Post # 1
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
Hello Lady Bees –
I’m in the midst of serious turmoil and I seriously need some sound advice (and also some venting room). I will try not to be too wordy and I hope you all can follow me!
My fiancee and I plan to get married in April 2014. We are super excited but there are 2 things standing in our way 1. money and 2. confusion.
We are having a pretty small wedding but we keep going back and forth between having the dinner and the reception at once place with about 65 people OR having dinner at a restaurant in a private room and then having a private section at a popular lounge (this would be max 30 people). We are super laid back and chill and really dont want anything even remotely formal so both of these options work for us. Oh as an FYI this is going down in NYC (my hometown) and we are in Northern VA so it’s a destination wedding of sorts.
The cost differential is about $6k between the 2. Our dilemma comes into play because FI’s 30th birthday is in May and we have already booked a Mediterranean cruise for later in the month (leaving from Rome) so this will cost us a pretty penny as well. SO where does that leave us? Right here trying to decide what the best plan would be. If we do dinner/reception/party at one location, we can forget the honeymoon/birthday cruise.
Now this may sound really shitty but we (really I) don’t necessarily want to include a bunch of cheap people who will come to eat, drink and leave nothing for us in the end. I know this is selfish but hey I’m being honest about how I feel. I am really just getting back on my feet after being out of consistent work for over a year. I was able to pay bills but not save up for anything nor really treat myself. The LAST thing I want is to save up our collective coins to spend on anyone else other that my FI and our happiness. I would sooner have a really small event with people we really love and want to be there, expect nothing, have a fantastic time then take an awesome trip.
FI agrees for the most part but “feels bad” that people wont get to celebrate with us on OUR dime. Say what now? I said if that’s the case let them pay for themselves.
Am I a super bitch? Hell I already know how selfish and spoiled I can be but spending that kind of money on a bunch of people we don’t communicate with at least once a week doesn’t sit right with me – AT ALL.
Thoughts? Opinions? Rants? Don’t hold back, I can take it…
Post # 3
Member
4529 posts
Honey bee
@CocoClassic: I’m with you. We are doing a DW of sorts in FL and are going back and forth with having a large reception back in Texas for the same reason. We have our guest list for it, but as we were looking at it (and the cost), BF said “we don’t even SEE most of these people and, frankly, I don’t really care for several of them.”
So, we may be eliminating the big reception. There are a million other things we can spend that money on, and since we rarely hear from most of the list, I dont feel the need to spend money entertaining them.
Post # 4
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
@badabing88: That is exactly my point. FI’s family is big and they are all super close which I love but I’m like do all 10 of the children REALLY need to attend the wedding? And then we have the random friend here and there that’s supposed to come to the wedding and all I keep thinking is why? We are planning to get our STDs next month (I hate using the acronym STDs lol) since it’s technically a wedding out of town but we cant do ANYTHING until we decide what we are going to do and WHEN? I cannot believe I’m actually consdering pushing the wedding out till September.
Screw it – maybe we will just elope. As long as I can wear my beautiful gown and get amazing pics I’mg ood.
Post # 5
Member
2444 posts
Buzzing bee
@CocoClassic: you should invite people you love and want there. Whether or not they bring a gift should not even in the equation (IMO). I know it goes agaisnt etiquette not to bring a gift/card to a wedding, but i did not base my guest list on who would bring a gift. I choose not to judge someone for not showing up with a gift bc 1) that’s not what my wedding was about and 2) I dont know their financal situation .
I do understand your stress about money. I just had my wedding with 100 guests on a 7k budget. I’d be happy to PM you some tips that helped me save :).
Post # 6
Member
7730 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@CocoClassic: JMHO, but exactly who does your FI want to be included. I think that is where I’d start. Then the restaurant option seems fits best with what you want, based on the amount of guests (the people he “REALLY” wants to celebrate with–is this truly only 30 people, or will it be more?).
Post # 7
Member
4529 posts
Honey bee
@CocoClassic: We are going the “no children” route. Period, end of discussion. So no, I obviously do not think someones 10 kids need an invite.
Post # 8
Member
3699 posts
Sugar bee
Best decision we made was to keep it to immediate family and our closest of friends. For us that totalled 40 people at the wedding (including the us, keyboard player, photog, pastor, and his wife).
Post # 9
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
@trixiesrockets: You are right and again that was my honest selfishness coming into play. I’m a HUGE brat and I like presents lol. (hanging my head in mock shame) And ummm how in the blue balls hell did you manage to do a wedding for 100 people on a $7k budget? HECK YEA I need those tips! 
Please and thank you!
@creativeplannertobee: everyone and their mama. She (not He) has a HUGE family and still lives in the area she grew up in and doesnt want to offend folks that found out we got married and they didnt get an invite. Me personally I dont give a flying fig newton what anyon thinks. This is my wedding and I will invite who I want.
@badabing88: you got that right. Dotn get me wrong, her nephews and nieces are fantastic kids but WE are paying for them to attend, not their parents so the cost ends up on our lap. NO THANK YOU!
Post # 10
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
I’d go for the smaller lounge wedding, adults only. Don’t do anything where guests will have to pay for themselves lol!
Post # 11
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
@CocoClassic I went through the same excercise of all possible sizes and types of wedding. I ended up going for a slightly smaller (80 guests vs 150) so that we could have exactly what we wanted and not break the bank. I’m all for saving some money, especially if you want to put it torwards a nice honeymoon or a house, etc. I am not a huge crowd or party person, so I know I would be happier and less stressed with fewer people. Plus it’s more intimate and you can talk to everybody.
Post # 12
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
@VioletSky: That is so (enter the forbidden T word here) I know but hell if I dont deal with them like that why not make them pay for themselves lol?
@GeorgiaBride5: I completely understand and the FI isnt a big party person either and HATES being the ceter of attention so it baffles me as to why a big party is desired. *SIGH* All too much at times…
Post # 13
Member
27 posts
Newbee
I would recommend eloping if you don’t really care about all the people being there and want it to just be about you and your husband!
Post # 14
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
@wondermiche: I dont, she does so I have to consider her wishes as well…
Post # 15
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
@CocoClassic: hahaha well, i mean a 30 person list should cover all the A-listers, right? I got married 8 months ago and there’s already people who attended my 70-person wedding that I’ll never see again & wish weren’t in so many pictures! Big wedding = big $, time, drama, dedication, if you two aren’t really into it to begin with then planning a large wedding’s gonna suuuuck. Keep it small and then it can be extra awesome for the few who attend : )
Post # 16
Member
27 posts
Newbee
@CocoClassic: Oops, sorry- she not he! And yeah, I know how that goes! =) Good luck.
