Post # 1
I’ve noticed a few posts recently that asked about monetary gift expectations (and hopes!) from the guests of the wedding. For example, many brides stated that in their neck of the woods it is considered proper etiquette to gift the estimated cost of the dinner to the new couple while others provided a standard gift of $100 per guest.
I was just curious if brides take into account the guests total cost to actually get to the wedding such as out of town guest who had to buy plane tickets, etc?
Also, on the other hand, if you are a guest flying to get to a wedding, do you determine how much you can give a couple as a monetarty wedding gift based on how much you already spent to get there?
*note: this post is not a discussion of whether or not it is proper for a bride or newly married couple to “expect” gifts (monetary or otherwise) from their guests. There are many other posts here that have that ongoing debate 🙂
Post # 3
I’ve never flown for a wedding, but I have driven six and a half hours each way for one. I had to get a hotel room and take off work. I bought a gift that I could afford (not much, considering I also had just graduated college). I never considered the cost of travel when buying the gift. If I wasn’t able to make it, I would’ve sent a gift and it probably would have been the exact same one.
Post # 4
When I travel for a wedding, I don’t reduce the amount of the gift simply for that reason. However, I give what I can afford, and if my budget is blown that month with travel costs (due to the wedding or some other event), then I might be able to afford to give less. This is less of an issue now that I’m older but when I was younger, there were tight months where I would have been able to give less than I would have liked to.
Basically, I start out with what I *want* to give based on my relationship to the couple. Then I look at if that is realistic or not with my budget. These days, it is pretty much always realistic to give what I want regardless of travel costs or other expenses. But I can understand how for some people, they have to reduce the gift amount to allow everything to fit in their budget, even if that wouldn’t be their first preference. Does that help?
Post # 5
We’re having a Dsoon Scotland. 90% of the guest list is of lying there from the US. We are not expecting or asking fofirings for that reason – they are spending so much just to come to the wedding, we don’t want to put them out more.
Post # 6
I went to a wedding that I had to fly to a few times. I just mail the gift to their house.
It just depends on the person’s wedding I’m going to. I would say my travel costs only slightly have an effect on my wedding gift choice.
I flew in to my sister’s and I think I gave her the standard $100 (even though I paid for a flight, car, hotel, Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, etc). For the other wedding, we did not know the couple that well, so we gave them a framed gift probably what I would have given if they lived in our state. We only went becasue we knew of two other friends in the area and made a big road trip out of it. I think we shocked them by showing up!
When I was planning a Jackson Hole, WY wedding for us – I did not register, and I let it get around by word of mouth about the whole no gifts. People were going to be paying a lot to fly to JAC, not to mention hotels and cars – I would feel awful if someone got a gift. There was a lot of guilt attached with that wedding.
Post # 7
I’ve never flown to a wedding or traveled out of state for one. I’ve generally given $100 per person for the wedding gift, plus a registry gift of around $50 if I was invited to the shower… I’d give more if someone I was very close to got married/I could afford it at the moment.
I don’t think travel/other expenses would affect how much I gave, but I can understand why other people might factor this in.
Post # 8
We are having a destination wedding where all the guests will be travelling there. We do not expect any gifts from our guests and have told them this by word of mouth so they dont feel obligated to get us anything. There presence there is the only gift to us we need 🙂
Post # 9
We got married in our home of Hawaii, which was not the home 22 of our 26 guests. I made sure to let our guests/family members know that I wanted them to have a vacation too so we booked and helped pay for rooms and parking, booked excursions and rental cars, picked them up from the airport, and put together an Out of Town bag with guides, maps, recommendations, snacks, etc. We didn’t expect them to also purchase gifts but they all did. I made sure our registry had lower priced gifts (like $50-75). Those that traveled got us a $50-$100 from the family (3-5 people) and those that could not travel purchased the more expensive gifts and had them shipped.
If Darling Husband and I had to fly out somewhere, I would be fine with 1/2ing (or even 1/4ing) whatever we would give them if it was local.
Post # 10
Especially now being on the hosting side I’d say it’s fair to say all parties involved, hosts and guests are shelling out a ton of money…out of generosity and love.
However, there does seem to be a trend (to me at least) to host the cheapest wedding possible (no food, drink, chairs etc) with the biggest guest list in the universe…and that seems like one sided taking…but that’s maybe a mini side rant.
Post # 11
@icetea: Interesting, that’s the exact opposite of the trend I’ve seen – which is to smaller more lavish weddings (e.g. Out of Town bags, nicer food, extra events like BBQs or brunches).
OP, we do not reduce gifts by traveling costs, but as one person noted, budget constraints in the past have reduced gifts at times. Not so much now that we’re older. About 90% of our weddings are out of town, so it’s rare we don’t have to shell out for plane flight, car or taxi, hotel room on top of a gift (and even the rare upcoming wedding that’s “in town” is really 1.5 hours away and we might stay at a hotel anyhow).
Post # 12
@kay01: You might be right! You described our wedding exactly haha! So I’m proving your point more than my own haha.
Post # 13
I’m flying out for a family member’s wedding next year & the fact that I have to fly will definitely affect my gift. It’s going to be an expensive trip and if we weren’t making a full blown vacation out of the trip, I’m not entirely sure I would be spending that much money just for a wedding. I’m in college and only working part time so as a general rule, I’m quite broke. I don’t expect my SO to help me pay for a gift for MY family member (I wouldn’t expect to contribute to a gift for one of her family members) so I’m getting a gift of what I can afford. My SO is the money maker right now so it’s really BECAUSE of her that I can even attend, so I don’t expect my family member to be upset if she doesn’t receive an expensive gift. I don’t even expect a gift from her when our wedding comes around the following year.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t decrease the amount of gift I gave just because I had to travel to get there. I’ve never flown to a wedding, but I did drive 8 hours each way to go to my cousins wedding. I still gave a gift (half gift, half money) to the equivalent of what I expect my dinner cost.