(Closed) wedding fund for a16yr – stupid idea???

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

love the idea. i really wish someone had cared enough to help me with my education after highschool and with wedding plans. that would be such a blessing to her. just make sure she knows its still a gift, and that there are expectations… ie for school it would be get good grades. for the wedding it might be done turn into a bridezilla. but that i think it a great idea.

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sounds like a completely unnecessary and absolutely wonderful idea 🙂

Post # 5
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Love the idea!

If only I had an aunt as wonderful and considerate as you!

Post # 6
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

I would advise against it at this time.  Or if you do so, do not inform her of it and/or put some very strict caveats around it (i.e. she can only use it if she is 25 or older and finished her education, etc).  She’s too young for you to know what sorts of men are going to come into her life and what sorts of life choices she might make.  My guy has two nieces (11 and 13) and the thing we keep stressing with them is to focus on school and being able to support yourself so that if life should present itself with unfortunate circumstances (death of a spouse, divorce), you are always able to support yourself.  I just wouldn’t want either of them thinking at 19 they could marry some deliquent bozo and the family would fund it.  Yes, I get that they could still do that as legal adults, but it certainly wouldn’t be with my hard-earned dollars.  That said, if they had completed their educations, were self-sufficient, met a nice guy and wanted to splurge a bit on wedding niceties and we were in a financial position to be able to indulge them, we’d be happy to do so.  They are very good, level headed kids with excellent relationships with their parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles so I’m hoping that the deliquent bozo possibly is an extremely rare one but… these days you never know.  

My parents actually discouraged me from getting married until I finished my grad school and I am SO thankful for it.  I ended up in a marriage where my ex cheated on me and I was able to kick him out without thinking twice because I had a good job and a lot of emotional support from family and friends.  It’s too easy when you are young to think that you love someone and they will be there forever to support you.   Sometimes life happens. 

Post # 8
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

okay i agree with sf_carrie– don’t tell her about it! It breeds too much expectation. You don’t want it coloring her decisions. Plus there may come a times when you need the money for an emergency. But I think that saving it and surprising her with it when she gets engaged is a great idea 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I actually think it would be nicer if you just saved up money for her to give as a gift, perhaps as a graduation gift upon completion of university. A wedding is not in every girl’s dreams or future. She may not get married until she’s 40 or not get married at all, or she may want to elope and not have a wedding at all. I think if you give her money you should give it to her when she is mature (which is why waiting until after college is probably a good idea) and with no strings attached. You could suggest that she might want to use it as a “wedding fund,” but if she would really rather go hike the Andes on it, isn’t that her choice to make? However, if she did choose to use it on something else, then you would have to make clear whether any other wedding funds would be forthcoming.

If you do want to pay for her wedding in particular, then I would keep the money a secret from her until she announces she’s engaged. Otherwise, it might create a weird scenario where she feels pressured to go on and get married, or she might feel hurt if she knows about the money but chooses not to marry, thus losing out on the money.

Still, this is a lovely gesture and I am sure that your niece will be really grateful someday. You sound like an awesome aunt!

Post # 10
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Great idea! Gives her a nice head start since weddings can often set a couple back financially.  

Post # 11
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think it is sweet.  I wish someone had done something like that for me.

Post # 12
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

Sweet, but puts tons of pressure on her.  What if she doesn’t get married?  What if she doesn’t want a wedding?

How about a “Future Fund?”  She could use the money for a downpayment on a house or graduate school, or something mutually agreed upon but not contingent upon her finding a husband and having a big party?

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s really nice….but how does your brother feel about that? I mean you’re kinda taking his thunder, right?

Why money only for the daughter? what about the 5 boys? it just sounds so…playing favorites?

I dunno, my aunt would never do something like this and my parents didn’t even pay for my own wedding, set aside money for another family member. If you can financially swing it, i think it’s wonderful but that maybe the “wedding” tag should come off. Maybe just make it a really lovely graduation gift. I mean you’re already paying for her education, that’s just amazing. my parents paid for mine (with some major stipulations lemme tell ya) but i would never expect to have a family memeber so generous =]. you are so kind!

Post # 14
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Actually in thinking about it further, I’m with Jocelyn and Chelseamorning on this.  A “future fund” is an awesome idea and a really nice way to support her dreams — whether it is a wedding, a house, further education, starting her own business. 

Post # 16
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oooo gotcha that makes sense. It’s always right to be fair, at the very least.

I think it’s really lovely that you and your husband can provide for your nieces and nephews financially and help them out.

I will say this…don’t let her know “too much” about all the things. Sometimes it can make one feel entitled or like they don’t have to work “as hard” for themselves knowing they have a nice cushy life coming their way. My parents are always telling me i won’t have to work in my 40’s and i can retire on my inheritance and blah blah blah and it makes it hard to stay motivated FOR ME sometimes (cuz i don’t want to rely on mommy and daddy for my success, ya know? i’m trying to do the “i don’t need it” thing), when i have them telling me this all the time. Sort of crushes my ambitions and it’s almost like saying “you don’t have to work, why bother? it’s pointless, you’re wasting your time” and it kind of takes the wind out of my sails. They like to tell me my engineers’ salary is pennies basically, when it’s not! Well maybe to them but hey i’m 23 =].

Long story short, so while it’s nice to have financial help (and i’m grateful for a lot of things dont’ get me wrong, i think my parents are just very strange about their money sometimes, trust me), sometimes it is a double edged sword and it may be best to keep this “Fund” for her secretly, so it’s nothing more than a lovely surprise, not something she “expects”….does that make sense???

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