Wedding Etiquette Advice: Two Weddings In Same Month

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s tricky – if there was flexibility in venue, photographer or caterer choice, then setting a different date would have been easier on the rest of the family (or any other overlaps on the guest list).  Even though there is a four week gap, if there is travel involved, that’s still a lot of cost for the guests all at once.

That said, there are a lot of factors and you can’t possibly take all of them into account.  Setting a date can involve many moving parts.  Ultimately, we make our choices and deal with the fallout.  It may be that some family members will have to decide between the weddings.  As many people have posted about, weddings come in waves and sometimes, there are a lot of them in a compact amount of time.  

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Will the family have to travel for the weddings or does everyone live near each other? If there is a lot of travel and overlap, I understand couple B being upset as it is unlikely people will go to both…..and couple A scheduling a wedding BEFORE couple B (by only a few weeks) *seems* inconsiderate.

 that is not to say there are not good reasons to have it that weekend but I think couple B is justified in being upset.  Your friend should just call them up and explain why they chose that date and that she feels bad for any issues it may bring up – and that she hopes they understand her reasons.  She could also offer to encourage people to attend Couple B’s nuptials if they can only choose one since they planned theirs first.  There is not much more she can do. 

Post # 8
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I agree with the comments above.

A. There are so many factors that go into choosing a wedding date – a couple can’t possibly make everyone happy and does their best to choose a date that best for them.

B.  If a majority of the ‘guest overlap’ would be flying to either wedding – and/or incurring hotel costs – I can understand both couples concerns that guest will have to choose one wedding or another.  Seriously though I think this would be the case no matter if the weddings are in the same month, the same season, or the same year.

C.  The reality is that yes, especially with large families – weddings happen in the same year.  I for one would not put my wedding off for a month, 6 months, or a year.  Life is short.  Yes this does mean some people will have to make a choice.  Life is full of choices.  People/Guests will make the decisions that are best for them and life will go on 🙂

How to handle the situation…. I would have Couple A call the parents of Couple B to address the email.  Just have them say something like we realize the weddings will be in the same month, 4 weeks apart.  It wasn’t on purpose, the date we choose worked with our familes/requirements.  We understand worst case scenario some guests would not be able to attend both weddings, but that is something we’ll have to accept.  We hope everyone can come to both and will do our best to make sure they know about both weddings and can plan appropriately. (this is a year out – those who care will be able to make arrangements)

I might also have the bride A talk to her cousin Groom b with the same conversation.  Hey – we aren’t trying to cause a family stir, we are so excited for your wedding.  The date that worked the best for our families happens to be the beginning of that month.  I’m sorry if you feel like we did something malicious or intentional – but we surely did not.  blah blah. They def want to clear the air now so this doesn’t continue to brew into something larger than it should be!!

If everyone is civil maybe the brides should exchange notes on colors or something so they can each have an individual wedding and not start accusing the other of copying 🙂  Like make sure the bridesmaids are in different colors 🙂  If Bride B has been engaged longer maybe she’s made these decisions and Bride A can try to stay clear of the colors?? 

Post # 10
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

To paraphrase Sex and the City, you get a day.  Not a week.  Certainly not a month.

I suggest that she respond to the email simply: "if you’d like to talk about this in person, let’s set up a time".  It’s so much easier to be nasty when you don’t have to look the person in the eye.  Have her calmly ask them to explain their "concern" in detail and keep asking for clarification until all the petty ugliness of their action is plain to see.  She doesn’t need to explain or apologize.  In the light of day, I’m sure even Mama and Papa B won’t be able to believe their "concern" is acceptable.

It was more than a bit inappropriate for them to say, especially over email. 

Post # 11
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m getting married shortly after my cousin/MOH (she is my Maid/Matron of Honor as well) that’s just the way the cookie crumbles when proposals happen to occur relatively close to each other.  We have a lot more people that would have to travel so we both know that some might be able to only attend one of our weddings.  No big deal.  I know that if all of the relitaves on that side make it to hers and not mine I’ll still have plenty of guests to celebrate with so I really don’t care and neither does she.  The only "concern" I’ve had from people who have to travel is they wished our weddings were CLOSER together so they could do it all in one shot. 

I agree mith Miss banana, you get a day (okay maybe a few days so you have some help with preperation). Beyond that wedding planning is stressfull enough and you are never going to satisfy everyone. Jilian had some good advice but I just wanted to add to that.  Bride A is just as much a bride as bride B regardless of who got engaged first.   It would be very respectful for her to stear clear of whatever color/theme B is going for but if B happened to choose hot pink* and A has been dreaming of that ever since the early 90’s as her color then I think she should go with it.  She should be entitled to the wedding of her dreams as well.

*That was not an attack on hot pink.  I am a fan of the color.

Post # 11
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I Know these posts are quite dated, however I found it helpful in trying to figure out my own situation. If there is anyone who can offer additional advice, particularly aiming towards the other side of the story, not mine, that would be much appreciated.

 

background:

My cousin got proposed to in 2015 and planned to have her wedding 2 years later in September 2017. My sister who is the eldest cousin fianlly found her mate and they wanted to get married in November in City Hall; I convinced her not to do that knowing that our parents want to be able to give her away in a proper ceremony. She then moved her date to fist weekend of July and as she was finalizing everying, I found out that I was pregnant and my due date was end of July. Knowing that babies typically arrive a couple weeks earlier and especially in our family, they are typically born quite a few weeks earlier, my sister and family did not want me to miss her wedding especially since we’re very close and grew up together for 27 years without ever being apart. My sister and her fiance were forced to change their date but the catch is that they could only chose a summer month, after June and before September, since her fiances entire family live in the US, work for the school there and study nursing etc. while the rest of us are in Canada. In addition, it is not a typical Christian wedding where dates do not matter, it is a Hindu wedding where dates are very auspicioius.

The only wedding date they were able to get prior to September was last week of August in order to accomodate the fiance’s family and myself to give me and my baby a month or so to recover.

We knew our cousin’s wedding was goign to be in September, however we thought it was 2nd week, which would mean there’s a 2 week gap. As it turns out, both weddings were going to be 1 week apart. OUr family who lived outside of Canada, and others we spoke to, did not see an issue with the dates being 1 week later since one wedding was Hindu (typically 1 week long) and the other was Christian (1 day for both ceremony and reception). Other family who were traveling from the US on our side preferred the weddings 1 week apart because a majority of them could remain for 1 week but anything outside of 1 week they would have to choose whose wedding to attend.

Keep in mind my sister and parents did not expect family to attend my sister’s wedding and realized that my cousin’s wedding was priortiy since she booked her dates first.l However the cousin’s family was VERY offended and believed that we chose our date intentionally and proceeded to phone the entire family and told them in order to ostracize us. We honestly did not choose the dates intentionally as we were unaware it was 1 week apart, regardless we did not see how the 2 weddings would be affected in any way. Each bride would have her day(s) and the spotlight would not be removed from either of them.

 

Our family ended up moving the date recently to 2 month after the issue, since we genuinely were sorry that we hurt them unintentionally and did not want to cause any lifetime drama which is what it would be had we continued with the initial date.

 

Does anyone see any issue to having the 2 dates 1 week apart? Keep in mind the cousin did not mind if my sister’s wedding was to be 2 weeks after hers, she just did not want it anywhere close to before her wedding. Any advice showing me my cousin’s reasons will be very helpful in me being able to put this all to rest at a time when the cousin and family refuses to talk to us to work out a solution.

 

Thanks for reading and taking the time to respond if you do!!

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