(Closed) Wedding fears and Life jitters

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
248 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you…everyone moves at a different pace. I think the first thing you need to do is ask yourself if you ever want to get married. Afterall, marriage is not for everyone and some people live perfectly happy lives with their significant others without having done so. If you find yourself breaking out in hives just at the sheer thought of it, then maybe it’s something you need to leave for now and possibly revisit at a later time. Everyone is different, so while you may be in your late 20’s, you may not be ready until your 30’s, or whenever really. Don’t let age determine what you SHOULD be doing. Do what feels right to you. I think the one thing you should do however is talk to your significant other…get a feel for his stance on the situation and let him know where you stand. That way, you’re putting it out there and on the table so if that time ever comes when you’re faced with a proposal, he won’t be completely blindsided by your knee-jerk reaction. If all of a sudden you feel a great urge to get hitched, then great. Until then, relax and keep living your life gf! 

Post # 3
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Get out and enjoy life! Other people’s expectations don’t matter, what matters is you. You’re still a student so why rush things? Finish school, travel, get a real job somewhere. Then figure out your priorities and decide is you even want marriage and/or kids. They don’t necessarily need to go together if you don’t want.

I get the need for freedom and being the force of nature that makes everyone either come along for the crazy ride or get out of the way! For me, it’s been a bumpy, scary ride, but that’s the fun part. It’s still bumpy and scary sometimes, but I’m with someone who grabs my hand and tells me to jump, instead of trying to make me be sensible. 

Just enjoy the ride and see where your path takes you. 

Post # 5
3726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

World.Explorer:  I think you are normal and I can relate. For a while, in my early twenties, I really wanted marriage and family. Then, come mid-twenties, I was single again and loving life. I did not want to sacrifice my freedom, independence or autonomy for anyone! I was not interested in marriage or a family. When I hit 30, I found someone who drove me mad. After a couple of years, I was ready to get married! We’ve explored and had great adventures together and I think that has helped quell my fears of what I thought would be a limit to my personal independence and quest for new travels. I will be 36 when we wed in 5ish months.

My advice to you would be simply to ride the wave, feel the feelings and not say I Do until you are absolutely ready. It’s ok. There is no prescription to happiness on this earth.

Oh, and fuck this thing about “this is the expected road” or whatever. You can blaze your own path and be damn happy doing it!

Post # 6
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Just because you’re been with someone for over 4 years and you are 28 does not mean you have to get married. If only more people realized this! 

Post # 9
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Why have you been reading a wedding website for several years while having no interest/an actual fear of marriage yourself?  I really can’t even imagine how that situation could come about. Are you sure you’re not just being a little dramatic about this?

Post # 10
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

With the US/Canada divorce rates, I’m a little surprised when women aren’t nervous about marriage.  Nobody marries with the intention of divorcing, it just happens all the time. Strong love slowly deterioates in to bitterness and anger.  15 years and 4 kids later, they can’t make it work- I’m sure we all know a couple like this.     

If you’re taking your time and taking marriage seriously, this is a good thing.  

Post # 12
267 posts
Helper bee

World.Explorer:  first of all, nothing is “wrong” with you! It sounds like you and your SO balance each other out beautifully.  It also sounds like you two are actually very much on the same page regarding your views of marriage not being necessary for a life-long partnership. The only thing that gave me pause was your comment about possibly being on separate pages regarding future children….sounds like he is more open to them then you are? Something to continue to discuss, at any rate.  Continue to enjoy your lovely relationship and see what happens…it may lead to marriage which results in a life filled with love and happiness for you both, or it may lead to the mutual decision between you and your SO NOT to get married, but stay together in a committed, monogamous relationship, which results in a life filled with love and happiness for you both. Win win πŸ˜‰

In the end, the only opinions that matter are those of you and your SO (something I need reminding of, as well!)

Post # 14
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010


Very well said.  If both the OP & her SO are happy with things as they are, that’s what matters.

ITA it’s important to keep the dialog going about children.

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