Post # 1
So I know just posting this is going to come off pretentious but was a bit confused on what to do.
Last year I got married and my friend attended my bridal shower with no gift. Her bf, also a friend, both came to the wedding apparently later but didn’t tell us so we paid for 2 extra heads. They didn’t get us a gift or even a card.
They are getting married and we won’t be able to attend because now live overseas. Do we get them a gift? If so how much? Or is it rude to just get a card and send them our best wishes? I don’t ever expect a gift and it’s not about the gift but I was genuinely hurt there was not even a card or note.
Post # 2
I would say no gift and no card. I know ppl says it’s not about the gift but she could of at least given you something small considering she had 3 ppl at your wedding that ate and drank for free.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t bother with anything for them in your shoes. If they couldn’t be arsed why should you?
Post # 4
Gifts aren’t a trade off. You don’t just get someone a gift in order to get a gift yourself. If you’d like to celebrate with them, send a card or a gift. But don’t not send one just on the basis that they did’t get you anything. Very reminiscent of 10 year olds.
Post # 5
I agree with winstonchurchill… But I don’t know why you would want to celebrate with people who could be that inconsiderate! I vote no gift/card.
Post # 6
@winstonchurchill I agree its not a trade off.
I’m leaning more to a card with a lovely letter stating that we’ll have to celebrate when we come back to town. Just didn’t want them to be offended if we don’t get them a gift.
Post # 7
I’d send a card. A gift (or card) should be from your heart.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2015 - Hanover Grande Ballroom
i agree its not a trade off, but if they did not have a gift or even a well wish for you, I dont know that I would waste my time putting any effort into either for them.
Post # 9
I would send them a nice card and call it a day. It’s not like they can get mad at you for not giving them a gift!
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
that’s a great plan. If you are not attending, you are under no requirement to give a gift. Hell, you aren’t ‘required’ to bring one even if you are (but a card is nice).
So regardless of whether or not they attended your wedding with or without a gift (and I suggest not keeping score of such thongs)…you are under no obligation to gift for their event that you are not attending.
I do think a card with the intent of meeting up once you get back is a nice idea and also leaves your conscience clear.
Post # 11
Send a card, no gift.
Gifts shouldn’t be a trade off, but in practice, you also shouldn’t reward inconsiderate friends. I’m not calling them inconsiderate because of the gift situation, btw, but rather because of them showing up late with no card or note.
Treat people like how they treat you.
Post # 12
I agree that gifts aren’t tit for tat. However, since you are not attending the wedding you are under no obligation to send them a gift. So I would send a card and buy them dinner sometime after the wedding.
Post # 13
I would take the high road and buy a lovely card and enclose a gift card. They will remember your generosity and you have the satisfaction of knowing that you and your SO have class. 😉
Post # 14
Real question: Why are you concerned about offending people who clearly didn’t have the same concern about you? I vote card, but no gift.
Post # 15
Wedding gift etiquette is exactly the same for a couple who did not send you a wedding gift, as it is for a couple who did send you a wedding gift. Anything else would be mercenary and consumerist, and etiquette never stoops so low.
Etiquette requires that, as soon as you find out that an acquaintance is being married, that you send them a note of congratulations: a note (not a gift, not a “card”) preferably on your personal engraved stationary, although if you have relatively few such notes to write you can buy a single blank card in which to write your note. Beyond that, proper etiquette holds that gift-giving is an intimate act appropriate only to close friends and that therefore, no-one should assume that a gift will be welcome even if overcome with the generous urge to send one. A wedding invitation serves as notice that a gift will be accepted — if one wishes to send one — not as an invoice requiring that one be sent.
However, if one does receive an invitation and one does choose to send a gift, the gift should be sent to the bride’s home prior to the wedding; or to the couple’s home shortly after the wedding, and there should be no connection between the gift and attendance at the couple’s reception that would imply you were buying your way in to the party by the value of your gift.