(Closed) "Wedding Gift Amount Deemed Insufficient"

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What do you think is an appropriate monetary gift for the bride and groom?
    Just get them something off their registry and no cash : (73 votes)
    24 %
    Less than $100 : (57 votes)
    18 %
    $100 range : (123 votes)
    40 %
    $200 range : (43 votes)
    14 %
    $300 range : (8 votes)
    3 %
    $400 range : (2 votes)
    1 %
    $500 range : (1 votes)
    0 %
    $600 range : (0 votes)
    $700 range : (0 votes)
  • Post # 47
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I was more disturbed by her grammar than anything else.  “Mike’s and I wedding”…what the hell.  Go back to high school.

    Post # 48
    866 posts
    Busy bee

    @classyashley:  I don’t understand that idea, why would your friend who throws a back yard bbq weddng deserve less of your money? I would think it would go more by your relationship with the person and how much you want to gift them.

    Post # 49
    1669 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    There won’t be any cover charge at my wedding. I am not expecting any monetary gifts and am throwing the wedding I can afford.

    Also, a wedding reception is a party that the hosts (whoever that may be) throw to thank the guests for attending the ceremony. I think its laughable to expect any guest to pony up a certain amount to cover anything. 

    Where I’m from, most people just bring a card to the reception (without money!) and sometimes will buy a gift from the registry – which they may or may not even bring to the wedding.

    I am sure some people will be very generous at my wedding. I am sure some people will not be able to do anything but a card. They are all welcome to celebrate with us because we love them and we deemed them close enough to us to invite to our wedding. 

    I would feel like a very poor hostess indeed if anyone ever felt they could not give a big enough gift to warrant attending my wedding. That sort of thinking is just a complete loss of sight as to what a wedding, the start of a marriage, should be about.

    Post # 50
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @BlondeMissMolly:  +1.

    Weddings are not always a ton of fun.  I’ve been to many large ones stag, noone is friendly, and I feel like I’m intruding on something personal.  Then again, my own family weddings have seemed silly at times too.

    As an (ahem) older bride, I’d be mortified if any of my guests felt they should in any way cover their costs.  I think parents of the couple should approach it in the same way. 

    I’m not expecting a thing from any of our travelling guests.  Our wedding is at the height of tourist season and I feel a little ashamed knowing how much the travel and hotel costs will be to them.

    I can’t believe the Huffington Post would waste ink on this.  Mostly because I don’t think People Magazine or US Weekly would.


    Post # 51
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have never heard of “cover your plate” before Wedding Bee. I think it’s utter bullshit. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: If I want to go out to a nice dinner, I will, but I don’t expect to get the tab delivered to me at the end of a wedding reception. Don’t host a party beyond your means.


    ETA: Not to mention, if I’ve requested time off work ($ lost), travelled ($ for travel and lodging), bought a dress to attend your blessed event, I’m already in it for some serious coin. Which I have and would happily do for a friend! But an ingrate like the story? I’ll save my money and reply “NO”


    Post # 52
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My FI’s mom made me read that. I cracked up. We’re having a fairly low-budget wedding because we both agree that it’s not the wedding but the marriage that counts. Our biggest expense is food because we think it’s important to feed people, but between food and drinks I doubt we are spending more than $30/pp. If people bring/give gifts, great… but we would be OK if they don’t/can’t, or if they give us something modest or something off our registry. We are throwing the party because we want to celebrate, not because we’re expecting to come out ahead financially.

    Post # 54
    1695 posts
    Bumble bee

    @JackiBean:  And, in fact, I think this is very much where the idea comes from.

    Formal social events have become quite rare in day-to-day life. Most people’s only exposure to formality is the pseudo-formality of business conventions and charity fundraisers. So they follow that model when they try to plan a formal event of their own. Hence we have invitations that have ballooned into registration packages complete with hotel block booking and tourism guides; with advance advertising in the form of save-the-date cards.  And of course a registration fee.

    Post # 55
    4866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Just to clarify for those who are not familiar with the “cover your plate” etiquette/culture


    this is just plain ass rude. 

    Post # 56
    4802 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    That is horrible!  I would never, ever prefer that someone NOT come to my wedding just because they couldn’t afford to get me the gift they assumed I was looking for.  I invited you because I want you to share my day with me.  And I planned my wedding assuming that I was paying for it, not expecting it to be paid by my guests. 

    For what it’s worth, $100 is a super nice gift by my standards.  I would be blown away if any couple (even close friends) gave me $400, which is what this bride was expecting.

    Post # 57
    13544 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think the bride was incredibly inappropriate.  In my circle, $100 is below-average for a wedding gift, but I really didn’t care what we were gifted, I just wanted my nearest and dearest there to celebrate. 

    Post # 58
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @JackiBean:  I would rather have the person hand no gift! if anyone decided not to come because they couldn’t afford travel and a gift, or any gift, I’d be heart broken. People first!

    Post # 59
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @JackiBean:  Yes, I’m in New York and it’s definitely very common here, and I believe in NJ and other parts of New England as well I think (at least Connecticut and parts of Massachusetts).

    Post # 60
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

     Wow.  Just… wow, at this post.  Not just the article, but that some people AGREE with it?  What the absolute hell?!?


    If “cover your plate or don’t go” was a thing, my wedding would’ve been empty.  I would never expect my friends & family to empty their wallets just because Darling Husband and I had the means to throw a nice event.


    Weddings are NOT A fundraiser for the couple’s future.  That’s appalling to me that people think that it is.  Weddings are, you know, a wedding!  You are marrying someone you love!  And you invite friends & family to join you, because you love them too and want to share this special event with them!  And you host a reception to THANK THEM FOR COMING.  And MAYBE they give a gift because its a special event and they love you.  End of transaction.  Its about love, not money.  Holy crap on a cracker.

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