Post # 1
So long story short, my parents are giving us a small amount of money toward the wedding. Pretty much covered one of the deposites for the venue. There are about 250 invites…. 80 on my end of it. That leaves 170 on his side of the wedding guest list. His parents keep bringing up how upset they are that my parents are not giving us enough money toward it. My shower was taken care of by my mom, and his parents are covering the rehearsal dinner and giving us a very generous wedding financial wedding gift. My fiancé and I are paying for most of the venue and all the other vendors needed.
Should I be feeling bad about this?
How do I get them to stop bringing it up and mentioning it? It’s causing a lot of stress.
Post # 2
It is completly out of line for his parents to say anything about how much your parents are contributing. They aren’t obligated to give you anything toward the wedding.
Post # 3
Just be firm. Next time they bring it up say (or have your Fiance say) “My parents have contributed generously to our wedding and we’re really thankful.” And then change the subject. Be consistent. No one has to contribute to your wedding at all and I think it’s incredibly rude that anyone to mention it’s not “enough”, let alone someone who isn’t actually giving you any money.
Post # 4
mj1989 : Where are they getting this crazy idea? What makes them think your parents are not contributing enough? They need not be privy to what your parents are contributing.
Post # 5
If they are so unhappy about it, why don’t they give you money? Seriously, there is no expectation for anyone to give the bride and groom money to fund the wedding.
Post # 6
mj1989 : why do they even know what or if your parents are contributing? I would shut this down – I don’t even know that I’d be polite about it at this point.
Post # 7
craigslistgirl : they are giving us a wedding gift…of a lot of money. They’re just unhappy my parents aren’t giving us anything even close to what they’re giving.
Post # 8
mj1989 : What your parents choose to give is none of thier damn business no matter how much they are giving you and I would make that clear the next time they bring it up. I’m appalled at thier rudeness.
Post # 9
How do they even know how much your parents are contributing? It’s none of their business nor is it your parent’s business to know how much they are giving. Sorry bee, but you or your Fiance should’ve never discussed this with anyone but yourselves. You’re just asking for stress….which unfortunately it’s exactly what you ended up getting.
Post # 10
So why is this a “gift”, why aren’t they offering it up now to help with current costs? By your wording it sounds like they are making you pay for everything up front, then covering the rehearsal dinner, and THEN giving you the money afterwards. It is awesome that they are offering you the funds as a wedding gift, but if it is that, then why do they know what your parents are covering?
Everyone can only do what they can do, they shouldn’t go into debt for a wedding and I think wedding costs now and days are out of control. If they can’t do it then they can’t do it. Congratulations to his parents if they can fork the money, but everyone has there only finances. I would shut it down like the other poster said ASAP and I would cut their side for the invites if they are paying up front and you can’t afford the wedding without the help.
Post # 11
mj1989 : I would ask them directly, “why do you think my parents should pay more for our wedding?” If they pull some shit like “well it’s traditional!” I would remind them that it’s “traditional” because women used to be seen as a burden, so the bride’s parents would pay for privilege of pawning her and her living expenses off on someone else. “Is this how you see me?”
Post # 12
There are still some people who strongly and erroneously believe that it is the parents’ obligation and responsibility to pay for a daughter’s wedding, and that they should have “saved for it” or even finance it or raid retirement funds if necessary. That is insanity.
Many parents with the means do contribute or host, of course, but that is voluntary and one would hope comfortably within their means.Your future in-laws attempts at squeezing more money out from the other side are shameful.
Fiance needs to step up and tell them their criticisms of your parents are disrespectful and won’t be tolerated. He can inform them that contrary to their belief, traditionally a couple who is living independently and is financially self sufficient always paid for their own wedding and that your parents’ decisions and their means are, frankly none of their business.
My guess is that this comes from their unflattering belief that your parents can afford to help but are using them. They don’t want to see you spend the kind of money they don’t think you can “afford” to be spending at this stage of your life. Personally, I happen to think spending on a big ticket wedding IS unreasonable for many young couples.
If I were in your shoes, and Future In-Laws were being this disrespectful, I’d probably refuse their money and do something much smaller.