Post # 92
What’s with all the haters? OP just said they were hurt and a little insulted by this. Taking the circumstances as she described them at face value, I would be too! Sure, I would try not to show it, and I would be as gracious as possible in accepting the gift. I would try and understand that their finances may not be as good as I thought, but I’d feel offended if any of the ‘well-off’ people I know only gave a cheap wedding gift that did not appear to have any thought put into it.
If they had purchased a gift worth $75, then that would be another story, because that would indicate they had thought about what to buy and purchased something they thought would be useful/treasured. But to give what appears to be “spare change” as a wedding gift would be insulting to me. There’s a difference between feeling something and acting upon it – OP has every right to feel insulted, their her feelings and nothing anyone says is going to change that. Does OP have the right to call this couple and abuse them, or bitch about this to her friends? No, definitely not.
Go ahead and feel insulted, Happyb123! I’m on your side!
Post # 94
“I don’t have expectations. Expectations in your life just lead to giant disappointments.”
Post # 95
The average check gifted at my wedding was ~$300. One of DH’s older cousins gave us $50 for him and his wife. My Father-In-Law was angry and wanted to say something to him, I said absolutely NOT. No one is required to give a gift, and we can never really peer into someone else’s lives and see if they can or cannot afford something (and even if we could, to do so is rude). Yes, it was very surprising to get a noticeably smaller gift from a relative that appears to have no financial issues, but honestly there is nothing to be gained from bringing it up….all that gains is 1) being upset for you, 2) if there is a financial issue, you look like a brat, 3) even if the low gift was spiteful and malicious, bringing it up with the giver or another party just makes you look bad, and if the act was spiteful then why reveal that the attempt was successful in making you angry?
So in short…be surprised, but make a conscious decision to let any anger or hurt go. It does not serve you in any way, and trying to figure out “why” it happened makes you more likely to focus on the gift giver’s character than all the situational factors that may have come into play. Choose to let this go.
Post # 96
They didn’t give you a $10 gift, they gave you a $75 gift. That’s a pretty good amount of money. If this couple is travelling to get to your wedding, they’ve spent a lot a more than that to attend.
On an unrelated note, I could really use $75 right now.
Post # 97
A lot of the responses to this post have been framed negatively, and while I totally get that (and agree with most of the sentiments), I thought I’d frame it positively and say this:
I am TRULY, genuinely grateful and appreciative that my parents raised me with the sort of values that result in me never having to feel insulted or sorry for myself because of the cost or amount of GIFTS.
Post # 98
You know, here’s the thing…
I make great money. We take nice vacations, own nice cars, own nice things, my jewelry was very expensive.
But we work really hard to get these things.
I don’t see someone’s accomplishment of getting married as a reason to spend a lot of money.
My friends work all work. Some are teachers making shitty money, Some are physicians making great money. That has notNing to do with me.
Im not spending more because I *can* I’m spending what I feel like spending as I celebrate your choice to marry. I have done bridal parties (of up to 12 women. hair, makeup and nails) for free as a partial gift. I have spent $500 on a wedding gift, given cash in varying amounts, and I have spent $50 on a wedding gift. I choose how I spend my money, you as the recipient do not.
I would not have a friend who was so superficial and judgemental, and if it turned out I did..I would nix them.
Post # 99
@mandypop: Agreed. It’s easy to forget. No one’s entitled to gifts worth “$X”.
Post # 100
Goodness that’s actually a lot in my opinion! We averaged $30-$50 per couple at our wedding. We got $75 from maybe one person, and a little bit more from grandparents and DH’s parents. I would say your pretty lucky, and honestly If I were expected to give $150 at a wedding I wouldn’t go. That’s insanity.
Post # 101
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
Honestly, from long island – 75$ would make me grumpy if it came from a couple. Gifts in our area generally range from $150-300 for a couple.
Post # 102
$75 sounds substantial to me, and I’m getting married in a more expensive region. The way I see it, regardless of income, some people just prefer to give different amounts in honor of different life events (wedding, baby, graduation, birthday), and of course this can be impacted by whether someone is traveling.
Post # 103
“However, I think that the lack of gift (or lower than social norm in the area gift) is indicative of the type of person the gift giver is. Not in a good way.”
The type of person I am is poor. Sorry about that!
Post # 104