way.
I’m not trying to argue, just honestly curious. I’m no etiquette expert by any means, like I said in my original post, this is just what I’ve learned reading the boards.