Post # 1
This is a little embarrassing for me, but I’m just trying to gather as many opinions as possible. I’m just wondering what the typical expectations are of a wedding gift from a bridesmaid? I know there are so many different factors to take into consideration so here’s a bit about my situation.
This is my first time being a bridesmaid and I’m really not sure how much I should be giving as a gift. As a bridesmaid, are you “expected” to give more? Or is less understandable considering all of the other expenses along the way?
Just for reference, this is a pretty large and lavish (ie: expensive) affair. I’m not sure how much one plate is but I’m sure it’s at least $100, possibly more. The bridesmaids put in $100 each for the shower gift and $50 each for the centerpieces. We also paid for the brides bachelorette weekend (hotel, food, drinks etc) We paid for our dresses and accessories (at least $300) and are paying for our own hair and makeup. I have extremely limited finances and never was really in any type of postion to be a bridesmaid and the bride knows this very well but still wanted me to be a part of it. I have been there for her helping out in any ways I can and have tried to extend myself through thoughtful gestures and doing favors and running errands etc. She’s a dear friend and has been great throughout the whole planning process and I just wish I were able to give a more generous wedding gift. I think the best I can do is $200 ($250 if I really push it) The wedding is in 2 weeks and the fact that it’s rght after the holidays makes it even more difficult. From everyone I’ve asked, $200 seems to be the “standard” attending guest gift amount (I’m single and not bringing a date) but I’m not sure if that’s cheap considering we’re good friends. The thing is, the bride isnt the type of person who would be offended, but I’m still concerned. I wish I had a way of finding out what the other bridesmaids are giving, but I’m not good enough friends with them to feel comfortable asking them (not to mention I would feel pretty tacky if I did!)
Sorry ths turned out to be such a long post, I’ll cut it off now but I would appreciate any input!
Post # 3
@cookiecrumbs26: First off, I just want to say it sounds like your an awesome BM. IMHO, after all you’ve spent $200 seems a bit extreme. I would go w/ something simple off their registry and be done with it.
Post # 4
Aww well thank you so much for saying that I really have been trying to be as helpful and attentive as possible and the bride (and mother of the bride) have expressed their appreciation on several occasions which is great but I still don’t want my wedding gift to the couple to seem stingy in comparison to the other people in the bridal party. And I’m sure they understand I’m not simply being cheap, I just am on a ridiculously tight budget, but for some reason I just feel really bad giving any less than what’s typically “expected”
And I definitely had thought of getting something nice off their registry but they’re actually almost completely cleaned out. The bride had a really big shower and basically all that’s left are a random handful of knick-knacks which are worth $20 and under so I feel like $$ is my only real option.
Post # 5
I didn’t expect any gifts from the wedding party. I assumed what they had spent for attire, accessories, and parties was enough.
Post # 6
Money is tight for my MOH, she’s already offered that she wants to make the wedding slideshow for me.. SOOO sweet. I gave her a list of family and friends who would have pictures and she’s contacting all of them and getting it put together… I’ll see it the day of the wedding!
When I was an attendant, I lived far away, so I had already flown back for the Bachelorette/shower, bought the dress, makeup, nails, and paid for my now FI and I to come for the wedding (I think it was at least $1500 in w/o wedding gift) so I just got her a “token” but meaningful gift… I replaced the cutting board I had melted in her oven. Long story. 🙂
Post # 7
Spend less! you bought a dress, right? Totally okay to not give a huge expensive gift. Just BEING a bridesmaid is a ridiculous cost!
Post # 8
I’d give the couple what you would if you were a really close friend attending the wedding. Meaning, while I know you’ve spent a ton of money being a bridesmaid, I think you still give a gift that’s comparable to what you would have normally given. What you are thinking is incredibly generous and IF you can afford it, then gift accordingly.
Also – I don’t think a $200 gift would be considered stingy on any level. Don’t think about what others might be giving – just give a gift that you are both able to afford and deem appropriate.
