(Closed) wedding gifts ( or lack of..)

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

yeah….that happens.  

Technically guests have a year to send a gift.  

when we wrote out our thank you cards using the guest list template, I too was surprised at who didn’t send a gift.  Not to be a gift grub- just kind of unexpected. 

Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee

Don’t count on it, if u don’t receive it during the wedding you’ll never get it.  You’ll be surprised some people are amazingly cheap!!

Post # 5
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You never know when you will get gifts. I went to a wedding two weeks ago but I had just paid the deposit for our caterer the day before the wedding and I was tapped out on cash for non essentials. However, I did send a gift this week.

 

Don’t get too upset. You never know people’s financial situation. I agree it sucks but don’t get mad about it. 

Post # 6
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

From wedding guests, I think it’s distasteful.  My fiance’s friend was married in June and invited a lot of "college friends" all of which brought dates.  I read on one of their myspaces the "story" of the night.  I guess one guy thought to buy a card which they all signed (like 12 of them) and figured that was a good enough gift. They all got incredibly drunk and stole the cake.  Yes.  They stole the cake.  To make matters worse it was then dropped on a lady in a wheel chair. 

    This group of friends is also invited to our wedding.  Funny, eh? 

  I don’t think it’s necessary for the bridal party to give you gifts.  They have to pay for their suit/tux rentals, dress, shoes, etc..  Plus, they typically throw you showers, bachelorette parties, etc… or if they don’t throw it participate which costs money.   

 

 

Post # 7
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

agree with maureen – for the wedding party – they have likely already spent a fair amount of money on the wedding, so they may consider that their gift.  Or perhaps something is on backorder.  you never know, but if you let go of expectations now, you may have a pleasant surprise later.

Post # 8
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Maybe I’m naive, but I don’t believe that anybody should have to do anything.  I remember being poor and in college, and just paying to get to the wedding was essentially my gift.

 

Don’t be mad… just appreciate them for coming.

Post # 9
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Doctorgirl is not naive. According to etiquette, no one is actually obligated to give you a gift at all. I agree that it’s nicer when people do, especially since you may have spent hundreds of dollars per person on hosting your wedding, but they don’t have to.

Post # 10
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m with doctorgirl.  And even though I’m no longer in college it’s still all I can do just to attend the wedding, much less spring for that beautiful shiny something on the registry (as much as I desperately want to).  

Gifts are gifts and NOT a requirement.  

It’s nice getting presents but that’s not (I hope) why you invited your guests, right?  They’re there because you’re important to each other and want to celebrate your union together.  It’s like telling your bridesmaid she can step down if she can’t "afford" to stand up with you.  I’ve never understood that.  

I’d say send your (very prompt, nicely done ) thank you notes and anything else that comes along is a very pleasant surprise!

Post # 11
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

i can’t disagree more with the "if you don’t get it at the wedding you’ll never get it."  The MAJORITY of our gifts came in the weeks after the wedding.  We even got one last week…2 months after our wedding.  Some people just won’t give gifts of course…I’d forget about it. No need to worry about that. 

Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I understand that you’d feel a little offput, given that these are your close friends, not just acquaintances. I agree, however, that your bridesmaids/groomsmen shouldn’t be expected to give gifts on top of the expenses they have already incurred on your behalf. As for the others, you never know. I’m also not sure if your wedding involved a lot of travel/extra lodging costs for those close friends, in which case, they might not have had the money to bring a nice gift on top of all the money spent. And if you’re younger and your friends are young, then it could just be a financial thing. But ultimately, I wouldn’t fixate on it anymore, and if something comes in the mail later on, then consider a pleasant surprise :). People frequently will give late birthday gifts, why not late wedding gifts too?

Personally though, I wouldn’t show up at a good friend’s wedding without at least something, if only one small item from the registry and a card. I too remember attending weddings in college, when the above was pretty much all I could afford. But it just seemed a little impolite to arrive empty-handed.

Post # 13
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Did you at least get a card from them?  No guest is obligated to send a gift, but most well-brought-up people will at least send a card expressing their good wishes.  After all, how much does that cost?  A couple of our elderly relatives who don’t have much just wrote us long letters telling us how happy they are, and that was much appreciated.

FYI – I was also surprised at who didn’t give us either a card or a gift – some of FI’s friends who are supposedly (or they would have us believe) QUITE well off.  And we invited them to both the wedding and the Rehearsal Dinner, so they got two quite nice meals off us.

We’ve waited three weeks now, and have finished writing all the thank you notes to people who actually brought or sent cards or gifts, so we went ahead and wrote them little notes thanking them for coming to the wedding.  Hopefully if they actually did send a gift, and it just hasn’t arrived (some Macy’s stuff seems terminally back-ordered) that will be their clue to let us know it’s on its way.  Otherwise – it’s just good information for the future, right?  Next time we all go out for dinner and it looks like somebody didn’t throw in enough money towards the check, I’ll be pretty sure who that was…

Post # 14
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I know and believe that no one is expected to give a gift and one should just appreciate that they took their time to come (even more true in our Destination Wedding case).

However, I would NEVER consider going to a wedding empty-handed or without having a gift already chosen, sent, whatever.  I have sent a gift late before but never no gift at all. If they are my friend, that’s the least I can do (IMHO).

Post # 15
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’d like to revise my statement…  I realize I wasn’t really clear and it sounded sort of snobbish. 

 

  I think it’s distasteful of guests to not bring a gift when:

1 . They bring univited dates

2. They drink enough to pass out mid-reception, wake up, and do it again.

3.  They heckle your speakers

4. They dirty dance in front of your grandparents with their dates and then post on personal pages because it’s funny.

5.  Steal your wedding cake and drop on Great Aunt Betty who is paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheel chair. 

  Even if you’re in college.  You should pay for your stupidity in some way.  🙂

       I myself am a college kid, but if I don’t plan on acting appropiatley- then I definitley bring something (not that I would ever steal a cake 🙂I don’t consider a gift to be a monetary present- possibly a cheap bottle of wine, case of beer, if you’re real sentimental a special photo.  

Post # 16
Member
23 posts
Newbee

really depends…are you all students? If not, I would say that there might be a chance you might still receive gifts. If you guys are students, sometimes financial freedom is a bit limited and there are times where it’s hard to even give gifts at the most appropriate occasions

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