(Closed) Wedding etiquette for inviting guests to different parts of the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

I think you need to scrap the Hen’s night, and I don’t understand the purpose of the 3rd reception.  You are hosting receptions after each of the ceremonies for those invited, so I don’t understand why you are having people over again the next night to celebrate again.

I do think you are asking a lot of your guests.  You are asking for their attendance at 3+ events each.  Which is 3 nights out of their already limited discretionary time. 

I also don’t think you need to host another party for family in India.  I get that they are disappointed that they can’t be there to celebrate with you, but that doesn’t obligate you to pay for a trip and another party to satisfy them.  If they are that keen to celebrate with you, they should be organizing something.

 

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Indian weddings are quite different to Western weddings. I think each guest, especially those who are invited to only limited events, would benefit from a little explanation of Indian tradition. Perhaps a separate invite for each event, with a quick 1-2 sentence description of the event and the customary guest list on the actual invite, then assemble a single packet with the relevant invites for each guest? This way, they understand why they received the invites they did, with no mention of the other events. Letting them know there are other events to which they are not invited could be hurtful to some.

if you’re having a wedding website, you should consider assigning each guest a unique ID and password, and controlling the website security so that the guests only see the web links for the events to which they’ve been invited.

@andielovessj this is a cultural thing and if the OP doesn’t follow at least some of these traditions, she will hurt the feelings of many friends and relatives. Don’t judge her based on Western standards because they are not very similar.

Post # 5
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@iprasad:  have you considered having both ceremonies on the same day? I know it may seem like a bit much but it may make planning as well as finances a bit easier – only 1 venue charge. 

Perhaps have the Christian ceremony in the late morning then serve a very simple lunch. Then have the Hindu ceremony followed by the 3 course meal reception. It would be a whole day affair and you would invite all your guests to attend the whole day.  

You would obviously have to find a venue that would be suitable with perhaps 2 ceremony spaces and a reception venue. 

I also thought about doing this but settled on 1 fusion ceremony. Looking through different blogs it seems that many couples go the route of 2 ceremonies on one day.

Post # 6
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

@fishbone:  I have lived in India twice, so I do know a little about Indian weddings.  But I have never heard of a Hen Night as part of Indian traditions.  The Henna party yes, but never a western style bachelorette party.

Other people’s situations (not being able to travel to the wedding) do not obligate the OP to host a party she cannot/doesn’t want to. 

Post # 8
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@iprasad:  So I actually attended a Hindu/Catholic wedding last year.  They ended up doing everything on the same day:  Catholic ceremony in the morning, Hindu ceremony in the afternoon, then a reception for everyone in the evening (as not everyone was invited to both events).  I also think they had a lunch in between, but we weren’t invited to that.  I was a little put off that I wasn’t invited to the Catholic ceremony (only the Hindu one) but that’s because I’m Catholic and would have enjoyed seeing that ceremony.

How important is the date?  It seems like it would be much easier and cheaper to have it all in one day. And you might be able to invite most people to all events.

But if you can’t do that, definitely include explanations of the different events in the invites.  For the wedding I attended, the bride had included what events were talking place and when, but didn’t say anything about what they were so we had zero idea what was going on.  This info can also go on a wedding website.  She also listed 4 different events, but only marked the 2 or 3 we were invited to.  I think my ignorance of Hindo weddings helped here; since I didn’t know what the events were, I wasn’t offended I wasn’t invited to them all.

The other thing I might do is just have the reception on Saturday after the Christian ceremony.  Since close friends and the groom’s family are already invited to that and are the only ones being invited to the reception, it seems silly to have them on different days.  It would be like having 2 different weddings with 2 different guest lists.

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