Post # 1
This is how I’ve been doing it. Someone please tell me if I’ve got it wrong!
The wedding invitation arrives. I send in my RSVP. I check the registry, order my gift, either have it shipped or bring it to the shower. Sign card from self and fiance. Wedding comes, arrive pretty much empty handed.
If I give a gift off the registry and give it at the shower, that’s our wedding gift to them, isn’t it?
Thanks in advance.
Post # 3
Aych… not quite. The point of showers is to set up the new couple with a well-equipped household. Typically a shower gift is distinct from a wedding gift and a person invited to both events would bring a present to each one. If you don’t wish to bring a present or can’t afford to, a nice card is always a good approach. I think some acknowledgement of the wedding should take place, even if it’s just a card.
Post # 4
I believe that pp is correct with regards to etiquette, but I’m with you on practicalities. I think it’s asking too much for guests to provide multiple gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to give gifts but I despise expectations. Maybe for the shower you can do something small (even homemade) with a heartfelt note that shows effort … but doesn’t break the bank.
Post # 5
I’ve seen people post things on here about gifts never being required – even for weddings! – but I simply do not agree.
If you are invited and attend a shower of any kind the point is to partake in giving gifts. These gifts do not have to be expensive or elaborate. I’ve known friends who were strapped for cash who gave a pair of herb shears and a potted herb as a shower gift to a bride who loved herbs – that gift was less than $15. When If you can not even afford to give anything at the shower, than the polite thing to do is decline the invite. If you do not attend a shower, etiquette dictates you do not need to send a gift. You can if you wish, but it is not expected.
If you are invited to a wedding (attending or NOT attending) you send a gift. Again, I think you should always do what you can afford. Thoughtful is always a nice way to go if you can’t get something off a registy. Once in college I had very little money to spend on a wedding gift. I bought a frame off her registry that was very inexpensive but I put a beautiful picture of the bride and groom in it and sent it festively wrapped to the couple – they loved it! The whole point of these events is to celebrate – part of that is offering some kind of token, at each event. Everyone can afford to give something, at the very least a card, which is why I think it is incredibly rude to show up and give nothing.
Obviously, you simply didn’t know, and had the best intentions. I feel one can’t be blamed for that! I love that you took the initiative to even ask 🙂 I find that the Emily Post site is very helpful when I’m unsure what to do for various situations (wedding and non-wedding alike!)http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/weddings.htm Cheers!
Post # 6
Thanks so much for the responses, and the reassurances! In hindsight, it makes sense. I’m not sure why I had that misimpression, as I’m really a very bright person. 🙂 Maybe not within the realm of etiquette, though…
Today is her wedding. She’s very old friend of mine. We date back to the 8th grade. So, what I’ll probably do is purchase a smaller gift from her registry on the way to the ceremony and give it to them so that they have something from us today. And later, when she’s back from her honeymoon, I will explain to her that due to my general lack of knowledge, the shower gift I gave was intended to be her wedding gift, and so the gift we’re giving today really should have been a shower gift. She’ll understand, and she’ll probably find it funny.
And I’ll walk away feeling good about it, and knowing how to proceed in the future.
Post # 7
What I’ve done in the past, is that I gave a less expensive wedding shower gift and then something really nice and more expensive for the wedding! Both items were still on the registry. I do think that you need to give gifts at both events if you do attend.
And even when I don’t attend a wedding that I was invited to, I still send a gift.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
I ditto what jingle96 said. I’ll do less expensive registry gifts for any showers, and then a big boom registry present for the wedding gift.
Post # 9
That is my preference to when giving – a smaller gift for the shower, bigger gift for the wedding. But in this case, since you didn’t realize you were giving two gifts, I think it is completely fine to do the reverse. I don’t even think you need to explain it to her, but if you think she would find it funny and you want to, than do. You may just want to buy it online and have it shipped to her, so they don’t have to worry about transporting gifts after the wedding. You can take a card with you that explains your gift is on the way. Have a wonderful time at the wedding!
Post # 10
The shower and the wedding are two separate celebrations therefore two gifts are customary. I usually do cash or something a little nicer for the wedding gift and choose something inexpensive for the shower.
Also — never show up empty handed. Always give a card even if you cant afford/choose not to give a gift