Post # 1
After saying many times that I would go to my friend’s wedding that was hosted out of state, I found out that it would not be possible because the only hotel reservation availaibility we got ended up falling right on the wedding date. I had to choose between our one year anniversary trip to Cancun or to fly out of state for their wedding.
We chose Cancun. I felt really bad, and as soon as I knew we weren’t going to make it (one month before the RSVP deadline), I wrote them an apology, which I sent with a greeting card, the RSVP and a $200 check.
I met with the couple after they received everything, before the wedding, and they seemed really grateful and they understood our situation.
It has been 3 months since I sent the check, they got married about a month ago. The check was never deposited. My husband and I simply hate to have money flying around and I would really appreciate if they could deposit it sooner than later.
Is it rude to ask them to deposit it? What would you do in my place?
Post # 3
They probably aren’t going to deposit it. I didn’t know, but people do this. I recently starting getting wedding gifts in the mail and we recieved a card and check from an really sweet elderly friend of my fiance’s parents. When I told them about it and how lovely the card was, my FMIL was like, “Oh, that is so nice, but we would never deposit the check, they don’t have alot of money”. I thought it would be very rude, like turning down a gift, not to mention screwing up a bank acct balance, but I guess some people think it is ok not to cash checks….?
Post # 4
A lot of people don’t deposit wedding gifts until after the wedding (just in case) so I would only consider it 1 month late.
They could be changing names or merging accounts so it may take a little while. Maybe wait until 3 months after the wedding to ask them?
Post # 5
@lelamtts: I’m an upfront person so id call in a chipper voice 🙂 “hey guys, we were balancing our checking account and noticed that check is still un cashed. Do you know when you’ll deposit it?”
Personally, I procrastinate. So if a friend called and told me that I’d be like “oh! I’ll go this week!”
Post # 6
I wouldn’t myself cash any of the cheks until I finished my thank you notes. It took me three weeks to finish everything. Maybe they’re still sorting out things from their wedding.
Post # 7
@lelamtts: I agree with the poster who says you should be upfront — never hurts to ask! Maybe they’ve forgotten and will appreciate the reminder, maybe they don’t want to cash such a large check and will appreciate the go-ahead, or maybe they’re just waiting until the wedding and will be pleased to hear that they should enjoy an early gift.
Post # 8
I would ask. Perhaps it was misplaced as they got it before the wedding and didn’t want to cash it before the actual wedding date. If you didn’t post date it you should certainly mention it as it will eventually become stale dated (usually 6 months for personal cheques) and then they won’t be able to cash it.
Post # 9
We couldn’t cash a bunch of checks because we didn’t have an account in both our names when we got married! We had to add me on, and it made more sense to add my married name, so we wound up waiting until after we got the marriage certificate!
I’d give them another month.
Post # 10
Eh, I’d find it kinda annoying if you called me and told me to cash the check. It’s my gift – I can do with it what I want! As long as you received a thank you note and know they received it, don’t call.
Post # 11
This is a pet peeve of mine. I hate outstanding checks and I am in the same position now. I gave a check in August and it still hasn’t been cashed. I hate having to hold a sizable amt of money aside in by banking. I prefer to give cash just for this reason but just feel cash could disappear. I hope they are not waiting to write their thank you notes. I would much rather they cash the check right way. If not cashed this week, I’m going to ask. I’ll be seeing the B&G next weekend.
About a year ago, I mailed a college graduation gift which was never cashed. I contacted the graduates mother via facebook to see if the check was received. She must have thought I was fishing for a thank you because that’s what I got. In fact I wanted the check cashed. Six months later I put a stop on the check. I told her mother when I saw her that I put a stop on the check so don’t try to cash it. She said “Oh graduates father” never gave her the check (graduate lives in another state). 🙁
Post # 12
It’s their gift, they should be able to cash it at their convenience.
If $200 is going to mess up your bank account balance, you probably shouldn’t have given such a large gift. Just my two cents.
Post # 13
It’s been 3 months since you mailed the check? You can only deposit a check within 90 days of the date. Did you date it?
Honestly, I would call them and make sure they got it. Just say you were balancing your checkbook when you realized that the check was never deposited and you want to make sure they received it. But, I really think it’s too late at this point for anything to happen with that check, confirm with your bank and if what I”m saying is true, consider it that they didn’t accept your gift? Maybe they felt bad accepting such a generous gift from someone who wasn’t coming.
Post # 14
I’m bad at this. Some checks we didnt cash for almost 6 months after our wedding! Oops!
I’m the type of person that doesnt care if money is “out there”. If I write a check, its because I can afford to spend it, so whether someone cashes is in a week or a year, it doesnt matter to me. I’ll have the money.
I would think a phone call to them, would be a bit tacky.
Post # 15
@futuremrsk18: It’s actually 180 days until it’s staledated, unless otherwise noted on the check (for example: “Void after 90 days”)…some financial institutions will still deposit stale dated checks though! surprisingly.
OP, I’d agree that calling isn’t necessary yet…if you hit 3 months after the wedding and still haven’t received a note or the cleared check, then maybe a quick “just wanted to make sure my card and gift wasn’t lost in the mail” or something of the effect.
I can’t imagine calling & asking them to cash a check. But I grew up where you never mentioned the word “check” or “cash” in a thank you note, you always called everything a “gift.” So I’d have to call and say “can you cash my gift?” lol!
Post # 16
@soontobemrsm11: Interesting, I could have sworn my bank said they wouldn’t take a check older than 90 days, I assumed that was the rule but perhaps that’s just THEIR rule. I would say in that case, you need to ask them about it. I think it’s really rude when people don’t deposit a check right away, to be honest. Even if it’s given before the wedding, they should deposit it and hold the money until after the wedding – just in case something happens and they need to return the gift. Therefore, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with calling them to make sure they received the check and will be depositing it.