"Wedding Gift Amount Deemed Insufficient"

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What do you think is an appropriate monetary gift for the bride and groom?
    Just get them something off their registry and no cash : (73 votes)
    24 %
    Less than $100 : (57 votes)
    18 %
    $100 range : (123 votes)
    40 %
    $200 range : (43 votes)
    14 %
    $300 range : (8 votes)
    3 %
    $400 range : (2 votes)
    1 %
    $500 range : (1 votes)
    0 %
    $600 range : (0 votes)
    $700 range : (0 votes)
  • Post # 77
    Member
    3823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Principessa Bunny:  if they are doing the right thing (which seems to be priority in your world) then they should pay for a wedding they can afford. paying for a wedding is not a group effort between bride, groom, and guests. starting off your new life should be just that – starting off AFTER the wedding – not going backwards to pay debt from a wedding. 

    and like many others have said, i respect your opinion but to expect $400 from everyone is a bit unrealistic. it’s a wedding, not traffic court.

    Post # 79
    Member
    3370 posts
    Sugar bee

    @JackiBean:  Well after some pointing out of the obvious favoritism his parents decided he can have their retirement home after they die. It’s no where big enough for a family to live in and as it stands Mother-In-Law plans to live to be 1000 years old. It was a bullshit suffice. Doesn’t matter to me anymore as we’re divorced now. But it was just a huge statement about they way they feel about him and the way he was treated his entire life. It confuses me, why would you adopt a child out of the goodness of your heart only to show him how 2nd rate he is his entire life? I guess his biggest problem was that he was never good at learning his place.

    ETA: You can also see how they treated 2nd SIL, as punishment for living in sin. They actually took that $25,000 they charged her for grandma’s house and directly gave it to Brother-In-Law to fix up his house.

    Post # 80
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m astounded that someone could be SO rude!!! Maybe it’s different in the UK but I’ve never taken much notice of the ‘cover your plate’ rule. I mean…come on! We looked at some expensive venues for our wedding where you’d probably be looking at £150 per person (expensive for the UK if you exclude all extras) but ultimately decided to go with something more mid range that we could AFFORD. Sure we’d all love to get married at some spectacular venue and have champagne on tap (I dreamily looked at The Langham in London…sigh…) but there’s no point doing this if you can’t afford it yourself. Your guests are your *guests* – this isn’t some ticketed event. If you host a dinner party you buy the food and drink and if someone brings a bottle of wine then you appreciate it but you’re not sitting there at the end of the night waiting for everyone to pay for their food. You are the HOST for heavens sake! 

    I want my guests to have an amazing time, to enjoy the food, the drink and most of all their company. We’re not asking for cash as we’re moving house soon so are going to have a gift list if anyone wants to buy us anything – if someone buys us a £10 towel then I’ll take it in good spirits and be thankful they bought us something, no matter how small. If a guest doesn’t get us any gift but gives us a card or even just shows up and helps us celebrate that will be enough for me. 

    I’ve attended friends weddings whilst I was working for no pay/low pay so couldn’t afford to ‘cover my plate’  but I’ve always given a token amount and card to show my thanks for inviting me. I’d hope they accepted this gift in good faith, I’d be really upset if they had the same attitude as this lady. My lack of funds wasn’t an indication of how happy I was for my friends or how much I appreciated the invite and enjoyed sharing their day. 

    A wedding is about marrying the person you love, and I truly believe if this is the case the gift/cash situation wouldn’t bother you. It would be enough that you were marrying the person you love and any gifts on top of that would be a bonus. If we couldn’t afford our mid range wedding we’d go down the local registry office and then have the reception at our house!! 

    Post # 81
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    That article is ridiculous.  A wedding is to celebrate someones love…their commitment for each other.  Gifts and money are not the priority!  It bothers me that there are so many people that feel that inviting someone to their wedding automatically entitles them to a gift…or that they have the right to tell someone what is not a good enough gift. 

    A friend of mine asked her friend about bringing a guest for her (the friends) wedding.  The friend responded that dinner was $150 a plate, so they would require a minimum of $150 gift JUST from her guest.  I was so livid!  People, this is ridiculous!  My friend would have been happy with a “sorry, you can’t bring a guest” or “sure” or “let me get back to you” but to make it clear that the only reason you want people there is for MONEY? I’m sorry, but the fact our society is this obsessed with how much money you’re gonna get…or what gifts you WANT instead of the idea of this is celebration and love and commitment is DISGUSTING. Yes, presents is nice.  Yes, its nice to get money…you can use it towards the honeymoon, or the house, or whatever.  But to expect it and rub it in like that? I mean seriously, she’s lucky she got $100.  Not everyone has money growing off trees…what happened to appreciating friend and gifts?  It shouldn’t be the monetary value, but the thought put into it.

    Post # 82
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I think this is ridiculous. All of our guests were important to us and they all come from a different financial position. We aren’t “charging” our guests a gift based on the price of dinner. If our friends would like to give a gift, we’d gladly accept whatever they can afford/think is appropriate. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    3016 posts
    Sugar bee

    @JackiBean:  THE HECK?????

    who does that?!!? OMG I cant believe anyone would actually write that. People get plenty of gifts they dont like at weddings (4 ugly salad bowls maybe, but you still say thank you!) And its cash?! How rude to say its not enough.

    Your guests are not supposed to help you pay for your reception. That is the wedding couples choice to spend $200 a person, not your guests. I have attended weddings before where all I could afford was less than $20 (college student living alone, own car, suporting self through school) and I went to the dollar store or walmart and got a cute frame with hearts or a quote about love. Candle holders, home decor. Just small things, tried to make them meaningful presents but you do what you can do when on a budget.

    Post # 84
    Member
    3016 posts
    Sugar bee

    @UsagiTsukino:  I know! I would have replied

    “then you shouldn’t have had a wedding you couldn’t afford” So rude to ask people to cover your costs.

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