(Closed) Wedding First, Legally Married after??

posted 6 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i will be in the minority probably, so speaking only for myself, i think that is totally fine. it’s not something you need to publicize but if i heard that this was/did happen i would completely understand why it went down the way it did. the economy sucks, and grad school can be so expensive!

i am starting my masters the fall after my wedding and i have definitely thought about how this will screw me over in the financial aid department. it’s a legit cioncern!

Post # 4
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

As long as you are open & honest with your friends & family, I don’t see a problem with it.  I might be a little peeved if I found out after the fact that the “wedding” I attended wasn’t a wedding at all, but if I knew about it, and understood your circumstances, I wouldn’t side eye it at all 🙂

Post # 5
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i think it also depends on “who is performing the ceremony”. If it is a preist or member of the clergy…. I think you will be married. If it is your friend or relative who is not legaly a person who performs weddings than you wouldnt “really be married”. YOU wouldnt get a marriage liscence or fill out any forms.

Post # 6
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you are married… in that you have a Wedding Ceremony at a Church with a member of the Clergy or with a Justice of the Peace elsewhere… then YES you are legally married.

If you want to have a big party / reception BEFORE you get married, you could certainly do that…

BUT many people would certainly find it “odd” to be invited to a Celebration of your Marriage which isn’t going to happen for another couple of months (January 2013)

And some folks will be hurt, and see it as a “sham” and they were deceived (not a great way to start out your married life with Friends & Family)

As an example, I’ve seen this happen in other situations, where things were reversed.  A B&G secretly got married BEFORE their much publicized BIG WEDDING, but still went ahead with the pretense that it was their Wedding Day.  As is usually the case with such “family secrets” word got out anywhere.  And many Guests were p!ssed that they were deceived… to the point, where folks didn’t come, or didn’t send gifts… lol, even a few asked the Mother of the Bride, for their gifts back !!

So ya, there can be a lot of fall out if you aren’t 100% honest with folks.

Obviously this is something you should have thought thru BEFORE you set the date.

I would say at this point in time, your only real solution is to sit down and figure out the cost of having the wedding in 2012 to you in real dollars (ie loss of the financial assistance) vs what you’d gain by post-poning the wedding into 2013 (keep financial assistance, but potentially lose your wedding deposits)

If you decide that the best solution is to go ahead and be married in 2013, then you need to send out notes to the Invitees informing them that due to circumstances (and you don’t have to explain it all) that the Wedding has been post-poned from the Fall of 2012, and is rescheduled for __(date)__ 2013, and confirm what the location is etc.

This solution will mean potentially less harsh feelings… (and really is the classy thing to do etiquette wise)… BUT it will of course maybe cause you a bit of inconvenience / embarrassment… BUT in the longrun folks will understand your reasons for the post-ponement.

IF it means that a BIG Wedding isn’t possible, and you have to stick with a Court House one followed then or later by a Celebratory Wedding Reception… so be it… that is all very kosher.

If you don’t know WHERE or WHEN you’ll hold it in 2013, then you need to let people know that more info will follow

PS… Talk to your venue etc, there is a good chance some of them will keep the deposits on the books for you even if you have to reschedule, so it might not be a total loss

Good Luck,

 

Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t see anything wrong with it, and I don’t think you need to share that information with your friends/family. It’s your business and not anyone elses. Finances should not be shared with your wedding guests. You should be able to find someone to perform the ceremony with no problem. As long as you two are okay with it, that is what matters (especially if you are paying for it).

 

Post # 8
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think that is totally fine. We are getting married legally the day after and even though my family gasps when I tell them this, I think of the legal part as just paperwork.  The real spiritual part is the wedding ceremony, legal or not.  You don’t have to tell anyone but just think of it that all the paperwork isn’t quite finished…

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