Wedding etiquette for siblings

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Don’t plan your life around hers! My brother and his gf got engaged about a month ago and I jokingly asked them if they wanted to just join in on our wedding this weekend. 😂 I think if all that is happening is that you’re eloping, you can do it whenever the heck you please. If you were having a large wedding with lots of people traveling for both, I understand a gap. But do your thing and don’t let anyone control what you and Fiance wants. 🙂 

Post # 17
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

A whole YEAR? What is she, some kind of royalty? Heck no, go with your original plans and BE SURE to announce! Bridezilla to the max🙄

Post # 18
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

bumblebug :   chocochai :  Meh I waned what I wanted. I’m the last one on my side to get married, even out of my brothers inlaws.  All I had to do what wait a year.  Also, a lot of our family has to travel for weddings now because we’ve scattered across the country.  It’s really hard on people if there is more than 1 wedding in the family in one year.  My SIL actually asked me not to get married 2017 because she had a wedding on each side and it would be tough for the family of four.  So excuse me for wanting to be the only person in my family to get married that year so that the family is less stressed out and I get more help with wedding planning.  I’m such a horrible person.

Oh and I waited to make it happen.  Bohoo, what a brat I am.  If my sib wanted to get married the same year as me I’d talk to them about it.  come up with somekind of arrangement.  If I already booked my venue I get dibs. 

And I’m the last of my generation to get married, even counting my brothers in laws.  My cousin and I have a wierd rivalry, and I always felt like she was the favorie and center of attention being the youngest and blond haired and blue eyed, me the nerdy scruffy tomboy.  Sorry, I didn’t want to feel insecure and feel like our family spending more time helping her plan her wedding than me.  Not to mention feeling compared to her.  I’m sure that would have been GREAT for our relationship.  

Post # 19
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

rao4400 :  “I already booked my venue I get dibs.”

False but nice try. You get dibs on that venue on that day. You do not get dibs for the rest of the year. You are right that YOU can decide to put off wedding plans for a year but you cannot make that decision for other people, even if you have “dibs”. 

I do agree that having multiple family weddings in a short time span can put financial strain on people travelling. That is a situation that could result in the two couples having to discuss timing and it might mean some guests can’t attend both weddings. Such is life though and not a reason to dictate that someone needs to plan their wedding for a whole other year. 

Post # 20
Member
3347 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Do your thing bee! 

Post # 21
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

chocochai :  Yup I’m just a monster.  Ya got me.   I totaly would hold the dibs rule as the unbreakable law and not be open to a conversation about it and work with them to figure out what to do.  If my sib wouldn’t work wiht me, I’d probably take the hit and see what I could reschedule and regnotiate.  I mean, I used to call shot gun only to have to wrestle with my cousins or brothers to get it, only to lose and sit middle instead.  Kinda sounds like having siblings to me.  I would still have fun on the car ride.  But you know, you can totally judge my entire character by a quick post.  

And I still get to have a year to myself with no competing family weddings, kinda like my brothers and cousins go too.  I’m such a B with an Itch.

ETA: Oh and part of the reason I wanted my own year other than my cousins?  I was her Maid/Matron of Honor and she is mine.  I don’t know about you, but when I maid I take it seriously.  I work hard for my brides.  No WAY would I have been able to put the time and effort into the shower and bachelorette, making favors, learning the dance I had to teach, dealing with her bridezilla moments without killing her in the process.  I’m glad I got to dedicate my energy to her.  I’m Bridesmaid or Best Man in another wedding this year and now that i’m deep into my own planning, I know I’m not being near as dedicated as I normally am.  I didn’t want that for my cousin, we dreamed abotu it for too long.

Hey maybe the sister just wants that? To not be so overwhelmed with her own weddingthat she can’t be as involved in her brothers.  It’s almost like people are complicated and multifaceted or something.  CRAZY.

Post # 22
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee

rao4400 :  See, if you actually wanted to have a wait in between because you want people to not have to spend tons of money, that’s fine. But if you can’t handle having the attention on someone else within a YEAR of your wedding, then you sound spoiled. Good on you for waiting to make it happen, and I guess it’s lucky you hadn’t picked your venue first because the brat in you might have come out.
And the reason you got called out is because of your own words. All we know is what you’ve said. And you basically just said that you wanted your own year. You didn’t say that you wanted to spread the cost or focus on the other bride. You wanted your own wedding season where everyone focused on you. Your own words made you sound entitled.

And there’s no way that’s what the sister wants, because if you paid attention to the post you’d notice that OP and her fiance are basically eloping. No sister there. So she doesn’t get to be a brat.

Post # 24
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

 So much drama with wedding dates!

 

My brother is getting married a month after me and I’m pretty sure my Future Sister-In-Law and he hate me for choosing my date in the same season as theirs.  They’ve even threatened to not show up (he’s my only brother and we were super close growing up so this stings a bit). Whatever.  As many posters have said, you get ONE day and you can’t please everyone so do what’s best for you and your FH

Post # 25
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

She doesn’t get a year – she needs to be told to F off.

Post # 26
Member
566 posts
Busy bee

Her year??!!  Stick to your own plans, don’t discuss anything more with her and get married when you want. I don’t care if someone close gets married the day before or the day after, everyone is entitled to do their wedding their way and whenever it suits them.

Post # 27
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Normally I think the “you get one day” crowd is a little harsh, but whoa, I completely agree here. Get married when you want, and announce it. She doesn’t have a monopoly on the year.

Also wanted to add for the other conversation happening here, my sister and I got married 3 months apart (her first then me), and we were each others’ person of honor. It wasn’t difficult 😉 We dedicated our energy to each other when we needed to, and it was a beautiful thing to be able to share. Using being a Maid/Matron of Honor as an excuse to be selfish doesn’t really work.

Post # 28
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 

rao4400 :  way to be overly dramatic. Chill out. 

The op is planning to elope. Her plans effect the sister by exactly 0%……other than not allowing her to have a year completely focused on her. 

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