Post # 1
I am in the process of writing thank you cards…but have some questions/dilemmas!
1) I went through and made a list of all the gifts and cards, and there were 3 guests who were missing from the list. Now, I know these 3 guests pretty well, and I really honestly do not see them as people who would come to my wedding empty-handed. If they were other guests, I would just leave it alone, but these 3 guests are pretty great folks! I believe maybe there is a possibility it was lost during the busy day…should I just write a generic thank you card for them? I would be embarassed to let them know we lost their gift, because it would be bad if they REALLY for some reason didn’t bring one.
2) Another 3 guests DID come empty handed, but told me themselves that they had “left” the gift at home, and asked for my address so they could mail it…but I had not received anything yet. Should I still write them a thank you card, or would that seem like I am fishing for their gift? I do wonder however, if they sent it to a wrong address or something, but I do not know how to bring it up. Should I just forget it, and leave it alone?
Please let me know your thoughts! =) I want to handle this correctly, and not seem like I’m ASKING for a gift. I know guests aren’t expected to bring gifts, but I’m afraid things were lost, or forgotten. Thanks so much!
Post # 3
1. Write a thank you card that is heartfelt, thanking them for sharing your special day (and maybe something vague about their “generosity of spirit”?)
2. Send them a thank you for sharing your day, and be sure to include a return address label!
Post # 4
only write thank you notes for the gifts you received, do not write thank you notes to thank people for coming.
sometimes people wait a few weeks to a few months after the wedding it send their gift. just wait another month and see what happens.
Post # 5
Thank you notes are not for “coming out”. They have already been thanked at least twice. Once via the reception which is a thanks for coming out, secondly in person by hopefully both the bride and the groom “thanks for coming today, it’s great to see you”.
Any note sent thanking for someone for coming a third (at minimum) time can be seen as fishing.
I wouldn’t do the vague thank you, as people will see right through it, and know that you are following up about your gift.
Post # 6
@NYBubblesBee: Thank you cards are to be written to thank your guests for attending the wedding. Any gifts received are to also be mentioned in the thank yous to those that gave the gift. So yes send a thank you to those you didn’t receive gifts from simply thanking them for sharing your day with you and all their love and support.
Post # 7
@andielovesj: That is completely incorrect. Thank yous are sent out to all guests in attendance for attending. Just as formal invites went out inviting them, formal thank yous go out thanking them. These guests still took time out of their busy lives to attend a party for the couple. I am no where near an etiquette snob and think most etiquette is dated but this part is just common courtesy.
Post # 8
Traditionally, gifts are sent to the house before or after the wedding, technically up to a year, although most people feel that is pushing it. So no, I would not say anything.
In addition, gift giving is voluntary and up to the givers, not an entitlement. As a guest, If I were close to these people and a gift had not been acknowledged within a reasonable amount of time or a check not cashed, I might inquire discreetly of immediate family or the couple to make sure they had received it. But on the host end I would not solicit info about “overdue” or “missing” gifts.
Post # 9
For any guests from whom you did not receive a gift, thank them for coming to the wedding and sharing this special day. Thank them for having a positive impact on your life and tell them you’re looking forward to all the upcoming things in your life. They will notice you are not thanking them for a specific gift, and if they mean to send one, they will.
Post # 10
write thank yous for people who gave you gifts. that is all. if people don’t get a thank you and gave a gift, they will come inquiring.
Post # 11
Drummerbride, you are free to disagree with this point of etiquette, but I don’t see how continuing to re-thank people for the same thing over and over and over again can be seen as anything other then fishing for gifts.
No really this time, I mean it, thanks for coming, it was great to see you, Now I know I’ve said this twice before, but seriously thanks for coming, it was great to see you. No, seriously, this time I will write it in a card, thanks for coming. It doesn’t make you seem any more thankful to keep doing it.
Technically all of the wedding guests should be thanking the hosts for hosting them. Not you thanking them for accepting your hospitality.
Post # 12
@andielovesj: Completely agree. I don’t care what etiquette says… THEY should be thanking ME for inviting them to the reception (especially if they didn’t bring a gift!) lol, not the other way around!
AFM, I never cross-checked a list of who brought gifts compared to who came, and many people mailed gifts in advance (to which I immediately returned a Thank You so I didnt have to think about it), so if there were people who I didn’t send a Thank You to, I don’t even know.
Post # 13
I think this might be confusing also when guests send gifts before the wedding. Obviously you’d send a thank you card for the gift as soon as you get it, but are you also supposed to send a second thank you card for attending the wedding. That seems silly and excessive.
Post # 14
“Hosts do not write to thank guests for their attendance, even though they may respond to their parting thanks with thanks. It is guests who must write letters of thanks to those who entertain them, although this is not necessary for ceremonial occasions.
In the midst of a thank you letter famine, Miss Manners is loathe to label any such attempt as excessive. But yes, your fiancé is right.
Of late, Miss Manners has had a number of inquiries from brides who have suggested doing this as a way of prompting guests whom they deem remiss to send presents. While not accusing you of any such motives, she warns you that the suspicion will arise.”
Thank yous are required for gifts, not attendance.
Post # 15
Interesting topic…..I kept a list, too. It was actually our invite list that I added a column to for gifts and thank yous. I sent cards as gifts came in, but with 80% of the gifts coming before the wedding, it got a bit hectic, so I was glad I kept track. My memory sucks, and and even with my list there was a friend who I sent 2 thank you cards to…oops! 🙂
Post # 16
We sent thank you notes to everyone who attended our wedding. They were lots of fun even if they weren’t gift-givers. I promise we weren’t fishing for presents!
We had copies of pictures from the wedding of them (mostly posed portraits, but also candids of each guest!) to send, too. What better way than to enclose them with the thank yous?