Post # 1
my husband and I got married several years ago. My parents (mom and stepdad) gave us a monetary gift that basically covered most of the wedding. They are not rich by any means but have always been frugle and saved. Then we were in a position where the money helped immensely. Fast forward to present day and my husband and I are doing well. my mom and step dad both lost their jobs but found new jobs but are not as successful as before. My husband feels like the gift was too much and maybe they gave it to us because they felt like we couldn’t afford our wedding. He wants to call them and ask if they gave hs the money because we couldn’t afford the wedding and then offer the money back. I think that’s extremely rude and insulting. my idea was to pay for a vacation they would never take otherwise or pay for their new roof they need And Say you helped us when we needed it we want to give you something back. my husband doesn’t understand why his method would be insulting and I just can’t explain it. How does everyone else feel?
Post # 2
tncpamom: I think paying for their roof is a wonderful idea! I agree that it may seem insulting to offer them the money back, but I can’t really explain why I feel that way either
Post # 3
I think paying for their roof or something else they need would be wonderful.
Post # 4
I agree with you that paying for their roof is a more graceful way to help them in their time of need than calling them up and offering to return the money they gave you for your wedding.
Post # 5
I can’t put my finger on why it would be insulting to offer the money back, but that idea squicks me out too. Pay for their roof!
Post # 6
You’re right about your husband being rude. Where are his manners? You thank people for giving you a gift, you don’t insult them and lessen its value. Accept the gift and get over it. It’s done now.
If you want to help your parents out with money then do so. It’s allowed, they’re your parents. But don’t act like you’re paying them back. Do it from the goodness of your heart because you want to and they’d appreciate it.
Post # 7
Tell him that it’s rude to explain that he felt like a gift years ago was too much.
It sounds like maybe he was insulted by the idea that you couldn’t have paid for a wedding yourself. Why would you ask them the reasons behind the generous gift YEARS later? Does the answer even matter? He needs to let that go.
I think helping them out is a great idea and my practical family would love a new roof vs a vacation. Plus I feel like it could be more complicated to gift someone a trip- you’ll have to know exactly what they want or have them plan it and pick up the bill.
I think you can just say ‘family, you’ve been generous to us over the years and now we’re in a good position to do something special for you. I’d like to ____’. No need to mention thier current circumstances.
Post # 8
agree with pp. Don’t attach helping them with repaying for the wedding.
“mom and dad, we’re in a pretty good place now and know things are a little tight for you. We’ve decided we’ll pay for the roof.”
Post # 9
tncpamom: I voted for roof. Personally, if I knew I had to get my roof repaired then I’d prefer someone offer to pay for that rather than pay for a vacation. I could always save and organise my own vacation with the length/destination of my choice. If I didn’t have the expense of paying to have my roof repaired, I’d probably find it easier to save for a vacation myself (or forego a holiday and put the extra money towards something else I need too).
Post # 10
I think it would be a great idea to help pay for their roof. I think that is more in the spirit of gift-giving and I agree with PP’s that it’s not necessary to bring up their current circumstances.
Post # 12
If they are having financial difficulties there is no reason to pay for a vacation for them when they will still be worried about their financial difficulties on this vacation.
I vote roof. And while your husband might be right the gift was too much, the polite way to help them would be through useful gifts rather than just returning the money.
Post # 13
Another vote for the roof!
Regardless of whether your husband feels like their gift toward your wedding was too much, it was a gift–it would be disrespectful to your parents to offer to give it back now. That would be like telling them that they didn’t know what was appropriate or how to properly express love to their children.
I think your idea is a perfect one. 🙂
Post # 14
I agree with PP that it would be disrespectiful to give a generous monitary gift back. You can however help them out because that is what families do.
Post # 15
Definitely roof! 🙂 What a lovely thing to do for them! Don’t ask them anything about the gift, I agree with you about that being rude! 🙂