Post # 9
I think you give what you can afford. I have a maid who is very limited for spending. If she gave me a framed picture from walmart with a well written card that’d mean a lot. It doesn’t have to be about money *especially* since she’s shelled out quite a bit along the way… If my broke maid gave me 200 bucks I’d be a little aprehensive actaully becasue I’m WELL aware of her situation.
Post # 10
My bridesmaids are paying for their dresses and are coming to the bachelorette party in New Orleans. I do not expect them to get me a wedding gift on top of all of that!
Yeah and $200 is usually what I spend on a gift when I’m not in the wedding. Definitely, definitely not stingy.
Post # 11
I dont think you really have to give her a money gift. I think if it would make you feel better give her $100. Remember, its not the BMs job to give more because the bride and groom decide to have an expensive wedding. You have done enough and Im sure she would be greatful with what you give.
Post # 12
What a considerate bridesmaid you are! I’m in a similar boat… I have never been a bridesmaid before, and I’m a bit (actually a lot) strapped for money. I have three weddings coming up, in one of which I am a bridesmaid and in another I’m the Maid of Honor! I’m not a BM in the third wedding, but it’s a destination wedding in the Caribbean so it’ll be pricey no matter what. Phew.
Since I can’t afford to buy three expensive gifts (nevermind just one! haha), I’m planning on choosing something small from the registry and otherwise offering my services to do whatever I can to help beyond what BMs are expected to do. I’m designing the save-the-dates for one bride and making decorations for another’s reception. It’s a lot of work but it’s been rewarding so far!
I also really like the idea of framing a photograph you took of the bride and groom, or something similar. Put your creative mind to good use! Something you put work into will likely be very special to your bride, and much more heartfelt than anything you could buy her and her fiance.
If you do buy something, $200 seems above and beyond what you should spend. I’m sure your bride will understand these tough economic times. Plus you’ve already put hundreds of dollars into her celebration. I doubt the thought would even cross her mind that you should have done/spent/bought more. She’ll just be happy you were there to make her day extra wonderful.
Best of luck!
Post # 13
Whether or not I’ve spent money to be in a wedding party has no bearing on what I spend on a wedding gift. Choosing to accept the offer to be a bridesmaid brings on additional expenses ON TOP OF the wedding gift, not INSTEAD of the wedding gift, IMO.
Honestly, I probably actually spend a little more on a gift when I’m a member of the wedding party because if I’m close enough to someone that they’d give me the honor of standing up next to them, I’m close enough that I’m going to want to go a little above and beyond to get them a nicer gift.
Post # 14
Do you feel comfortable enough asking the other BMs what they are planning on doing? That may help you feel better! I’ve been a bridesmaid three times. I spent in the neighborhood of $100 on a gift when I’ve been in the wedding party.
Post # 15
My understanding (or maybe I’m just cheap) but the gift IS throwing the shower (or the actual gift you give at the shower) or, it’s paying for the bachelorette party, etc etc. I never thought bridesmaids had to give an additional gift as well. Maybe I’m just a cheap college student, but if I go to your shower, that is the only gift I’m getting you for your wedding. I was a bridesmaid and never gave my friend a gift at all. I couldn’t go to the bridal shower and they planned the bachelorette party like the day before…. so I couldn’t go to that either. And I never bought her an actual gift for the wedding. She never said anything. I guess I just figured, my gift was being there for her as a bridesmaid (and buying the $200 dress). I don’t expect any of my bridesmaids to give me gifts… and definitely don’t want them giving me more than one!
Btw, I’ve never pad more than $30 for a wedding gift. It’s probably not the right “etiquette” but I can’t afford a $100 present just because somebody is getting married.
Post # 16
Yeah around here 50 bucks is plenty from a single person, and I would consider that generous from a bridesmaid that isn’t swimming in cash and has already spent so much.