Post # 1
Did you receive a check before the wedding that was your wedding gift? If so, what did you do with it?
My fiance and I received a wedding gift check for $500 from a family friend, trice removed (it is a friend of a friend of a friend if you can understand that). The wedding isn’t for another month and (this person is invited) so I feel horrible/greedy for cashing it already. Aside from sending a very heartfelt thank you note, I am just going to have the money sit in our joint account until the wedding. My primary friend said to expect more from the rest of her family and friends because they send their gifts early because of etiquette (not bringing gifts to the wedding). I have never heard of people sending checks before the wedding though and now I feel weird that all of this money is coming before the wedding.
Post # 3
@armychica06: Cash the check as soon as possible. It may seem weird to cash it before the wedding, but it is proper check etiquette so you don’t accidentally mess up their bank account.
Post # 4
Definitely cash it now. I keep minimal balance in my checking account, so a $500 cheque that doesn’t get cashed right away would definitely be at risk of bouncing later if I forgot it was out there after a month.
Post # 5
From a strictly Etiquette POV, it SHOULD NOT be cashed before the Wedding (because like any other Wedding Present, it is meant not to be used before the Marriage is official… and would have to be returned if for some reason the Wedding doesn’t go ahead)
Although not nearly as popular as it once was…
In some places there is also the tradition of displaying the Wedding Gifts (usually at the the Parents of the Bride’s Home)
In this instance… when it comes to cheques, money or Gift Certificates… then a “List of Generous Givers” can be compiled… made up entirely of names… without any references to money amounts. And the Gift Givers Wedding Cards can also be displayed.
OR display the Cheques in such a way as the amounts cannot be seen, and they are secure, and cannot be disturbed by those coming to view the Gifts (such as nosy relatives & neighbours)
For the record… the first option is usually regarded as the most secure / sensible one.
Hope this helps,
YA it kind of sucks to have this money lieing around… and not fully accounted for … but it is the proper way to do things.
NOTE – Etiquette Reference here is the Post Institute of Etiquette, and in particular Peggy Post’s Book “Wedding Etiquette”
Post # 6
You should do whatever you want it. My only advice is to cash it now, because it’s horrible when you wait a long time and they may forget or figure you already cash it, and may cause confusions or issues with their account. Perhaps you can send a quick message or thank you note
Post # 7
Definitely cash it ASAP — it’s proper check courtesy, even if that clashes with “wedding gift” courtesy. Also, it’s the safest thing to do with such a generous gift! You don’t want to have anything happen to it. The bank is the safest place for it. 🙂
Post # 8
I hate writing a check that gets deposited 2-3months later and while I remember for the first month to expect the money to come out.. I forgot to keep looking for it after that and then bam.
Plus, youd think they’d expect you to if they’re sending it before.I see why you feel funny about it, but I think you’re fine!
Post # 9
I may seem weird to “use” a gift before the wedding but when it’s a check the person is probably waiting for it be cashed to know that it got there safely and for some people if you cash it late when they aren’t expecting it you could cause a nasty surprise in their finances.
Post # 10
I would cash it now because once I write a check I hate waiting for it to be cashed. Several people in my family sent us checks before the wedding because they knew that we were paying for the wedding ourselves and they wanted us to have it in case we needed it. This person knows when the wedding is and sent it to you on purpose.
A couple I know waited to cash all their checks together after the wedding and one elderly aunt died before she cashed it. How awkward would that be?
Post # 11
Maybe you could write a thank you card now for them and add something like, I hope you don’t mind I cashed it right away so as not to cause you trouble with your bank. I have put it away for savings for our first house (or whatever) and your generosity is a great help to us.”
Post # 12
Agree with fzesguer: … it does seem like a reasonable compromise in this almost money-less age of on-line banking and all.
I think that Miss Manners & Emily Post would probably agree too.
Post # 13
We let them sit there, if you like. Then cashed them all at once after the wedding.
Post # 14
@fzesguer: I just wrote my thank you card and put that line in. Thanks!