Post # 1
Okay Bees, since I’ve never been married before and I have no idea what I’m doing (JUST started this whole circus!) I have no idea how to budget.
Traditionally speaking: it’s the father of the bride that pays for the wedding and the groom’s parents that pay for the rehearsal dinner? By “wedding” I’m assuming it includes venue, food, beverage, transportation, band, decorations, flowers, etc?
Does the bride pay for her dress and accessories?? How about salon services the day of?
My family literally consists of 10 people. And my parents have NO friends. Really.
He has a big family and his parents have an obscene amount of friends. Doesn’t really seem fair does it?
Post # 3
Whether or not you follow tradition is up to you and your families. Some couples choose to pay for the wedding themselves. Some brides break up the cost based on guest count (which sounds fair in your case). Some people stick to tradition and their parents pay for everything. It’s up to you!
Post # 4
What helped me most was having the financial discussion with my parents, and the in-laws. From there we really got a good sense of who would pay for what specifically and what kind of budget they had in mind. It made me feel much more comfortable.
From there, my Fiance and I talked about what was most important and what we thought deserved the higher budgets, and the lower budgets. Throughout the process I tried to make decisions about spending based on my gut response. I didn’t want to abuse their generosity, so I tried to pretend it was my money I was spending when I was making decisions about areas they volunteered to pay for.
Post # 5
Thanks for the feedback. Thinking of it as all my money will be really helpful. I want this to be beautiful, but I don’t want to go overboard. My mom told me at first that I should just elope and spend the money on an awesome trip! (Which was tempting, but I do want a wedding.)
Post # 6
Here’s one strategy:
Find an online list of typical costs/items. Revise it according to your area or after asking people. Then talk to your groom about it. Be realistic about what you would be able to save and willing to spend on this wedding (if you like -you can name specific parts/dress, salone, venue etc.). Ask him what thinks he can contribute and cover. Then go present to your respective parents separately what you (as a couple) are able to pay for and afford and what you are not sure about….wait with a dramaticpause…then the parents can offer up whatever they see as necessary and would be fun. I would ask your parents, if they do contribute, Does this come with any strings attached? I made the mistake of assuming it wouldn’t but then I heard my mom and my dad complaining about not being able to invite more friends etc., hinting that because they spent money…they should be allowed more guests.